Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had a few things on my agenda for today.I first went to the local Salvation Army thrift store and I bought a few nice things.After that,I headed to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few necessary things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I started to do a little bit more personal PC work.I also started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work and I also enjoyed some music.I relaxed for much of the time and I also talked to a few people on the phone.Later on,I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is my most difficult struggle.I have been talking so much lately about my falls into sin and everything in regards to my struggles with SSA,but I need to talk about something else.I have been holding something back and tonight,I am going to let it all go.
Last night,when I was at my Celebrate Recovery group,a question was asked asking us what sin or sins are keeping you awake at night or nagging you during the day.Last night,I knew I had to come clean.There have been some things that I have been holding back.I feel that this is why I am still trapped with the unnatural sexual desires that I have.The question asked was "Is there any anger or resentment that you have that is keeping up at night or nagging you through the day?"After all the other men shared,I shared everything.I admitted that I still have some unresolved anger,resentment and trauma issues in my life.I also revealed where the anger and resentment was mostly aimed at.Most of my anger and resentment is still geared towards my father.I revealed that my father physically and emotionally abused me.I also added that aside from that abuse,all that I ever got from my father was his legalism and deprivation.He deprived me of my rights to express myself and only allowed me to only Yes and No answers.I was never allowed anything else and even if I tried to express myself,my father automatically assumed that an evil spirit or a demon was talking through me and he would lay his hands on me and shout out "In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ,get out of my son!" and I would fight to get free from it,but he would apply more strength and he wouldn't let up until I was totally exhausted from fighting to get free.Not only that,my father never gave me any fatherly love nor did he ever share his manliness with me when I was a kid.He was also mostly absent for the vast majority of my life.Not only that,I also have had several traumatic experiences in my life that were mostly instigated by my father,but there were others.One of those was from the domestic violence that I witnessed where my locally living sister was the victim of.I was not only a witness to these violent occurrences,but I too was a victim of that man because there were times that he assaulted me as well when I was still a child.I went from one violent situation with my father to another violent situation with the man that my sister was involved with.The worst traumatic experience of my life was the night when I was chased by a bunch of punks into the path of two cars where the first one struck me and the next one just ran over me and dragged me.I almost lost my life that night and the doctors who worked on me didn't give me a good chance of survival.Fortunately,I survived that night and came through,but the long recovery was very painful and agonizing.Fortunately,I healed up great,but I still feel the pain whenever bad weather is about to come around,which is a vivid reminder of that night.The thing with all of this is that I am always recycling these stories whenever I get a different therapist or when I get involved with a new recovery group.Nobody has ever pointed me in the direction of resolving and transcending these experiences so I can discover what real healing I can get from this terrible SSA and all the other emotional issues that I want to get resolved.I also had some terrible emotional issues from a religious cult that I followed for two years of my life.Again,I was pointed in the direction of getting these issues resolved and transcending beyond it all so I can really heal from all of these experiences.The problem is that I really don't know how to go about it.I don't know how to simply let go and move on.I want to heal from and overcome this terrible SSA and go on to become the man that my Heavenly Father wants me and intends me to be.I am always shouting angry things to myself like if I am lashing out at the people who have made me angry pretending that they are there in the room with me.It is not just my father,but also my locally living sister and other people like so called friends who used me and abused me for their own selfish pleasures,those who sexually abused me,which contributed to my SSA struggles and also confused me,and those who bullied and assaulted me years ago and also,called me horrible names that I wouldn't even call my my mother(may she rest in peace)or my father even if they were those things that I was called.Fellow blog followers and readers,if any of you have any ideas or what books and articles that I can read that can help me let go and finally get the resolutions and transcending that I desperately need to finally start getting the real healing that I need to not only heal from and overcome SSA,but also all the other issues that I need to get resolved.I still need your prayers and yes as usual,I still need your positive verbal support in the comments section.I really need all the support and advice that I can get.I still need prayerful support as much as I need your positive verbal support.Please continue to pray for me and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of church as usual,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered hurriedly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first had a meeting with my caseworker that was at my house.After the meeting was over,I headed out to do some much needed shopping.
I first went to the local Salvation Army thrift store and bought a few nice things.After that,I headed over to a local Big Lots to pick up a few food items.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I desperately needed.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did some more personal PC work.
After I ate a light meal,I headed over to the Friday night Celebrate Recovery group,which was a wonderful meeting.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,since I was tired,I changed out of my casual clothes into bed clothes and prepared for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
Since I am extremely tired as a result of my medication kicking in,I am simply going to leave it at this point.I will start to share anything in regards to my struggles with BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA tomorrow.All that I ask is that you continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance for your support and Thanks also to my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
As for the weekend,with the exception of church as usual on Sunday morning,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had a cup of coffee.I also had to shower quickly because I was meeting my job placement counselor/coach at the agency and I had to hurry.After my quick shower,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I got dressed up in dress clothes quickly and I headed over to the agency so my job placement counselor/coach could analyze the application and tell me whether it is ready or not.When she said that it was ready,I dated the application and after attaching my resume and her business card,I turned the application in.After that,I headed straight home after I picked up another job application on the way.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and into a sweatsuit.I had a light lunch and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.After it was over,I did a little bit more PC work and started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I did some more personal PC work and I also enjoyed a little music while doing so.Later on,I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.Though it does,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is my most difficult struggle of the two.Today,I was overwhelmed by temptations after two straight days of none.I was tempted to fantasize and lust after other men,which also led to being tempted to touch myself inappropriately by manipulating my genitals.Fortunately for me,the temptations did die down and I had to take the initiative to try and replace the sexual thoughts that the evil spirits were feeding my brain and tempting me.I decided to simply lay down and read a little bit and the temptations died down.I am hoping that I don't get overwhelmed by temptations for a long time.I have more than enough stress in my life and having to deal and endure temptations to act out on the unnatural sexual desires that I have makes my life even more stressful.I don't have very much here in my hometown in regards to getting help with SSA and wanting to heal from and overcome it.Right now,they are still trying to find a new priest to take over the local Courage ministry and I have to check back near the end of the month to see if they found a new priest to take over.I am hoping that they do because I need to get back into this.I need to find men who understand what I am going through in my area so I can get some support,including acceptance of myself as I am by these other men and also,the affirmations that I desperately need.Right now,my only source of that type of support is Celebrate Recovery and the retired pastor who has been serving as my Christian counselor for the past several months.I do have my usual mental health therapy,but I refuse to talk about my struggles with SSA with them.Why?Because those in the mental health profession in the USA usually encourage those with SSA desires to embrace the so called "Homosexual/Gay" identity and live their lives in sinfulness by indulging in sinful sexual activity with members of their own gender,even though there are many,including myself,don't want to do that at all.So,I keep it from them and share my SSA struggles only with the right people.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,I would really appreciate that you all would leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need both your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.Please continue praying for me and also,please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to y'all for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,with the exception of my evening Celebrate Recovery group,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished showering,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and when that was finished,I got dressed and I proceeded with what I had to do today.
I only had a couple of things on my agenda for today.I first went to a local supermarket to continue getting more food for the month and after that,I paid a bill that needed to be paid.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to fill out a job application and I left a message with my job placement counselor/coach to give me a call so I can make an appointment to meet with her so she can check it out and I can turn it in.After that,I popped a DVD into the DVD player and I relaxed while watching it.I also did some more personal PC work.Later on,I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.Though it is,I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult of the two for me.Today,though it is,I wasn't tempted in any way,shape or form today.I guess that by staying busy and keeping my mind on important things,it took my mind off of the sexual aspects of the SSA struggle.There are still some obstacles that I need to overcome and conquer,but I have to take it one day at a time.Though I did escape today unscathed,there is still tomorrow and the days after tomorrow.I still need to stay on guard and be watchful as Satan and his minions can strike at any time with temptations of all sorts.I still have to show these terrible unnatural sexual desires that I have that I own them and not the other way around.I am still working on this.I am also still a work in progress and I have to take this process one day at a time.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't be afraid to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.I still need both your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.It helps keep me going.It also helps reaffirm and reassure me that I am not alone in this particular struggle.I feel alone when people visit,but leave nothing in the comments section.I still need the support from all of you.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't forget to leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and when that was finished,I decided to pop a DVD into the DVD player and watch it.After that was over,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with my day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda for today.I first went to the post office to mail out an important payment and when that was finished,I headed for a couple of local stores to pick up a couple of things for a light evening meal.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I started to prepare my evening meal.
After eating,I decided to listen to a little music and I did some more personal PC work.I also had a phone conversation with someone that I hadn't spoken to in a long time.After that was done,I did a little bit more personal PC work.Later on,I started to prepare for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty good day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and SSA,which is the most difficult struggle that I have.Today,I can say that I wasn't tempted to act out in any way,shape or form.I wasn't tempted to act out by fantasies and lusting as no sexual images of men clouded my mind.Though I escaped today unscathed,there is still tomorrow and the days after tomorrow.I have to continue to stay on guard and be watchful as Satan and his minions can strike at any time with temptations galore.Fellow blog followers and readers,please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please don't hesitate to leave me some positive verbal encouragement in the comments section.I still need both your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.Your support really matters and is very important to me.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,please leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you for your continued prayerful and positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty fair day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I quickly did my personal PC work and when I was finished,I laid down to read for a while and after that,I headed out.
I only had two things on my agenda for today.I first went to a local restaurant to pick up a job application and after that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things for my evening meal tonight.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I did some more personal PC work.After that was done,I prepared a light evening meal.
After eating,I relaxed and enjoyed some music.I also had a conversation with a friend over the phone.After that,I did a little bit more reading.Later on,I started to get ready for my evening retirement.Overall,a pretty fair day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
My rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I am still in my daily struggles against BPD/Schizophrenia and my most difficult struggle of the two,SSA.The SSA struggle can be a very difficult struggle.It can get even more tougher as the days go on and on.What makes the struggle get even more difficult is when you hear in the news about same-sex marriages,same-sex couplings and unions and also,children who want to change their gender identity,such as boys wanting to be girls and girls wanting to be boys.I sometimes wonder why can't they leave what our sovereign Lord and creator,our Heavenly Father,made and created just the way it is.I feel that the creator plays a role in who is born male or female and that these children should learn to be satisfied with what their gender identity is and embrace their gender identity.Why can't they do that?The thing is if they were meant to be male,they should accept their male identity and embrace it and not try to change it.The same thing is also applied to one born a female.Not only that,it is also the way our culture is trying to redefine marriage and family arrangements.They're trying to redefine it so two members of the same gender can marry and also,have a family where there are two fathers and two mothers.The thing is that no child,either male or female,should be without both a father and a mother as that is not what the family and marital arrangements were intended for nor made for by our creator,our Heavenly Father who created humans and also,the marital and family arrangements in the beginning when he did create it all.It does make the SSA struggle difficult as when I see and hear these things in the news,it disillusions me.I am struggling and trying to do what is right in the eyes of my Heavenly Father,but things like this make doing the right thing very difficult.I am also trying to learn to accept and embrace my gender identity and I am also trying to go through the process to heal from the wounds that are the root cause of my SSA struggles and also,I am trying to overcome SSA successfully like many others I have heard about have done successfully.Today,I was overwhelmed by temptations to fantasize and lust after other men,but fought not to give into these terrible temptations.With what I said above,I see that our culture is getting warped by the day and it's getting worse and worse with no sign of it ever getting better.I want to do the right thing,but my sinful fleshly nature wants me to do the opposite of the right thing.I can't let these unnatural sexual desires own me.I want to own them and not the other way around.Fellow blog followers and readers,I am still in need of your prayerful and positive verbal support daily and often.Please continue to keep me in your prayers and also,I would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.I need your prayers and encouraging comments.Please continue praying for me.Please also leave me some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to y'all for your prayers and continued positive verbal support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ for everything that they do and provide.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I had my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my coffee,I showered quickly and when I was finished showering,I had my usual quick breakfast.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.There were a lot of people this morning in church.It was actually more than usual.After some wonderful fellowship and a charity lunch at a fire hall across the street from the church,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work and while doing so,I had some music on.After it was done,I laid down and read for a while.
I was invited out to dinner at a friend's place.I got dressed in casual clothes and I headed over to their place.
The dinner was wonderful.We talked for a few hours and when it was late in the evening,I left and I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got ready to go to sleep.Overall,a wonderful and eventful day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading done as well.
For tonight,since I am tired and a little exhausted,I will report on my struggles again starting tomorrow.I only ask that all of you please continue to keep me in your prayers.I also ask that you leave some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks in advance to all of you and Thanks to my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have nothing planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ