Tonight,my road to recovery soldiers onward,though the road still remains rocky.I had a pretty god day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things to do in the early afternoon and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to a local bargain closeout outlet store to pick up a couple of things.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while before getting ready for my appointment with the pastor at the church.I was having high hopes for this and I was hoping that it would go well.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and eagerly awaited dinner.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work and some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues moving forward,but the road is still a rocky and rough one at that.It is never easy dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that it continually has on a day to day basis.I never can know how my mood will be on certain days and how it will be before the day ends.On some days,I can be up and feeling good while on other days,down and not so good.Sometimes,it happens all in the same day.I can be up and feeling good most of the day,but then I could feel down before the day ends.It is a very difficult emotional roller coaster.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that even makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that my road to recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating when I was awakened in the wee early morning hours by three consecutive erections.They were all throbbing erection as well.I had to really work on all three of these to resist the temptation to masturbate these away because that was my old way of ridding myself from these by masturbation.For the first two erections,I had to get up and do some walking.The first time was when I headed for the bathroom as I had to use it anyway and after that,the erection died down.The second one was simply to get up and walk a little until the erection died down.On both of these occasions,I simply went back to sleep.On the third one,I had to get up anyway and as soon as I started moving,the erection died down.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking male partners out for the purpose of acting out with them sexually,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I still do get the temptation to go out and seek male partners out for the purpose of acting out sexually with them,but I don't give into that temptation as I choose to stay home instead of deliberately choosing to go indulging in anything sinful.I also have to keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used in the way that the world around us is using it.Plus,I have to continually keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want and will only leave me feeling empty in the end.I am looking for affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I am also looking for real male friends that I can confide and trust in as well as relate,identify and connect with in a healthy authentic way.I am not looking for male sexual partners.I am looking for real male friends.I just want to be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.Again,I don't anything sexual with any man or men in general.I am just looking to be accepted and belong to the world of men as I am a man myself.Regarding the resistance to acting out,I am applying some advice that was given to me by a blog follower,but I am still open to any suggestions or advice on how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape of form.Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions.
As for the weekend,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ