Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things planned for today and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to my mandatory spirituality group.I was looking forward to this with a lot of enthusiasm and positive anticipation as I always do.I was hoping to get a lot out of it and hope to use what I got out of it in my daily life.
The group was wonderful.After leaving,I went to a local community kitchen for lunch and after lunch,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up something.After paying for that,I stopped at the post office to mail out some Mother's Day cards.After they were in the mailbox,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a movie in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work and some recommended Holy Bible reading.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward despite a rocky road.Then again,when you are dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD,you never know what is up and also,you never know how your mood will be.One day,I can be up and feeling good,while the next day,I can be down and feeling not so good.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.Aside from BPD,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It doesn't make my struggles with BPD any easier.I also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier,either.The only thing that I can continue to do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding on to the hope that someday soon my recovery will start improving.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I fell late last night when I masturbated.It really made me feel miserable when I gave into that temptation.I was down and feeling like I failed in my healing from this unwanted SSA.I also was afraid to share this latest fall here on my blog because I was afraid of any negative comments that I might get.Still,I felt miserable and I felt like that I was too far gone.But I am still in the fight.I am going to continue fighting this dreadful SSA and face it head on.In the wee early morning hours,I also was awakened by a throbbing erection and again,I was tempted to masturbate it away.This time,since I had to use the bathroom,I got up and headed for the bathroom and the erection died down.I didn't want to fall two consecutive times,so I headed for the bathroom and the walk to the bathroom did me good.Again,despite the fall,I am still in the fight and I am not giving up.I am going to continue this fight and and I am going to work on my strength and try to stay strong despite the fall and despite the opposition.Though I fell late last night,I am not going to let it be a burden on me as that is what Satan and his minions would want.It also helps motivate me to keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want and need,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.I still get tempted to go out and seek a male partner for the purpose of acting out with him,but I don't go out to do that and I choose to stay home.I still need to keep what I said above in mind in regards to acting out.Though I am still using advice from a follower,I am still open to any more advice or suggestions.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.I have nothing else planned for tomorrow,but whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ