Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to carry on with the rest of the day.
The first thing that I did was that I stopped at the mental health clinic at the local hospital to pick up the paperwork that I dropped off yesterday to be signed by the nurse practitioner and my therapist and after that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how a friend of mine was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I stopped at the drug store to pick up a prescription and after paying the co-pay on it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.I also made a few important phone calls that needed to be made.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.It is never an easy thing to deal with as I am always on an up and down thing in regards to my emotions and/or moods.I never know how my mood will be from day to day or minute/moment to minute/moment.I can be up and feeling good one day or minute/moment and/or down and feeling not so good the next day or minute/moment.Aside from having BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD even more difficult.I also have to put with hearing things that others around me can't hear,such as hearing footsteps,voices calling out my name and facing up to the reality that there is nobody there physically and feeling down at times as a result of all of those hallucinatory effects and symptoms of schizophrenia and when combined with the up and down emotional roller coaster ride of BPD,it can get pretty tiresome and make me emotionally drained.I am still attending my sessions with my therapist and I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this particular struggle and that makes me feel a tad better.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.While I do get tempted to masturbate throughout the day every day,it is when I get these wee early morning hour throbbing erections that really make the temptation to masturbate really overwhelming at times,including this wee early morning,sexual images of men can cloud my mind and make it very difficult to resist.I tried to toss and turn,but it only made the erection throb more.I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,so I got up and headed over to the bathroom and while walking there,though it was slow in doing so,the erection started to soften and after the few minutes that I spent in the bathroom,my genitals were fully soft and when I was finished,I headed back to bed and went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a couple of later temptations while trying to fully wake up.The first was when I was still in bed and I started to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping and yes,sexual images of men were clouding my mind,with the other one happening when I did get up and was sitting down in a chair,and yes at both instances,sexual images of men clouded my mind,which motivated the giving in to this particular temptation.I managed to stop myself and I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for giving into these two temptations and I really prayed hard and asked for God's mercy in my giving into these things.I truly believed that I was forgiven for these sins and I went on with the rest of the day.Throughout the day,I was still getting tempted to indulge in sinful activity surrounding SSA.I was tempted to indulge in fantasies and to masturbate to these fantasies.I was tempted to lust repeatedly throughout the day and I had to keep up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and I repeatedly asked for strength to help me fight and resist these terrible temptations and I always felt better after praying as the temptations were reduced to nil.I kept at it throughout the day as I do get tempted to indulge in anything sinful and I really had to ask God for strength in fighting and resisting.While I am still doing that,I am again asking that all of you who continually follow my blog and read the posts to continue in prayer for me as I am going through all of this.Please continue in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two in the comments section.It is just that my blog gets many visitors and curiosity seekers,but rarely leave comments in the comments section.Please don't be afraid to leave anything encouraging to me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Christ Jesus for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,there will be another dinner at my church,which is the only thing that I have planned.I really have nothing else planned for the rest of the day.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ