Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still rough.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed and headed out to go to the post office to mail out an important payment that needed to be mailed out.After I was done at the post office,I headed out to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick a couple of things that my mom needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the stuff bought away and I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up a light lunch.After eating that lunch,I headed over to a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped to see how another friend was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while,did some recommended Holy Bible reading and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward,but the road is a very rough one.I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I can never tell how my mood will be one day or the next,or at times,one minute to the next.It is simply a continuous roller coaster ride that is always unpredictable.It having BPD wasn't bad enough,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside the BPD.I have to put up with hearing noises and things that nobody else hears,such as footsteps,hearing my name being called and there is nobody around when I turn around to see if someone is calling me and other noises.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving and I can start feeling good for a while instead of the roller coaster ride that my emotions are always on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened by an erection.This was also another throbbing one.This erection was almost unbearable and horrendous.I had to really get up and take a walk,but for a while,my penis still remained erect.I just kept it up until it would soften and when I felt that I had to use the bathroom,I simply headed for the bathroom and the erection started to die down.After using the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that acting out in any,way,shape or form will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Masturbation,which is a form of acting out either by emotional or fanciful(i.e.fantasy)purposes,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me even further away from my lost maleness that I am trying to attain.The Homosexual identity is an identity that I am trying to distance myself from and escape from and acting out will only reinforce that identity.It the temptation to masturbate isn't bad enough,I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purposes of having sexual activity with them.But I don't go out to satisfy nor fulfill that temptation as it also will never give me what I truly need or want,either.I have to keep in mind God's law regarding sexuality and that God made man and woman and intended each and every one of us living on Earth to be healthy and happy Heterosexuals.Homosexuality is simply an identity that wasn't what God intended for us humans living on Earth as it happened after the fall from perfection when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and were unrepentant in their sin and as a result,led all of mankind into imperfection,sin,including sexual sin,and the worst of all,death.I am only trying to adhere to God's laws regarding sexuality and I don't want to act out on my unnatural desires and reinforce the identity that I am trying to distance myself from and escape,which is Homosexuality.Again,I did get some really good advice from a fellow follower and though I am trying to apply it in my life in my resistance to acting out on my unnatural sexual desires,I am still seeking even more advice and/or suggestions in this area.I am also still open to anything.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,being Mother's Day,I only have church on my agenda and the Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery soldiers onward,though the road still remains rocky.I had a pretty god day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things to do in the early afternoon and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to a local bargain closeout outlet store to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while before getting ready for my appointment with the pastor at the church.I was having high hopes for this and I was hoping that it would go well.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and eagerly awaited dinner.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work and some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues moving forward,but the road is still a rocky and rough one at that.It is never easy dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that it continually has on a day to day basis.I never can know how my mood will be on certain days and how it will be before the day ends.On some days,I can be up and feeling good while on other days,down and not so good.Sometimes,it happens all in the same day.I can be up and feeling good most of the day,but then I could feel down before the day ends.It is a very difficult emotional roller coaster.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that even makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my road to recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating when I was awakened in the wee early morning hours by three consecutive erections.They were all throbbing erection as well.I had to really work on all three of these to resist the temptation to masturbate these away because that was my old way of ridding myself from these by masturbation.For the first two erections,I had to get up and do some walking.The first time was when I headed for the bathroom as I had to use it anyway and after that,the erection died down.The second one was simply to get up and walk a little until the erection died down.On both of these occasions,I simply went back to sleep.On the third one,I had to get up anyway and as soon as I started moving,the erection died down.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out with them sexually,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I still do get the temptation to go out and seek male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't give into that temptation as I choose to stay home instead of deliberately choosing to go indulging in anything sinful.I also have to keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used in the way that the world around us is using it.Plus,I have to continually keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want and will only leave me feeling empty in the end.I am looking for affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I am also looking for real male friends that I can confide and trust in as well as relate,identify and connect with in a healthy authentic way.I am not looking for male sexual partners.I am looking for real male friends.I just want to be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.Again,I don't anything sexual with any man or men in general.I am just looking to be accepted and belong to the world of men as I am a man myself.Regarding the resistance to acting out,I am applying some advice that was given to me by a blog follower,but I am still open to any suggestions or advice on how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape of form.Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions.
As for the weekend,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things planned for today and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to my mandatory spirituality group.I was looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and positive anticipation as I always do.I was hoping to get a lot out of it and hope to use what I got out of it in my daily life.
The group was wonderful.After leaving,I went to a local community kitchen for lunch and after lunch,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up something.After paying for that,I stopped at the post office to mail out some Mother's Day cards.After they were in the mailbox,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a movie in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work and some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward despite a rocky road.Then again,when you are dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD,you never know what is up and also,you never know how your mood will be.One day,I can be up and feeling good,while the next day,I can be down and feeling not so good.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It doesn't make my struggles with BPD any easier.I also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.The only thing that I can continue to do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding on to the hope that someday soon my recovery will start improving.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I fell late last night when I masturbated.It really made me feel miserable when I gave into that temptation.I was down and feeling like I failed in my healing from this unwanted SSA.I also was afraid to share this latest fall here on my blog because I was afraid of any negative comments that I might get.Still,I felt miserable and I felt like that I was too far gone.But I am still in the fight.I am going to continue fighting this dreadful SSA and face it head on.In the wee early morning hours,I also was awakened by a throbbing erection and again,I was tempted to masturbate it away.This time,since I had to use the bathroom,I got up and headed for the bathroom and the erection died down.I didn't want to fall two consecutive times,so I headed for the bathroom and the walk to the bathroom did me good.Again,despite the fall,I am still in the fight and I am not giving up.I am going to continue this fight and and I am going to work on my strength and try to stay strong despite the fall and despite the opposition.Though I fell late last night,I am not going to let it be a burden on me as that is what Satan and his minions would want.It also helps motivate me to keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.I still get tempted to go out and seek a male partner for the purpose of acting out with him,but I don't go out to do that and I choose to stay home.I still need to keep what I said above in mind in regards to acting out.Though I am still using advice from a follower,I am still open to any more advice or suggestions.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.I have nothing else planned for tomorrow,but whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though it is still a very rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things to do today and I wanted to get them done.
I first had to go to a friend of the family's house to drop something off.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up something that was needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading for the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,but it is still a very rocky road.It is never easy when you have BPD and you have to put up with the constant and continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be one day or another.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.Sometimes,it can happen on a single day when I can be up and feeling good one minute and then the next minute,down and not so good.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It really makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.I will continue to attend my therapy sessions and also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.Though tempted,this particular episode didn't last very long as the erection died down while I was getting up to use the bathroom as the erection died down while on the way there.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continue to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural sexual desires connected with SSA can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Most of the time,I am usually tempted to masturbate erections away,but I also get tempted in other ways.I get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I stay home when that temptation arises.I also get tempted to fantasize about having sexual activity with other men,but I try to clear my head,change my frame of mind and do something else.Most of my temptation to indulge in masturbation has emotional roots.The emotional roots factor here is that when I am erect,I have the temptation to masturbate it away as that was my old way of coping with that.But now,my priorities have changed and I have to seek other ways to have these erections die down in a healthy way.In this fight to resist these temptations,I have to continually keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give me what I truly need and also want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me even further away from getting my same sex needs fulfilled in healthy ways as anything sexual will leave me feeling empty and yearning for even more of that.I truly yearn to relate,identify and connect with members of my own gender in a healthy and authentic way that will lead me to be the man that I want to be and even the man that God intends me to be.Regarding the resistance to masturbate or acting out in other ways,I did receive some advice and though I am applying the advice and trying to remain strong,I am still open to any more advice and/or suggestions.Anything is always appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend and I also will have lunch at a local kitchen after the group is over.Aside from these things,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that the benefits that it gives me are positive.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it is still a rocky one at that.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual two cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I only had a couple of things on my agenda today.I first had to go to the bank to get some money out for my mom.After going home and registering the bills,I went back out to go to a local card store to pick up several Mother's Day cards.After paying for those,I headed over to a nearby store to pick up some postage stamps.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work and some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,it is still a rocky road that I am on and it is usually a very difficult one.I am dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the up and down emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on always makes it difficult.On certain days,I can be up and feeling good,but on other days,I can be down and feeling bad.Sometimes,it happens on the same day.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good much of the time.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals in the morning.With the first erection,I had to get up and go to the bathroom as I had to use it.On the way to the bathroom,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep.With the second,I had to get up again and simply walk back and forth around the room until the erection died down and again,I simply went back to sleep.I was also tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbating.The struggle with SSA is difficult enough,but the temptation to indulge in masturbation makes it even more difficult.In the case of anyone who struggles with SSA,masturbation only reinforces the Homosexual identity and doesn't fulfill any of the same sex emotional needs that are needed to make them feel like who they are gender wise.The needs need to be fulfilled authentically and in the right appropriate way in the form of same sex friendships and close,healthy and authentic relationships with those of their gender.Men needing to have close friendships with other men and women having close friendships with other women.The act of acting out on the unnatural sexual desires connected with Homosexuality/SSA will never fulfill any of the needs that are needed to be fulfilled in a healthy authentic manner.Acting out in any way,shape or form will never give people who struggle with SSA what they really and truly need and want.I always have to keep that in mind continually.I still get tempted to seek out a male partner for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't go out to do that.I simply stay home and try to think of positive healthy ideals of my fellow man rather than feed the unnatural sexual desires of Homosexuality/SSA.I am still working on trying to stay strong in my resistance to acting out on these unnatural sexual desires and I still need even more strength to resist those temptations.Though I have received advice from a fellow blog follower and I am putting it to use,I am still open to any new ideas,advice and/or suggestions.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues going forward,though it is still a rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I wok up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual breakfast and coffee and after that,I did my personal PC work.Afterwards,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I first went to my usual Monday afternoon group.I had to attend this group as I needed to gain an awful lot out of it.I went there with a lot of positive anticipation and hope.
The group went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work alongside some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery isn't an easy one.Day after day,I have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride of BPD.It is always a very difficult thing to put up with.Yesterday,as I was folding my laundry,I got hit with a spell of depression and also,the left side of my head started to hurt.After finishing,I went home to take something for that headache and I laid down for a while.Within an hour,I felt better and had my dinner.I was still feeling depressed,but it soon passed.Aside from that emotional roller coaster ride,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggles and endurance even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I am still going to continue attending my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am still hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate when I was awakened twice by morning erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.The temptation was really overwhelming as both of these erections were throbbing ones indeed.At both times,I had to get up as tossing and turning wasn't working.I simply took a walk to the bathroom on both occasions and the erections softened when I arrived there.I had to go use the bathroom on both these intervals and it did help to kill the temptation.I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped these episodes,I know that the temptation to act out in any way shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually keep in mind that it will and at times,I have to figure out ways to fight the temptation.Right now,I get tempted to masturbate whenever I get an early morning erection.But I also get tempted in other ways as well.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners for the purpose of having sexual activity with them,but I don't give into that as that will never give me what I truly need and want.I simply stay home when that temptation starts to happen.I have to keep in mind that having sexual activity with other men will never give me what I need or want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with the affirmation.Acting out on these unnatural SSA desires in any way,shape or form will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and keep me even farther away from what I truly need and want.My needs need to be filled authentically as my needs are not sexual as the needs are really deep and the sexual desires,though unnatural,are from not getting those need met authentically as I never got what I needed and wanted from my father because I never received my father's love nor his affirmation of my male identity at all.All I ever got was his physical and emotional abuse and not what he was supposed to do.All he cared about was his agenda,forcing it on me when I was still a child and not caring about me nor loving me like he was supposed to do.My father was very legalistic in his approach.Again,I did escape those temptations and I am glad.Still,though I did get a word of advice from a follower,I am still open to anything else from any more people.Thanks in advance for anything.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though still a rocky road.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed up in a suit to head over to the church for the morning study class and the worship service afterwards.As usual,I look forward to attending each Sunday as I am always looking forward to worshiping with my fellow church brothers and sisters.
Both the study class and the worship service were wonderful as I got a lot out of them both.After some fellowship,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a small yard sale and bought several record albums.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I also did my personal PC work after that.
After my PC work was done,I got all of my dirty clothes ready to go to the laundromat to get them clean.It took me a few minutes,but I got them all packed and I headed for the laundromat.
On the way,I stopped at a local pizzeria to pick up a few pizza slices for lunch.After that,I stopped at a local 7-Eleven to pick up a small bottle of cold milk.After paying for it,I headed straight for the laundromat.
When I got to the laundromat,I immediately found a washer to put my dirty underwear in and I also put some color clothes in a separate washer.I them waited for a while for them to get clean.
After they were washed,I popped all of the clothes in a few dryers to get dried up.After that was done,I folded everything up and bagged it.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I sorted out all of my laundry and I relaxed for a while after doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work and some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery continues despite being on a rocky road.Each and every day,I am putting up with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that I am always on.I don't know when I will be up or when I will be down.I just can't predict ahead of time how my mood will be.One day,I can be up and feeling good,but the next day,I can be down and feeling not so good.It is an endless up and down cycle.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am also taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my recovery will start improving in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate when I was awakened by morning erections as two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.They were both throbbing ones.I really had to fight the temptation to masturbate these erections away.With the first erection,I simply got up to use the bathroom as I had to get up and use it anyway at that time.After that,I simply went back to sleep.With the second one,I had to get up for church anyway,so I simply went to the bathroom to not only use it but also to put bath water in to clean up for church.Though I escaped these two episodes,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out by masturbating can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually keep fighting this temptation and also,I am still fighting to resist other temptations,such as the temptation to seek other men out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them or the temptation to fantasize with other men alongside the temptation to masturbate to these or whenever an erection happens.Though I am putting a little word of advice shared with me to practice,I am still open to any more advice or suggestions as to how I can continually resist any temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
Tomorrow,I have an online recovery resources groups that I need to attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ