Tonight,I am feeling hopeful and optimistic.I had a pretty decent day today.I had to run another errand for my mom and I also went too check up on a friend of mine to see if he and his live-in girlfriend were okay.I was happy to see that they were okay.I spent a few minutes talking with him and he said that he is hoping to make it out tonight to the Halloween party tonight over at the place where I entertain on Saturday nights.I am hoping to see him tonight and I am hoping that the night goes well.
Yes,I will be going out to entertain the crowd as always.I am hoping that it will be a great night for me.As stated,tonight is going to be a big Halloween party over at the place.I know that it will be a really fun and busy night for the people and the place.Though I always look forward to entertaining the people on Saturday night,I really look forward to the yearly Halloween party that always happens around this week during this month.There is always going to be plenty of people dressing up and having a ball.There is always lots of food,including pepperoni pizza galore.It is just a happening party that happens every year.As always,I am going to sing my usual Halloween standard songs alongside a couple more favorite songs.I hope that the evening goes well for me.As I always state here;though I rarely,if ever,have an off night singing up a storm for the crowd every Saturday night,I still always hope for things to go well for me.You never know what might happen.Again,I hope that the night goes over well.
Tomorrow is Sunday.I have not really made any plans for tomorrow but whatever I do,I hope that it will benefit me in a positive way.I just might finish up sorting out things in my room like I started today.
That was my day today and night tonight as well my hopes for the rest of the weekend.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good work day today.This time,there were no loads left behind by anyone.That was really neat.The only thing for me to do was to do a couple of loads and cal it a day.With this,the work shift went by great.It was also fast.Before I did begin my job,I had lunch at the social club and it was very good.After I finished with the loads,I simply dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and went home.
After relaxing for a short time at home.I went to cash my paycheck at the bank and to pick up a couple of boxes of herbal tea.When I arrived at home,I had dinner and after doing some more personal computer work,I did a scan on my computer for viruses and once again,my computer is clean.There were no security risks or threats in my database.That really made my night.What also really made my night was that the Buffalo Sabres won tonight.They defeated the Florida Panthers by a score of 4-2.After losing their last few games,it was great to see them win tonight.That was terrific.
I am glad that the weekend is finally here.This week seemed to go by slowly but surely.It just seemed to drag on very slowly.But I am glad that it's here.I will be doing my usual entertaining the crowd tomorrow night.Tomorrow night is a big Halloween party at the place where I entertain.I can hardly wait for that tomorrow night.It is going to be a really busy night.I can almost anticipate a really big crowd.I always look forward to these Halloween parties every year because the place is booming with people dressed up and having a good time.I especially like the parties for all the food that is served,including lots of pepperoni pizza.I am looking forward to tomorrow night.I am going to be doing my usual Halloween standard songs alongside a couple of other favorites.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.
That was my day today and my hopes for tomorrow night.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I did not have a good work day today.When I arrived at the work site,I was greeted by the sight of seeing the washers still filled.Apparently,the person who worked the previous afternoon did not finish his job.When I arrived this morning,I had to finish his job and this really blew my schedule out of proportion.The person left blankets in the washer and they were really soaked.Not only that,he also overloaded the washer.There were 4 blankets in the washer when there were supposed to be only three.I did remind one of the supervisor's about the problem and they said that they would take care of it.I had to spent most of the morning trying to do a few things that I had to do and finish the other person's job that should have been finished the previous day.Again,I did handle it the normal way and I hope that a resolution is reached.
After work,I dropped off the clean laundry at the rehab center and went home.I relaxed for a while before I dropped my mom at the supermarket to do some grocery shopping and I went to another supermarket to turn in some bottles and cans that accumulated over the last several weeks in my trunk.After that,I went to a couple of other stores to see where I could get DVD-R's cheap and went to pick my mom up from shopping.Of course,the money that I had from all the bottles went for dinner tonight but I will get it back on the 1st of next month.I was planning to use that money for gas but I guess that at times,we have to give of ourselves to help our families.But again,I will get it back on the 1st of November.I am also getting paid tomorrow so it is also not a big loss.Once again,I am going to get it back on the 1st of November.
I am now relaxing.The night is pretty cool but I am not going anywhere.I am just going to take it easy for the rest of the evening until I go to sleep.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes well.After that,it's the weekend.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

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Tonight,I am feeling mixed emotions.I had a pretty good work day today.But for most of the day,it rained.It rained so hard that my mom was hoping to get some grocery shopping done but we didn't due to the rain.But I did manage to get one thing done.My mom had me run an errand for her tonight.It was simple.I had to get some coffe from the store and some snacking food.Afterwards,I went to a local K-Mart to see if they had some Buffalo Sabres T-Shirts but they did not have any.All they had were shirts of the Buffalo Bills and New York Yankees.I was disappointed.I was hoping to find some more of them but didn't.Oh Well.I asked there and they told me that they did not know when they were going to get them in.I just bought a gallon of milk and left for home.I was hoping to catch the yearly special called It's The Great Pumpkin,Charlie Brown but later learned when I got home that it was next week.Oh well.At least,I now know that it will be on next Tuesday.
The reason why I am feeling mixed emotions is that I relapsed again for the second consecutive time.I masturbated again.I was trying to take a nap when the old images of men begging me to relieve them were lining up wanting oral sex.I wound up masturbating after playing with myself.Though I did ask God to forgive me,I still feel miserable.If I am thinking of "never masturbating again",then I need to STOP thinking of that.I have to accept that I am going to relapse when I least expect it.But I do know that I do not want to have sex with another man.I also looked at some pornographic images online as well just before signing on to here.I really need some help.I am going crazy.All I am thinking of is having sex with men.I don't want to have sex with a man.Because I have not had any sex with any men for a long time.I do not want to do that because I know that if I do that,I am going to be back to the same old dull and pointless routine all over again.It will be back to the pattern of giving blowjobs constantly to different guys and looking forward to an eternity of "one-blow stands" where I am enslaved to the image of a man with an erect penis and wanting to suck it until it ejaculates in my mouth.I don't want to go back to that.Because it's not what I am looking for.I am looking for healthy relationships with other guys where I can be a guy and be one of the guys.That is what I want.What I don't want are guys one minute saying to me;"I Like You.You're A Great Guy.I Like Having You Around" and then the next minute "Hey,Dude.Do You Want To Suck My Cock?"The former is what I am looking for.It is not the latter.After my prayers tonight and then tomorrow.I am hoping that I feel better.That would be great.
Tomorrow is simply a pick-up day.I am hoping that the pick up goes well without any mess to clean up.I also have my support group meeting at the church tomorrow night.I am also hoping that the meeting goes well,too.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a very good day today.I ran a small errand for my mom today and that was to buy something for tonight's dinner.I also had to pick up a prescription refill for myself at a local drug store.I called in the refill over the phone when I woke up and took my last pill.It was for my high blood pressure.I have been checking it lately and so far,it has been pretty good.It has been in the 130's range but as long as it does not go any higher,I am okay.
Last night,I went to see the musical Hairspray and it was awesome.I was hoping that it was going to be just as good as the original 1988 film that inspired the Broadway musical of the same name and then inspired the movie.Again,my hopes for it to be as good as the original film were actually fulfilled.Not only that,it was actually better than I hoped that it would be.The movie was filled with music and even a little bit of comedy mixed in to sweeten it.It was great.I enjoyed every minute of it.It was an awesome movie with a surprising ending.John Travolta was wonderful as Mrs.Edna Turnblad.You can tell by watching this film that he was having the time of his life portraying Mrs.Turnblad just singing and dancing away and again,simply having a ball.The best thing about me seeeing this film was that I was the only person in the theatre watching the movie.There was nobody else in the theatre with me.I was the lone member of the audience.That actually made me enjoy it more.Aside from John Travolta,the whole cast was wonderful as well.It was nearly 2 hours of singing,dancing and comedy.I am going to get this on DVD when it comes out.I have the original 1988 film on DVD and now,I am going to buy this version the minute that it hits the shelves.Again,an awesome movie.
After I saw the movie,I went to have a friendly drink with some of the gang at the place that I entertain at.I only stayed a few minutes and left.The Karaoke DJ almost took it personally when I wasn't planning on singing.I simply told him that it was nothing personal against him and that I was only coming in for a vistit and have a nice friendly drink with the gang.We shook hands and hopefully,that made him feel better.
I went to my anger management/conflict resolution meeting tonight and it was wonderful.I got quite a bit out of it tonight.The only setback was that a man who came there left after 20 minutes saying that this was not helping him.But we moved on and it was wonderful.I am looking forward to the next meeting next Monday night.The only other thing going on is my weekly support group meeting at the church on Wednesday night.I am hoping that this meeting goes just as well as tonight's meeting that I attended did.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the day goes well.
That was my day today and my night last night as well my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty decent day today.I simply went to have a pasta dinner at a church in my area.The organization that I work for was sponsoring this and I thought that I would go and have myself some lunch there since it was early in the afternoon.It was a great meal and I enjoyed it.After that,I left.
My night of entertaining the crowd went great.I even tried out a new song that I had been meaning to try out.It all worked out.I also had a friend join me.I drove past him in my car and he saw me driving past him while on his bike and he turned around the minute that he saw that it was me.When I arrived there,I waited for him to arrive back and when he did,I joined him at a table.It was wonderful to have him out.He did not stay too long because he was a little tired but he wanted to come out for a bit.After he was done with his drink,he rode home on his bike.After I had my lunch,I went over to his house to see if he had made it home okay and he did.He was waiting for his girlfriend to come home so they could wait for her father to come over and take them to their house to spend Sunday over there.
After I keft his house,I went out to a store on an Indian reservation within the county that I live in and I picked up a few movies on DVD.They were for $1.00 each and since it was on the reservation,I did not have to pay no tax on the purchase.I also bought a relaxation music CD with the sounds of nature blended in.I also had an ice cream cone.It was delicious.Again,a pretty decent day.
I am going to the movies.I am going to see the new filmed version of Hairspray.It is a filmed version of the Broadway musical that was based on the original 1988 film of the same name.I am hoping that it is as good as the original film.Afterwards,I might go the place and have a friendly drink with a few of the people.
Tomorrow is my day off.I do have a meeting tomorrow with my anger management/conflict resolution support group.I am hoping that the meeting goes good.
That was my day today,my night last night and my hopes for tonight and the day ahead.FJ