Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first went to the mental health clinic over at the local hospital to get some papers signed.After that,I headed over to see how a friend of mine was doing and after spending a few minutes with him,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money to pay a bill tomorrow and after that,I headed over to a nearby gas station to get some gas and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.I also made a phone call to an organization that I am hoping to hook up with in the near future.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.There are times that I wish that I didn't have to go through this,but I know that this is a wish that will never come true,so I continue in my daily battle and struggle with it.My moods and/or emotions vary by the day,or at times,by the minute/moment within the same day.If having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult,because I also have to put up with hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia alongside the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also continuing to rely more on my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too overwhelming for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular with my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me whenever this particular struggle can get tiresome and monotonous.It also shows that I am not nor ever will be alone in this particular struggle.Thanks in advance to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do whenever this particular struggle seems to be getting way too difficult for me to handle.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this particular temptation.I sat up for a while and though it was pretty slow,the erection started to soften and I proceeded to get out of bed to use the bathroom and when I was finished,the erection had now fully died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I did give into a later temptation after getting up by manipulating my genitals to sexual images of men that were clouding my mind.I must admit that the manipulation of my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,though ejaculation does happen on occasion as a result of me doing this and yes,it is always to sexual images of men when I am doing this.I immediately asked my Heavenly Father in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for this sin and I immediately felt better as I truly believed that I was forgiven and I moved on.I was still tempted to do these things throughout the day and when the temptations came around again,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these temptations that came at me.I always felt better after doing that as the temptations were reduced to nil.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I willfully choose to stay home whenever that temptation hits as I don't want to act out on these unnatural desires that I have that are connected with SSA.It is because that I know that acting out sexually will never give me what I truly want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation that I truly need and want.I am again asking for prayers by everyone who continue to follow my blog and read the posts that I post here.I am also asking that you please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Please continue praying for me and also,please don't be shy by leaving an encouraging word or two for me in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight against SSA and make me even more determined to continue in my journey of overcoming this terrible aforementioned SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouragement.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ