Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I headed out to do the things that I started to plan.
I first went to a local supermarket to put some money on the phone bill.After that,I headed over to the post office to buy a money order to pay my car insurance for the month.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and eagerly awaited the time for me to go to a dinner at my church's fellowship hall.When the time came,I headed over there.
The dinner was wonderful and I had some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers.We also had another part of a video presentation about the Jewish Passover.After the whole thing was over with,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and read some recommended Holy Bible passages suggested by the daily devotions that I get in my e-mail every day.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward,I am still in my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I am always feeling the ups and downs of this particular thing that I have and at times,it can get tiresome and monotonous.It also,at times,makes me feel drained.Aside from that,the schizophrenic tendencies that I have make the BPD struggle for me even worse.Aside from the emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same time,such as hearing noises like footsteps while I am walking or hearing a loud voice calling out my name and there is nobody to be found anywhere around when I look to see if anybody is there.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.It shows that I am never alone in this particular struggle and that is great.It also makes me feel a tad better as both God and Christ Jesus are leading the way and are in control.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This was a really overwhelming temptation at that and I really had to use all of my own strength to fight and resist this temptation.I started to sit up and as I did,the erection started to soften and I proceeded to get out of bed to head for the bathroom and it kept getting softer.When I was finished in the bathroom,the erection had fully died down and I went right back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation while still in bed by manipulating my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and yes,there were sexual images of men clouding my mind when I gave into this temptation.I was trying to fully wake up as I was still feeling tired from the effects of my medication and oversleeping after the time that I wanted to get up,but slept through the alarm.When I finally did get up,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and I did feel much better afterwards.I kept up in prayer all day as the temptation to act out kept coming at me.I get tempted to act out mostly by lusting after men via the images that cloud my mind at times and also,to fantasize with those images,which includes the subsequent genital manipulation to get them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation happens at times while I am doing this unclean and impure habit.I was tempted to do that throughout the day and I kept up in prayer to God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and asked God in his son Christ Jesus' name to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations and after the prayer,I felt better and much stronger as the temptation was reduced to nil.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that particular temptation comes around,I willfully choose to stay home rather than feed it,as acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never give me any true positive benefits,but will only make me yearn for more and more.It also will not fulfill the same sex emotional needs that I need to have fulfilled in an affirming and authentic way,which is by positive relationships with other men and also,relating,identifying and connecting with them in a healthy and authentic Christian way,which is all that I truly want and so desperately need.While I have been keeping up in prayer,I am also again that you keep up in prayer for me and also,to please leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.I ask these things because both your prayers and your encouraging words help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to overcome this terrible SSA and to continue in my journey to heal from the unnatural sexual desires connected with SSA.Please keep up in prayer for me and also,please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
Tomorrow,I have my usual spirituality group and lunch later at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ