Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I showered.After my shower,I got dressed,had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.Af ay.
I first went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick something that I forgot yesterday.After that,I headed over to a nearby Family Video store to check out the sale that they were having,though I didn't buy anything there.After that,I headed for a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
While my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and it's accompanying emotional roller coaster ride.I never know how my moods and/or emotions will be like from day to day or at times,from minute/moment to minute/moment.I can be up and feeling good one day/minute/moment and/or down and not so good the next day/minute/moment.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my BPD struggles even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier,either.It's bad enough having to deal and struggle with the BPD emotional roller coaster ride,but also to deal with the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia is another thing all by itself,where I hear things and/or noises and/or voices that only I and nobody else can hear.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am still continuing to rely more on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the struggle seems to be betting way too unbearable for me to handle.I simply talk about this particular struggle with God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and they both help in sustaining me.I am never alone in this struggle and that makes me feel only a tad better as I still have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD and the hallucinatory effects of schizophrenia at the same.Thanks to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep,though it didn't last long.I sat up in bed and proceeded to get out of it when the erection started to soften immediately.I stayed up for a while and when my genitals were fully soft,I got back into bed and went back to sleep.Though I escaped the episode,I did give into a later temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them near/fully erect and/or to the point of orgasm and stopping,and the root cause of this was that I was still tired,drowsy and sleepy while sitting in a chair and this time,it was mostly an emotional thing,though there were a few sexual images of men in my mind and they were a contributor,though it was still mostly emotional.I immediately stopped myself and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for doing that unclean and impure practice of touching myself inappropriately.After praying,I moved on with the rest of the day,though I was still tempted to indulge in fantasies and lusting throughout the day as I went along with the day.Whenever these terrible temptations came around,I immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to give me the strength to fight and resist these terrible temptations as they came at me and I always felt better after praying for that strength.I didn't want to fall again as I did two consecutive times within a 12 hour period between late Thursday night and early Friday morning.I know that I am not perfect and I will fall here and there at times,but I want to show both my Heavenly Father and his son Christ Jesus that I really mean it that I want to resist these temptations and that I also mean it that I want them as well as need them to help me in my healing and recovery from this terrible SSA condition.The SSA condition is a terrible thing as it tries to ruin all people's lives as there are unnatural sexual desires that are connected with SSA and again,they try to ruin the lives of people all over the world and Satan uses this terrible emotional condition to get all people to sin against God and his perfect law,which is in the Holy Bible,especially where sexuality is concerned.God,when he created the first human couple,Adam and Eve,never intended for sexuality to be used as well as abused by the rest of the unbelieving world and also,Satan tries to also get believers who do know the truth to continue sinning against God despite the fact that true Christian believers know the truth about SSA and that it can be healed with the right Christian association.I still get tempted often to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in same sex sexual activity with them,but as stated,I willfully choose to stay home rather than give into this particular temptation as acting out on these unnatural desires that I have will never ever give me the fulfillment that I truly want,but mostly need,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation,which I all that I truly want and also,truly need.I am still asking that all of you who follow my blog to please keep up in prayer for me as I am going through this terrible emotional time and also,to please don't be shy and leave an encouraging word or two in the comments section.Your prayers and your encouraging words both help keep me going in this fight and make me even more determined to continue in my journey to overcome this terrible SSA.Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and for your encouraging words.Thanks also to both God and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and well as provide.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ