Tonight,I check in feeling really good.It is Saturday night and I am looking forward to singing up a storm tonight.I hope that the night goes by well.Again,though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Still,I look forward to singing tonight and I am hoping that the night goes good.
Today,I got a lot done.I managed to get to the drug store to pick up my medication and I even took a friend to work today.It was a pretty good day.The weather was bitterly cold and it was a little bit icy and freezing.Despite this,I managed to get a lot accomplished.Again,I look forward to entertaining the crowd tonight and I hope that everything goes well tonight.I enjoy entertaining the crowds every Saturday night and it always makes me feel good when they feel good.Yes it does.
Right now,the Buffalo Sabres are playing.I am hoping that they can win tonight.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.It was a wonderful day.I worked a full day today and it worked out pretty good.The day did start out frustrating as I had to pick up an unholy mess in the laundry room over at the drug/alcohol rehab center that I had to pick up the laundry from.Fortunately for me,I had a couple of helpers helping me to pick it up.After that,I simply put the laundry in my vehicle and went to my work place to start my job.The day went by well.I did my work and the day went by pretty fast.I had a good day.It all worked out and everything turned out for the better.
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres were victorious again.They beat the Vancouver Canucks tonight in a shootout by a score of 4-3.The Sabres travel to Montreal to play the Canadians.This will be the Sabres last game until the All-Star break is over with.I hope that they can win another one again.
I will also be singing tomorrow night.I am hoping that the night goes by well.Though I rarely have an off night,I still hope for everything to go well.You never know what might happen.Again,I also hope for another win by the Buffalo Sabres.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling pretty good.It was a very good day today.Though I had a disappointing work day where I only had half a day,I managed to keep myself busy with some stuff.My mother and I got some much needed grocery shopping done.I figured that since I had the afternoon of,why not use it to my advantage.I got a lot done today and that is wonderful.Yes it is.I had a great group night last night and today,I made a new friend who I met in an online Yahoo forum.It is a young lady who's from Hawaii and lives in California.I am communicating with her via e-mail and through other means.She is such a sweetie.I love her as a person.She is truly nice.I like her.We have a lot in common.She likes the same type of movies that I do.Yes she does.It is great to meet new people and make new friends.I am feeling good about that.Yes I am.
Tomorrow is another work day.It will be a full day this time.I will be glad about that.Yes I will.Next week,it will be back to normal as I will now be working full weeks,except when there is a holiday during the week.
Overall,a pretty good day.
That was my day.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling better.I had a wonderful group meeting tonight.It was awesome to let out some more steam.It was a great meeting.The weather might have been cold tonight but it did not dull the mood of teh men who were meeting.It was yet another wonderful meeting.I am looking forward to the next meeting.Yes I am.I always look forward to all the weekly meetings.I am hoping that the next meeting is just as great as the last.Yes I do.
Today,I got a rude awakening.I learned that I will only be working half a day tomorrow.I was a little peeved at this because I was planning to work a full week.I am going to lose a little bit of money and that is disappointing.But I am going to fill it up with something.My mom and I are going to do some grocery shopping.It's going to be cold over the next few days and we feel that it's necessary to do that.At least,I will have something to do.I will be keeping my nimble self busy.It will not be on the job.But it's better than nothing.I was angry that this is happening.But I was surprised that I did not lose my temper.I am normally not very good at keeping my cool.But I have been doing good in that area as of late.WOW!
Tonight,the Buffalo Sabres defeated the Boston Bruins by a score of 6-3.The Sabres three game losing streak is over.It is totally sweet hearing that my #1 team is a winner.It is also sweeter that they are doing great.Their next game is a home game when the Vancouver Canucks come to town.I am hoping that the Buffalo Sabres can win another one.Two consecutive wins at home would be totally sweet.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.I am very disappointed with myself tonight.I am really feeling torn apart at the seems and I feel like I am unworthy of a lot of things.Earlier today,I wound up masturbating again.I felt bad about this.It is the same old pattern again.I was once again having those same old dreams about being surrounded by naked men and feeling powerless.I was trying to take a nap today after I had a hard day at work and I weakened.I feel so dirty right now.I want to overcome this terrible SSA that I am going through and it is really bringing me down when I failed today.I did ask God to forgive me for giving in but I still feel guilty.I know that I need to learn to forgive myself after asking from forgiveness from up above and even though I said to myself,albiet mentally,that I forgive you FJ as well,but I still feel miserable.I need all the help that I can get.I want to stop this stuff and I want to overcome SSA but I am having a hard time.I am going to have anothet talk with the Lord in Heaven again before I turn in for the night.I hope that I feel better afterwards.I am feeling depressed as well as angry with myself for falling short.I know that God does not expect me to be a "Superhero". He knows that I am imperfect and will fall short.Plus,I know that he is merciful and forgiving.I am still trusting in him to accomplish my goals but I am still feeling guilty.Again,I will have another talk with him tonight before I turn in for the night and I hope that I feel better after doing so.I still feel miserable.But again,after another talk with the Lord,I hope that I feel better.
Those are my thoughts and ramblings.I would appreciate a few prayers.Thanks.FJ

Tonight,I check in feeling disappointed.Why?Because due to the weather we had today,which was a lot of freezing rain,I could not go to my appointment because I had a difficult time trying to get ice off of the driver and passenger side windows of my vehicle.I had no problem getting the ice off of my windshield but those windows were a pain.I tried everything but everything failed.So,I poured Prestone windshield de-icer fluid all over my windows to loosen the ice.It worked but not in time for my appointment.I had to cancel it today and I had it rescheduled for next month.I was hoping to terminate the counseling but I now have to wait another month.Oh well!Mother Nature really let ys have it today,didn't she?The only thing that I get accomplished today was that I had to go to the store to get a couple of things for the home.That is the only thing I did.
I actually fell back into the old thought patterns.I gave into temptation when I kept playing with my genitals.I was also having verbal daydreamed styled fantasies of my past sexual relations with other men.I was also talking to myself on top of it all.I had to say,in my brain,"STOP!THIS IS NOT YOU,BOY!YOU ARE NOT HOMOSEXUAL!YOU JUST HAVE THOSE DESIRES BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE!YOU'RE A HETEROSEXUAL/STRAIGHT GUY WITH A HOMOSEXUAL PROBLEM!"I had to say a little prayer for the lord to forgive me in this because it was wrong.After I done that,I felt better and I listened to some spiritual music to clear my head.I will be listening to it again before I go to sleep.I hope that I can sleep well.I did weaken last night a few hours after posting and I masturbated.I also asked the lord to forgive me for falling short.Plus,the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Boston Bruins in a shootout tonight by a score of 3-2.
We have a winter weather advisory in effect tonight until midnight.I hope that we do not get any more for tonight and a while.We escaped the full brunt of the storm system,but still,anything can happen.
That was my day and night.FJ

Tonight,I am checking feeling a little bit better than yesterday.I had a ball last night entertaining the crowds doing my tribute to Elvis Presley.They all enjoyed it very much and even got some Thumbs Up from several young ladies who were Elvis Presley fans,which was wonderful.I also had a nice conversation with a friend of mine in New Jersey and that also was wonderful.It has been a very nice night.I am feeling better tonight and I am hoping that the week goes by good.I did receive some news from the National Weather Service that there is a Winter storm WARNING in effect from 1:00am Monday morning to 7:00pm Monday evening.I am hoping that we can escape the full brunt of the storm and only get a little bit.We are supposed to get FREEZING rain and that will cause roads to ice up and make travel difficult.But I am hoping that it will not be that bad.If it happens,It happens.If it don't,It don't.But again,there is nothing wrong with hoping.
The only problem that I am going to have is with my appointment tomorrow.It is downtown in the city that I am living in and if we get the worst of it,I am going to have a hard time getting to that appointment.But maybe,we might escape the worst.
Regarding my appointment tomorrow,it will be my last meeting with my anger management counselor and after tomorrow,I can terminate it.I will then go back to regular medication management.I am feling pretty good at the moment and that is a wonderful feeling.
That was my day and night last night.FJ