Tonight,I check in feeling disappointed.Why?Because due to the weather we had today,which was a lot of freezing rain,I could not go to my appointment because I had a difficult time trying to get ice off of the driver and passenger side windows of my vehicle.I had no problem getting the ice off of my windshield but those windows were a pain.I tried everything but everything failed.So,I poured Prestone windshield de-icer fluid all over my windows to loosen the ice.It worked but not in time for my appointment.I had to cancel it today and I had it rescheduled for next month.I was hoping to terminate the counseling but I now have to wait another month.Oh well!Mother Nature really let ys have it today,didn't she?The only thing that I get accomplished today was that I had to go to the store to get a couple of things for the home.That is the only thing I did.
I actually fell back into the old thought patterns.I gave into temptation when I kept playing with my genitals.I was also having verbal daydreamed styled fantasies of my past sexual relations with other men.I was also talking to myself on top of it all.I had to say,in my brain,"STOP!THIS IS NOT YOU,BOY!YOU ARE NOT HOMOSEXUAL!YOU JUST HAVE THOSE DESIRES BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE!YOU'RE A HETEROSEXUAL/STRAIGHT GUY WITH A HOMOSEXUAL PROBLEM!"I had to say a little prayer for the lord to forgive me in this because it was wrong.After I done that,I felt better and I listened to some spiritual music to clear my head.I will be listening to it again before I go to sleep.I hope that I can sleep well.I did weaken last night a few hours after posting and I masturbated.I also asked the lord to forgive me for falling short.Plus,the Buffalo Sabres lost to the Boston Bruins in a shootout tonight by a score of 3-2.
We have a winter weather advisory in effect tonight until midnight.I hope that we do not get any more for tonight and a while.We escaped the full brunt of the storm system,but still,anything can happen.
That was my day and night.FJ