Tonight,I check in with mixed emotions.I am very disappointed with myself tonight.I am really feeling torn apart at the seems and I feel like I am unworthy of a lot of things.Earlier today,I wound up masturbating again.I felt bad about this.It is the same old pattern again.I was once again having those same old dreams about being surrounded by naked men and feeling powerless.I was trying to take a nap today after I had a hard day at work and I weakened.I feel so dirty right now.I want to overcome this terrible SSA that I am going through and it is really bringing me down when I failed today.I did ask God to forgive me for giving in but I still feel guilty.I know that I need to learn to forgive myself after asking from forgiveness from up above and even though I said to myself,albiet mentally,that I forgive you FJ as well,but I still feel miserable.I need all the help that I can get.I want to stop this stuff and I want to overcome SSA but I am having a hard time.I am going to have anothet talk with the Lord in Heaven again before I turn in for the night.I hope that I feel better afterwards.I am feeling depressed as well as angry with myself for falling short.I know that God does not expect me to be a "Superhero". He knows that I am imperfect and will fall short.Plus,I know that he is merciful and forgiving.I am still trusting in him to accomplish my goals but I am still feeling guilty.Again,I will have another talk with him tonight before I turn in for the night and I hope that I feel better after doing so.I still feel miserable.But again,after another talk with the Lord,I hope that I feel better.
Those are my thoughts and ramblings.I would appreciate a few prayers.Thanks.FJ