Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I got dressed,had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.Af ay.
I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick something that I forgot yesterday.After that,I headed over to a nearby Family Video store to check out the sale that they were having,though I didn't buy anything there.After that,I headed for a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be like from day to day or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.I can be up and feeling good one day/minute/moment and/or down and not so good the next day/minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.It's bad enough having to deal and struggle with the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,but also to deal with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia is another thing all by itself,where I hear things and/or noises and/or voices that only I and nobody else can hear.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be betting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that makes me feel only a tad better as I still have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last long.I sat up in bed and proceeded to get out of it when the erection started to soften immediately.I stayed up for a while and when my genitals were fully soft,I got back into bed and went back to sleep.Though I escaped the episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and the root cause of this was that I was still tired,drowsy and sleepy while sitting in a chair and this time,it was mostly an emotional thing,though there were a few sexual images of men in my mind and they were a contributor,though it was still mostly emotional.I immediately stopped myself and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for doing that unclean and impure practice of touching myself inappropriately.After praying,I moved on with the rest of the day,though I was still tempted to indulge in fantasies and lusting throughout the day as I went along with the day.Whenever these terrible temptations came around,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations as they came at me and I always felt better after praying for that strength.I didn't want to fall again as I did two consecutive times within a 12 hour period between late Thursday night and early Friday morning.I know that I am not perfect and I will fall here and there at times,but I want to show both my Heavenly Father and his son Christ Jesus that I really mean it that I want to resist these temptations and that I also mean it that I want them as well as need them to help me in my healing and recovery from this terrible SSA condition.The SSA condition is a terrible thing as it tries to ruin all people's lives as there are unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA and again,they try to ruin the lives of people all over the world and Satan uses this terrible emotional condition to get all people to sin against God and his perfect law,which is in the Holy Bible,especially where sexuality is concerned.God,when he created the first human couple,Adam and Eve,never intended for sexuality to be used as well as abused by the rest of the unbelieving world and also,Satan tries to also get believers who do know the truth to continue sinning against God despite the fact that true Christian believers know the truth about SSA and that it can be healed with the right Christian association.I still get tempted often to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in same sex sexual activity with them,but as stated,I willfully choose to stay home rather than give into this particular temptation as acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never ever give me the fulfillment that I truly want,but mostly need,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation,which I all that I truly want and also,truly need.I am still asking that all of you who follow my blog to please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this terrible emotional time and also,to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and well as provide.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to a local hair place to get my hair cut and after that was done,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things and after paying for those things,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still in my daily battle and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I also have to put up with hearing things,such as invisible footsteps and invisible voices calling out my name and then turning around to find that there is nobody there.It is a very difficult thing to deal with.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I am not going to mince words here.I am going to be honest and very straight-forward.I gave into temptation twice.I gave into temptation late last night and again early this morning by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,but on both occasions,I actually masturbated until ejaculation once the point of orgasm was there after doing that unclean and impure thing to those lustful and sexual images of men.I really felt miserable as a result of these falls and it felt like there was a crushing weight on top of me as a result of these current failings.On both occasions,I prayed hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I also begged for his mercy as I really felt crushed by these falls.I am an imperfect human being who is prone to sin and I felt that I sinned grievously against God and his son Jesus Christ.I felt,and always still feel so unworthy of him and his undeserved loving kindness and forgiveness.On both occasions,there was lusting involved as visions of nude men were clouding my mind and other lustful sexual images were taking over my mentality and motivated the falls.Again,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I begged for God's mercy as I really felt terrible for falling two consecutive times within a 12 hour period.After I prayed,I felt much better as I truly believed and accepted that God has forgiven me for both time that I fell.For the rest of the day,I was tempted to continue in the sinful practice of lusting and fantasizing of other men and to manipulate my genitals to those images while they crept up into my mind.I had to ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help give me the strength to fight and resist all of these terrible temptations.They really try to bring me down and everything and that really makes me feel so unworthy.Again,I kept asking God in his son Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist all of those terrible temptations and moved on with the day after I finished praying.Aside from the temptations to indulge in lusting and the fantasizing,I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation comes around,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than feed that particular temptation.I still need to continue learning to continue going to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ whenever those other terrible temptations come around.I am so sick of finding men sexually attractive and I am really sick of these terrible temptations trying to get the better of me.I am also again asking for prayers by everyone who follows my blog and reads the posts to continue in prayer for me as I am really in desperate need for prayers and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog does get visitors and curiosity seekers,but comments are rare,though I do get them on occasion.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church on Sunday,I haven't really made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to go to my usual spirituality group that is on Thursday's.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed for a local kitchen to have lunch and after having eating that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local hardware store to pick up some electronics spray and after paying for that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things and after paying for them,I headed to stop in on a friend to see how he was doing and after a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also did some cleaning up around the house.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.While having BPD and my emotions on this constant roller coaster ride can be tiresome and monotonous,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It's bad enough that the emotional roller coaster ride that I am going through can be tiresome and draining emotional roller coaster ride where my emotions very by the day,or sometimes,by the minute/moment,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time.This is a double whammy that I have as far as my psychiatric disability goes and as stated,it can be draining and tiresome as hearing things that only I can hear and nobody else hears alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD can be draining and make me feel exhausted in a psychological sense.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It is a simply a matter of sharing this psychological struggle with God and asking him in the name of his son Christ Jesus to get through it all the rigamarole of having this particular type of psychiatric disability.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do to help out in this particular struggle as they give power beyond what any human therapy can give.Thanks to the both of them for being there for me.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again fighting the temptation to masturbate when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation.I am also learning day after day that the more I resist any temptation,the stronger it gets with every resistance.I simply sat up and proceeded to get out of bed and as I did this,the erection,though it was slow going,started to soften.After I walked to the bathroom and back to bed,the erection had fully died down and I went back to sleep afterwards.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation while still in bed by manipulating my genitals to lustful images of men and yes,the temptation to fantasize was really strong.I stopped doing this and after getting out of bed,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into this unclean and impure activity and also for the lusting that was involved in this.I was still tired and sleepy and that is what made the images come into mind.I am not saying that it excuses or justifies it,but that it was the root cause of this.Throughout the rest of the day,I was tempted to manipulate my genitals to lustful and sexual images of men that were creeping up into my mind.I had to really pray hard to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to ask for strength to fight and resist these temptations as they were coming on strong and fierce.The more I put up a resistance,the more stronger each and every temptation becomes.I kept up in prayer to God the entire day and I always felt better and even much stronger whenever I did.I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I willfully choose to stay home rather than go out and feed that particular type of temptation.I am learning that the fight to resist all sorts of temptations connected with struggling with SSA is a very difficult fight indeed and at times,it can make one pretty exhausted.While I am keeping up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,I am also asking that those of you who follow my blog and read my posts to also continue in praying for me as I am going through this difficult time where I am being tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have constantly.I also ask that you don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.My blog gets quite a few visitors,but they rarely leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I keep asking for this because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue on this healing journey out of this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to do the things that I started to plan.
I first went to a local supermarket to put some money on the phone bill.After that,I headed over to the post office to buy a money order to pay my car insurance for the month.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and eagerly awaited the time for me to go to a dinner at my church's fellowship hall.When the time came,I headed over there.
The dinner was wonderful and I had some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers.We also had another part of a video presentation about the Jewish Passover.After the whole thing was over with,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and read some recommended Holy Bible passages suggested by the daily devotions that I get in my e-mail every day.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am always feeling the ups and downs of this particular thing that I have and at times,it can get tiresome and monotonous.It also,at times,makes me feel drained.Aside from that,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have make the BPD struggle for me even worse.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time,such as hearing noises like footsteps while I am walking or hearing a loud voice calling out my name and there is nobody to be found anywhere around when I look to see if anybody is there.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is great.It also makes me feel a tad better as both God and Christ Jesus are leading the way and are in control.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This was a really overwhelming temptation at that and I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this temptation.I started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften and I proceeded to get out of bed to head for the bathroom and it kept getting softer.When I was finished in the bathroom,the erection had fully died down and I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation while still in bed by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,there were sexual images of men clouding my mind when I gave into this temptation.I was trying to fully wake up as I was still feeling tired from the effects of my medication and oversleeping after the time that I wanted to get up,but slept through the alarm.When I finally did get up,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and I did feel much better afterwards.I kept up in prayer all day as the temptation to act out kept coming at me.I get tempted to act out mostly by lusting after men via the images that cloud my mind at times and also,to fantasize with those images,which includes the subsequent genital manipulation to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation happens at times while I am doing this unclean and impure habit.I was tempted to do that throughout the day and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and asked God in his son Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations and after the prayer,I felt better and much stronger as the temptation was reduced to nil.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I willfully choose to stay home rather than feed it,as acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me any true positive benefits,but will only make me yearn for more and more.It also will not fulfill the same sex emotional needs that I need to have fulfilled in an affirming and authentic way,which is by positive relationships with other men and also,relating,identifying and connecting with them in a healthy and authentic Christian way,which is all that I truly want and so desperately need.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also again that you keep up in prayer for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from the unnatural sexual desires connected with SSA.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch later at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to carry on with the rest of the day.
The first thing that I did was that I stopped at the mental health clinic at the local hospital to pick up the paperwork that I dropped off yesterday to be signed by the nurse practitioner and my therapist and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I stopped at the drug store to pick up a prescription and after paying the co-pay on it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.I also made a few important phone calls that needed to be made.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal with as I am always on an up and down thing in regards to my emotions and/or moods.I never know how my mood will be from day to day or minute/moment to minute/moment.I can be up and feeling good one day or minute/moment and/or down and feeling not so good the next day or minute/moment.Aside from having BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD even more difficult.I also have to put with hearing things that others around me can't hear,such as hearing footsteps,voices calling out my name and facing up to the reality that there is nobody there physically and feeling down at times as a result of all of those hallucinatory effects and symptoms of schizophrenia and when combined with the up and down emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,it can get pretty tiresome and make me emotionally drained.I am still attending my sessions with my therapist and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.While I do get tempted to masturbate throughout the day every day,it is when I get these wee early morning hour throbbing erections that really make the temptation to masturbate really overwhelming at times,including this wee early morning,sexual images of men can cloud my mind and make it very difficult to resist.I tried to toss and turn,but it only made the erection throb more.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got up and headed over to the bathroom and while walking there,though it was slow in doing so,the erection started to soften and after the few minutes that I spent in the bathroom,my genitals were fully soft and when I was finished,I headed back to bed and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a couple of later temptations while trying to fully wake up.The first was when I was still in bed and I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,sexual images of men were clouding my mind,with the other one happening when I did get up and was sitting down in a chair,and yes at both instances,sexual images of men clouded my mind,which motivated the giving in to this particular temptation.I managed to stop myself and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into these two temptations and I really prayed hard and asked for God's mercy in my giving into these things.I truly believed that I was forgiven for these sins and I went on with the rest of the day.Throughout the day,I was still getting tempted to indulge in sinful activity surrounding SSA.I was tempted to indulge in fantasies and to masturbate to these fantasies.I was tempted to lust repeatedly throughout the day and I had to keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I repeatedly asked for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations and I always felt better after praying as the temptations were reduced to nil.I kept at it throughout the day as I do get tempted to indulge in anything sinful and I really had to ask God for strength in fighting and resisting.While I am still doing that,I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read the posts to continue in prayer for me as I am going through all of this.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but rarely leave comments in the comments section.Please don't be afraid to leave anything encouraging to me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,there will be another dinner at my church,which is the only thing that I have planned.I really have nothing else planned for the rest of the day.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to the mental health clinic over at the local hospital to get some papers signed.After that,I headed over to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money to pay a bill tomorrow and after that,I headed over to a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also made a phone call to an organization that I am hoping to hook up with in the near future.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.There are times that I wish that I didn't have to go through this,but I know that this is a wish that will never come true,so I continue in my daily battle and struggle with it.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult,because I also have to put up with hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me whenever this particular struggle can get tiresome and monotonous.It also shows that I am not nor ever will be alone in this particular struggle.Thanks in advance to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this particular temptation.I sat up for a while and though it was pretty slow,the erection started to soften and I proceeded to get out of bed to use the bathroom and when I was finished,the erection had now fully died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up by manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men that were clouding my mind.I must admit that the manipulation of my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation does happen on occasion as a result of me doing this and yes,it is always to sexual images of men when I am doing this.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for this sin and I immediately felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and I moved on.I was still tempted to do these things throughout the day and when the temptations came around again,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations that came at me.I always felt better after doing that as the temptations were reduced to nil.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home whenever that temptation hits as I don't want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA.It is because that I know that acting out sexually will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation that I truly need and want.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who continue to follow my blog and read the posts that I post here.I am also asking that you please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my journey of overcoming this terrible aforementioned SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I showered quickly.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.I also had the opportunity today to do a reading from the Holy Bible in front of the congregation and I received many positive accolades from my reading as many of my fellow worshipers said that I did a wonderful job reading.After some wonderful fellowship with the members,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed out of my suit and into my casual clothes and headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to do some grocery shopping.I also managed to have a light lunch at Burger King before that.After I was done at Wal-Mart,I headed over to a local hardware store to pick up a small tube of Krazy Glue.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a pack of cookies and after paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the cookies away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day as for me,going to church every Sunday makes the day eventful.I always look forward to church each and every Sunday.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride,which can get pretty tiresome and monotonous at times.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be from one day to the next,or at times,from one minute/moment to the next.I can be up and feeling good one day/one minute/moment and down the next day/minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is wonderful and it shows that God and his son Jesus Christ are there helping me get through all of this rigamarole of having BPD/Schizophrenia combination.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It was a really overwhelming temptation as well.I had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I sat up and started to get out of bed and the erection started to soften.I didn't lay back down until my genitals were fully soft and when they were,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I was tempted throughout the day to act out on these unnatural desires that I have by masturbation,fantasies and/or lusting after other men and also,to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping.I fought these urges by throwing each temptation on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I asked for strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations and I felt much better and stronger as a result of me doing that.I am again asking that all of you continue to pray for me as I am going through this difficult emotional struggle and also,I also ask that none of you who visit be shy and leave me an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.My blog does get visitors and/or curiosity seekers,but they rarely leave an encouraging comment or two.Please don't be shy.Please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Please also continue to keep up in prayer for me.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ