Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day as I had a couple of things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for myself and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered the bill that I withdrew at the Where's George site and after that,I relaxed for a while.Before my relaxation,I paid a bill over the phone and was glad to have gotten that out of the way.
Today,I went to a special dinner over at the church,which gave me a break from cooking.I have been looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm as this was a time for fellowship and spiritual reflection.
The dinner was wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with some of the people that were there,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and read some recommended passages from the Holy Bible.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal with.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment.It can be monotonous putting up with this emotional roller coaster ride constantly and at times,I wish that I didn't have to go through it.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles and my SSA struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I throw it on God and ask him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get me through any of the negatives that happen and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that is great.I simply just put it in the hands of both God and his son Jesus Christ and they lead the way.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide as they provide power beyond what any human therapy can give.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation for the second consecutive time this week as I masturbated to sexual images of men in the wee early morning hours as I also had a throbbing erection alongside all of that.When that happens,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that fall and at the same time,asked God to show me his mercy as this was my second consecutive fall.I felt better after praying as I truly believe that God through his son Christ Jesus has forgiven me.Yes,I do truly believe that I was forgiven and I kept at it with praying through the day as I had temptations coming at me from all sides.I really had to pray hard and believe me,it isn't an easy thing to do when battling all sorts of temptations.It is easier to give into the temptations than it is to pray and ask for strength to fight and resist them.The only thing that I can't figure out is why I am falling so much.As stated,this was the second consecutive fall and I really don't know what the problem might be.I haven't looked at and/or watched any porn lately nor have I looked lustfully at anyone male or even female.I guess that it is because I am still feeling intense anger for some people and that is probably why I am falling quite a bit.I really need to learn to let go of this anger and continue in my healing process from SSA.I am not going to really heal unless I let go and sever all my angry feelings towards people who have hurt me in the past.I also have to learn to let go of the past and move on into the future.While I am going through all of this,I am still needing of prayerful support from all of you who follow my blog and read my posts.I also ask that you leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Please don't be shy and leave me an encouraging comment or two.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA.The more that I can get,the better that I will be.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ