Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it is still a rocky one at that.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual two cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I only had a couple of things on my agenda today.I first had to go to the bank to get some money out for my mom.After going home and registering the bills,I went back out to go to a local card store to pick up several Mother's Day cards.After paying for those,I headed over to a nearby store to pick up some postage stamps.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work and some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,it is still a rocky road that I am on and it is usually a very difficult one.I am dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the up and down emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on always makes it difficult.On certain days,I can be up and feeling good,but on other days,I can be down and feeling bad.Sometimes,it happens on the same day.Aside from the BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that someday soon my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good much of the time.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals in the morning.With the first erection,I had to get up and go to the bathroom as I had to use it.On the way to the bathroom,the erection died down and I simply went back to sleep.With the second,I had to get up again and simply walk back and forth around the room until the erection died down and again,I simply went back to sleep.I was also tempted to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbating.The struggle with SSA is difficult enough,but the temptation to indulge in masturbation makes it even more difficult.In the case of anyone who struggles with SSA,masturbation only reinforces the Homosexual identity and doesn't fulfill any of the same sex emotional needs that are needed to make them feel like who they are gender wise.The needs need to be fulfilled authentically and in the right appropriate way in the form of same sex friendships and close,healthy and authentic relationships with those of their gender.Men needing to have close friendships with other men and women having close friendships with other women.The act of acting out on the unnatural sexual desires connected with Homosexuality/SSA will never fulfill any of the needs that are needed to be fulfilled in a healthy authentic manner.Acting out in any way,shape or form will never give people who struggle with SSA what they really and truly need and want.I always have to keep that in mind continually.I still get tempted to seek out a male partner for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't go out to do that.I simply stay home and try to think of positive healthy ideals of my fellow man rather than feed the unnatural sexual desires of Homosexuality/SSA.I am still working on trying to stay strong in my resistance to acting out on these unnatural sexual desires and I still need even more strength to resist those temptations.Though I have received advice from a fellow blog follower and I am putting it to use,I am still open to any new ideas,advice and/or suggestions.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ