Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things planned.
I first decided to pick up a prescription of mine from the drug store and after paying the co-pay for it,I decided to stop in and see how a friend of mine was doing.I hadn't heard from this friend in over a month and was really concerned about him.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Salvation Army thrift store to buy a few things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am always on this constant ride that can get monotonous day after day and/or minute/moment to minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with hallucinatory symptoms of schizophrenia at the same time.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is great.It also shows that God and Christ Jesus are there to help lead the way and try to make me feel more a little at ease.Thanks to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I tossed and turned,but the erection stayed hard and throbbed even more.I sat up and proceeded to get out of my bed and that is when the erection started to soften.I didn't lay back down again until the erection had fully died down and when it did,though it took a little longer for it to soften than usual,I simply got back into bed and right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,lustful thoughts and sexual images of men also crept up into my mind while I was doing this.I stopped and I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for these sinful things that I did and I truly believed that I was forgiven as I felt better after praying.I am learning day after day that the SSA struggle is a very difficult one indeed.I am always craving sex with other men and at times,lustful thoughts and sexual images of men creep up into my mind.When these things happen,I continually keep in mind that these cravings reveal a need that is emotional and not sexual.It is basically same sex emotional needs that need to be fulfilled authentically with positive male to male contact and having positive,authentic and healthy relationships with other men in a healthy Christian way and not in a sexual way.Day after day,I still get baloney from those who are active in that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle,such as "Being 'Gay' is NOT a lifestyle choice", "being 'Gay' is who you are and what you are and nothing can be done about it", "you're 'Born this way' and that's that", with the worst being "God made you 'Gay" for a reason and that sexual activity between two members of the same gender isn't as sinful as it made up to be."But fellow followers and readers,I know that these are all lies made up by men under the influence of Satan,the Devil as Satan wants those who have unnatural sexual desires for members of their own gender to simply go out,live it up and celebrate the "fact" that you are "Gay" and have as much sex as you want to.I know that Satan is out there waiting to devour people and make them turn against the true God,his church and also,his own only begotten son Jesus Christ and to simply ignore what the Holy Bible says as it is simply a mere book of fantasy stories written by different men with very wild imaginations.I hear all of that all of the time and at times,I wish that I didn't hear it so much.I know that the sexual activity between two members of the same gender is wrong and sinful as the Holy Bible,which is God's inspired word and perfect law,says that it is.These things that are written in the Holy Bible were written down for a reason.It was to protect us from the sinful world that is under the influence of Satan and where people are indulging in all the sinful sexual activity,including,but not limited to,the sexual activity between two members of the same gender,that the world offers and all other sorts of sinful activity.I also have to continually keep in mind that indulging in sinful sexual activity with another man is never going to get me what I truly want and truly need,which is affirmation of my gender identity,feelings of authenticity of being accepted by other men despite my faults and struggle and also,to feel like one of the guys and also,to feel like a man,as that type of sexual activity will only reinforce the so called "Gay" identity,which is the identity that I refuse to identify myself with.These unnatural sexual desires that I have are simply indications of deeper emotional needs that I have that need to be fulfilled in a healthy and authentic way and not sexual.While I do have these unnatural desires that are connected with SSA,I know that I have the choice whether or not that I want to act out on them and I am simply willfully choosing not to act out on them.Of course,that choice isn't easy to make as it is easier to choose to indulge in all that sinful sexual activity that the so called "Gay" lifestyle offers,but I look at it this way,I am not pleasing men by making that choice.I am simply pleasing God and showing that I truly accept his perfect law,the truth of his sacred word,the Holy Bible,and his true and real purposes in regards to how we are to act as his servants and also,accept his perfect laws in regards to sexuality.Admittedly,that choice isn't easy to make,but that choice does bring many rewards by God and Christ in the long run.I also would like to say again that the only identity that I accept is that I am a male and a man and aside from being a human being,I refuse to accept anything else other than that.I have disowned the "Gay" identity as I refuse to let the unnatural desires that I have define nor dictate to me how I will be or act.I have kept up in prayer all day whenever any temptations come at me and I ask for strength from God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to fight and resist all temptations as they came at me.Though I continue to do that,I am again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts regularly and also,I once again ask that you leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section as both your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and also,they both make me even more determined to continue in my journey in overcoming this terrible SSA.It is just that my blog gets many visitors,but the visitors usually don't leave any encouraging comments or two.Please don't be shy and make my day by leaving an encouraging word or two in the comments section and also,please continue praying for me as well.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that give and provide.
Tomorrow,with the exception of church in the morning,I have really nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC and got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went over to a local garage to make an appointment to have an oil change done on my car and after that,I was hoping to head over to a friend's house to see how he was doing as I hadn't heard from him in over a month,but the snowfall and the sleet that we were having forced me to stay close to home and I decided to pay him a visit tomorrow instead.I decided to go to a local Burger King to have lunch and after I was done eating that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something I really needed and after paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I decided to fold up all of my laundry that was done early in the week.After that was done,I put it away in it's proper place and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride and at times,this ride can get pretty tiresome and monotonous.Aside from that struggle,I also struggle with schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and ask them for help in dealing with these things rightly and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone here and that is very good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this particular temptation as it was very overwhelming.I tossed and turned,but the erection wouldn't soften.I sat up for a while and took really deep breaths to try and resist,but that also didn't work as the erection continued to throb even more aggressively.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom and I got up to walk to the bathroom and while on the way there,the erection started to soften and after I was finished,my genitals were fully flaccid and I went back to bed and back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day and as the temptations came at me,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ in prayer to give me the strength to fight and resist all the temptations that were coming at me.I prayed very hard to ask for that strength and I always felt better each time I prayed and I moved on with the rest of the day.Last night,after doing some recommended Holy Bible reading,I prayed to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ regarding the anger issues that I had and I really opened up about them and openly expressed myself about them to God and asked him for strength to help me let go of the anger that I was feeling and also,asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive those who had made me angry in my life and I felt like a one trillion ton weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.I sensed that the anger issues that I was having and the feelings alongside them were why I was falling so much into masturbation and also,by fantasies and lusting alongside the masturbatory falls.Today,I was tempted again and I again prayed to God in the name of his son Christ Jesus for strength to continue fighting and resisting all the temptations that came at me and I always felt better when I did so.Though I am continuing to pray daily,I am also again asking for prayers by each and everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts.I am also asking that you don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section when you visit.It is just that my blog gets a lot of visitors,but rarely leave any encouraging comments.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section and keep up in prayer for me as both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and also for being there for me whenever I really need them.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly did 4/5 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as as I had several things planned.
I first went to my Thursday morning spirituality group and it was a wonderful discussion.After the group was over,the agency provided a free pizza lunch and after I ate that,I headed straight home.
When I gt home,I dropped my bible off at home,packed away some money that I needed to pay a bill that I needed to send out and I left the house again to go to my therapist's office.
The session with my therapist went great and after that was over,I headed over to the post office to mail out an important bill that needed to be paid and after that,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after visiting with him for a few minutes,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also made several phone calls that I had to make and after that,I continued taking it easy.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I finished my personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily struggle with BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.They vary from being up and feeling good and/or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same times and I hear things that others don't hear,such as footsteps,a voice calling my name and when I turn around,there is nobody there.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggles of BPD/Schizophrenia seemingly get way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever I feel that it is getting too much and they both help in sustaining me.I am not alone in this struggle and that is wonderful.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do to help me get through this particular struggle.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom and I got up and went there and as I was heading for there,the erection softened and when I was finished using the bathroom.my genitals were fully softened and I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was still tempted throughout the day to indulge in lusting,fantasies and to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.Yes,sexual images of men started to creep up into my mind.I prayed real hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I asked for strength to help me fight and resist these temptations and after I was finished praying each time,I felt better and stronger as I truly believed and felt that God and his son Christ Jesus heard me and they helped me fight and resist each temptation that came at me.These temptations can come around when least expected and I have to be ready when they do come.I am also again asking for prayers from everyone who follows my blog and reads my posts and also,I am again asking that you leave a positive encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Please continue in prayer for me and also,don't be shy and please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your positive encouragement.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the bill that I withdrew at the Where's George site and after that,I relaxed for a while.Before my relaxation,I paid a bill over the phone and was glad to have gotten that out of the way.
Today,I went to a special dinner over at the church,which gave me a break from cooking.I have been looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm as this was a time for fellowship and spiritual reflection.
The dinner was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with some of the people that were there,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and read some recommended passages from the Holy Bible.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal with.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment.It can be monotonous putting up with this emotional roller coaster ride constantly and at times,I wish that I didn't have to go through it.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles and my SSA struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I throw it on God and ask him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get me through any of the negatives that happen and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is great.I simply just put it in the hands of both God and his son Jesus Christ and they lead the way.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide as they provide power beyond what any human therapy can give.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation for the second consecutive time this week as I masturbated to sexual images of men in the wee early morning hours as I also had a throbbing erection alongside all of that.When that happens,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that fall and at the same time,asked God to show me his mercy as this was my second consecutive fall.I felt better after praying as I truly believe that God through his son Christ Jesus has forgiven me.Yes,I do truly believe that I was forgiven and I kept at it with praying through the day as I had temptations coming at me from all sides.I really had to pray hard and believe me,it isn't an easy thing to do when battling all sorts of temptations.It is easier to give into the temptations than it is to pray and ask for strength to fight and resist them.The only thing that I can't figure out is why I am falling so much.As stated,this was the second consecutive fall and I really don't know what the problem might be.I haven't looked at and/or watched any porn lately nor have I looked lustfully at anyone male or even female.I guess that it is because I am still feeling intense anger for some people and that is probably why I am falling quite a bit.I really need to learn to let go of this anger and continue in my healing process from SSA.I am not going to really heal unless I let go and sever all my angry feelings towards people who have hurt me in the past.I also have to learn to let go of the past and move on into the future.While I am going through all of this,I am still needing of prayerful support from all of you who follow my blog and read my posts.I also ask that you leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging comment or two.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.The more that I can get,the better that I will be.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,though still a little rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a few things on my agenda.
I had to pick up a few newspapers and drop them off at a few people's houses that I knew and after that was done,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those things,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and I relaxed for a while and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward and yes,the road is a little rough,I am still on my daily battle and struggle with BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never how I will be emotionally or mood wise from day to day,or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.While having BPD is bad enough,I also have to struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that really makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too difficult and/or way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone and that it is also wonderful that they are there to help me whenever I need them for help.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation early this morning by masturbating and yes,sexual images of men crept up into my mind,which was the root cause of this fall.After the fall,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I did feel better as I truly believed that I am forgiven for that fall.Throughout the day,I kept up in prayer to God as the temptations kept coming at me.They were attacking me at all sides and I had to really pray hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as I didn't want to fall again.I kept it up and asked God for strength to fight and resist all of these temptations in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I felt better as the temptations were reduced to nil.I am again asking that all of you who follow my blog and read my posts to continue praying for me as I am going through this complex emotional time.Please also leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section as well.It is just that my blog does get visitors,but rarely leave an encouraging comment or two for me.Please don't be shy.If you have something to say that can/could benefit me,please leave it in the comments section.Again,please don't be shy.Please also continue in prayer for me as both your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and also,I probably wouldn't fall as much if you did leave an encouraging word or two for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your positive encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do for me.
Tomorrow,there will be a special dinner at my church and I am going to attend that,which is the only thing that I have planned.As for much of the day beforehand,I have nothing else planned,but I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,though it has been pretty rough here and there.I had a pretty good day today,
Today,I showered after waking up in the mid morning and after breakfast and coffee,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things on my agenda.I first went to my sister's house to pick up my laundry and after bagging it,I headed for home to drop it off and headed to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those things,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up another thing that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,the road has been pretty rough.The constant daily struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride can be a chore.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,although it also varies by the minute/moment in the same day at times.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,I also have to put up with hearing things,such as footsteps,voices calling my name,including various other noises and there is usually nobody around when I look to see who it might be.It can get pretty monotonous at times and also,I at times wish that I didn't have to go through or struggle with any of these things.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply continue talking about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better as they are there leading the way and letting me know,in their own way,I have nothing to worry about.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,the temptation to masturbate came again in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection and this time,the temptation was more overwhelming than yesterday.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming urge.At the same time,I sensed that I had to use the bathroom.I got out of bed and I headed for there and as I walked to the bathroom,the erection started to soften and when I was finished in the bathroom,the erection had fully softened and I felt better.I simply went back to bed and back to sleep after that.Though I escaped this episode,I was once again tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I had to really fight to resist them all.Each and every time that I don't give into any temptation,the temptations get stronger and more overwhelming and I really have to continuously fight to resist them all.It gets even more difficult each time.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ all through the day and I asked God for strength to fight and resist every temptation that came at me.I prayed and prayed real hard and each time that I prayed,I felt better and stronger as the temptations were reduced to nil each time.It also showed me that God and Christ were there each time and they heard me.They gave me the strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations.While I am going to continue keeping up in prayer,I am also again asking that y'all who follow my blog and read my posts to also continue in prayer for me and also to leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.My blog does get visitors,but they usually don't leave a comment or two for me as a means of helping me keep going in this fight against this terrible SSA.Don't be shy.If you visit my blog,don't be afraid to leave an encouraging word or two for me.I will approve the comments if they are positive and encouraging to me when it comes to fighting SSA and resisting all of the terrible temptations associated with it.It can be an upbuilding comment with a scripture of two or simply something to encourage me to continue in this fight unabated.Also,please continue in prayer for me as well.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and headed for church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out out of my suit and into some casual clothes.I did my personal PC work and I also had a light lunch before finally getting around to doing what I had to do.
I packed all of my laundry in a bag so I could do all of my laundry at my sister's house.Before heading there,I stopped at a local bargain outlet store to pick up a few things.After that,I headed straight for my sister's house to get my laundry done,which took about an hour to do.After it was finished washing,I put all of the clean,but wet,clothes in the dryer and headed back home.Before that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescriptions.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed into a sweatsuit and relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day,as for me,going to church on Sunday morning's always makes the day eventful.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.Today,my emotions are pretty positive at the moment,but that can change as the day progresses,though I hope that it doesn't.It can also change the next day,though,again,I hope that it doesn't.I simply can't anticipate how my moods and/or emotions will be.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I usually feel a tad better after praying about this particular struggle.It also shows that I am not alone in this particular struggle and that is good.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and for everything that they do in helping me get through this particular struggle.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This was another overwhelming urge and I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation as it was a really strong one.I sat up for a while and kept up fighting the urge as this urge was really strong.It took a few minutes,but the erection did slowly soften.I went back to sleep after my genitals were fully soft.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted to act out by many means throughout the day and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ as they came at me from all sides.The temptations vary by the day and/or by the minute.I get tempted to fantasize and lust after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation does happen at times when I do that.At times,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation comes around,as acting out in that way will never give me what I want and need.That will only give me a temporary fix,but when it's over,the same old negative vibes come back and I am back where I was before.I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I kept asking for strength to fight and resist all of those temptations that came at me and I felt much better after praying as I knew that God and Christ both heard me and were there to give me that strength.While I am still keeping up in prayer,I am also asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read the posts to keep up in prayer for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section. It is because both your prayers and encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.Again,please continue in prayer for me and also,leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,since it is a holiday,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ