Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up later than I wanted to and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I relaxed for much of the day before I started to do what I felt that I had to do.
Today was another cold day and it also snowed again last night while sleeping.I couldn't let this stop me from doing what needed to be done.
I only had one thing to do.I had to go to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home and stayed home for the remainder of the day.
When I got home,I just relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I had no place else to go nor any thing else to do as a result of the weather.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best today.I just didn't have any craving nor any temptation to act out.I didn't even try to manipulate my genitals for the sake of getting them hard or near hard for masturbatory purposes.I just didn't have anything like that today.I am just hoping that this lasts a while.I don't want to act out in way,shape or form.Though minimal if nil at best today,I know that the craving and the temptation to act out will come back when least expected.I will have to stay on guard when that happens.I hope that I do have enough strength to resist and fight that temptation and urge when it does indeed come back.I also still have to keep in mind all the things that I have to keep in mind when it comes to men,sex and everything else that is right in the eyes of God.
Tomorrow,I am looking forward to attending the morning's church service.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a few things on my agenda and I wanted to get them done.
I had only a few things planned.I also wanted to make sure that I stayed close to home as a result of yet another blast of Winter weather has come upon us.Since very early this morning,we have been under a Winter Weather Advisory that will stay in effect until 7:00pm tonight and not only that,we are also under a Wind Advisory until 4:00pm this afternoon.It did feel cold this morning when I went into my computer room to turn on my electric space heater to warm the room up a bit.It still felt cold after I went in there to do my personal PC work,but after several minutes,it did get a little warmer.I simply finished off my work for the morning and after it was finished,I closed off the internet and got ready to get on with the rest of the day,with the exception of having to go to the local Burger king to pick up dinner for both me and my mom,but I did stay home for the rest of the evening afterwards.
Firstly,I went to the post office to get a money order so I could mail out an important bill to get paid and after that,I headed over to a couple of local stores to pick up a few things that were needed for the house.After that,I headed over to a nearby gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the nasty Winter weather that we had today.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I will start feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I gave into temptation late last night by masturbating and it was emotional.I did feel bad afterwards.This morning,I awoke with an erection and my temptation to act out by masturbating again was really high.I know and understand that erections will happen when least expected and it is not that I wish that I wouldn't get them,but when I do get an erection,my temptation to act out by masturbating it away gets really strong.I simply tossed and turned around until my penis got soft again.I slept for several hours until the alarm went off to wake me up.My temptation to act out is not as strong as it was this morning,but it is still there.I just have to keep fighting this temptation and urge to masturbate continuously.I know that I must stay strong.I also know that I have keep telling myself that my desires don't own me as I own them.I have to keep saying that my desires have no hold on me as I have a hold on them.I am still learning on a daily basis that the fight to overcome SSA is not a very easy one.It is a very difficult fight,but it can be won.I just have to keep fighting the desires and fighting the urge to act out on them in any way,shape or form.I am still open to anything regarding this.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had quite a bit planned.
I had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.The group is a study on scriptures of the Holy Bible.We study the scriptures and we discuss what we are studying.It is a wonderful group that we have.I really enjoy it and I do get a lot out of it.
The group was wonderful as always.As stated,I did get a lot out of this and the atmosphere was very positive.After leaving the group,I headed over to a community kitchen in the area to have my lunch.After having lunch,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was actually tempted early this morning upon awakening.I really felt the urge to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.It was both emotional and sexual.Fortunately,I stopped myself and though I still felt a little miserable,I was happy that it didn't go into a full scale masturbatory thing,which is where it could have gone to if I didn't have the strength to stop myself.After that,I simply went on with the rest of the morning.Though I haven't gone out to look for any male partners for the purpose of acting out since I started the healing process,I still get the temptation and the craving to do that at times.The thing is that I don't do that because acting out in any way will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need.Still,there are times when it does come to mind and when it happens,I still have to keep in mind that acting out is a choice and not an inevitability.I also still have to keep in mind that all men are brothers in a spiritual and Christian sense and not possible would be sexual partners as God never intended for men to have those types of relations or activity with each other at all.I have to keep telling myself that I am a male and that I am a member of the male sex.I also have to keep telling myself that since I am a male and a member of the male sex,that is all that I am and that is the only thing about me that I accept,though it wasn't and still isn't a very easy thing for me to do.I was also born and made a male for a reason.Not only that,I have to keep reminding myself that my body is biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female.It is never easy to keep reminding myself of these things,but I do it all the time and I also still keep reminding myself about all of these things.Again,it is never easy to to do that,but if you do keep it up,the cravings and temptations to act out will go away,but they will still come back when they are least expected to come back.This means that I still have to be on guard and fight whenever they do.I will still fight and now knowing the truth,I would rather fight than compromise,even though it isn't an easy thing to do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues slow,but sure.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and also,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had a lot planned for the day.
The biggest thing on my agenda for the day was that I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor today.Today's meeting was a rescheduling of a previous session that I was hoping to attend several days before Christmas,but was canceled due to an emergency that happened at the clinic and my appointment had to be rescheduled.I was going there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.The counselor and I talked for a long time and it was just terrific to get all of what I wanted to get off of my mind by talking about it.I left with a smile on my face and I looked forward to my next meeting with her and I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a couple of video stores to see if they had a certain movie that I was looking for in stock,which they didn't.After that,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues on a slow path after what has happened in the last several days,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to go positively again in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.As last night was winding down,my temptation to act out was very strong and overwhelming.But I fought it off,though admittedly,it wasn't easy to fight it off.I had the temptation to masturbate that was unbelievable.I was also manipulating my genitals for that sake,but stopped doing that when I realized that this was wrong for me to do.But today,it was minimal if nil at best.Still,I need to keep on guard as to when the temptation to act out in that way happens again.I need to be strong and be willing to fight off any cravings or temptations to act out in this way.I have gotten some good advice from the online support groups that I am a member of and that is great.I am going to try and apply this advice in the near and distant future.I am hoping that it will work.Thanks also to those who have been watching my blog for all the advice given as well.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though it was an hour later than I was hoping,and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I had only one thing on my agenda today.I had to go to the local city hall to pay the water bill.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I took it easy for a while.I also did a little bit more personal PC work.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out today was pretty strong.I was actually tempted to act out early this morning while trying to wake up and get up by masturbating.Yes,it was pretty strong.I really don't know how I did it,but I managed to resist the temptation to act out by masturbating and just get through the day.I don't know what it was that helped me,but whatever it was,I hope that it works again.When I finally did get up,I took my bath and went through the day.I am hoping that I will still continue to have the strength to resist the temptation to act out by masturbating in the near and distant future.I have appreciated some of the advice and suggestions given and I am trying to put them to good use.Thanks to all of you for your help and keep the help coming.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to get a little bit better.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.I had a lot planned for the day and I wanted to get cleaned up and make sure that I was on the ball.After the bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I did have a lot to do.I had to attend an early afternoon group at the local hospital,which was a mandatory meeting that I had to attend in order to keep my case at the hospital open and to ensure that I get my medication subscriptions when I have to see the nurse practitioner there.I cooperated and went there.Before the meeting,I stopped at the hospital cafe to have lunch while there was still time for me to eat.After lunch,I headed over to the waiting room to wait to get called in.
The meeting went well.After the meeting,I headed over to the work skills group meeting that I usually attend every Monday afternoon,which also went well.After that meeting,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw a small amount of money from my account.After that,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to get a little bit better,I am still dealing and struggling,on a one day at a time basis,with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,my temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.I didn't have any temptation to act out at all today,which was good.I did get yet another erection this morning and while the temptation to masturbate it away was overwhelming,I resisted the temptation to do that by simply tossing and turning constantly until my penis softened.When it did,I fell back asleep and woke up an hour and a half later.I know that I will get erections when least expected,but I do have a problem with erectile dysfunction and I know that my problem with it is strictly emotional.I don't get morning erections all the time,but I do get them when least expected.When I do get one,I simply toss and turn until my penis softens as I know that when this happens,my temptation to masturbate it away does get overwhelming and strong.I simply try to fight that temptation by simply tossing and turning until it softens.Even when I am not erect,I still get the temptation to masturbate when least expected.On those occasions,I manipulate my genitals in order to achieve an erection or near erection and then masturbate away.Most of the time it is emotional,but there are times when it is sexual and there are other times when it is both emotional and sexual.Today,my temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best and while that was good,I still have to keep on guard when the temptation to act out does get really strong and overwhelming.I have gotten some really wonderful advice from a regular reader and I am going to try and put this into practice in the near future and hope for the best.I know that I still have to take this one day at a time,but I am willing to continue fighting this.I also have to have the mentality that I can't let nothing stop me from this and that I must keep persevering.Thanks to all of you for all the help given.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues a bit better than the last few days.I had a very wonderful and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning,though a little over an hour later than I was hoping to,and bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and headed over to the church for the morning worship service.I was looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm and positive anticipation as I always do each and every week when Sunday comes around.
It was another wonderful service as always.I also attended the early morning bible study class as well and that also was wonderful.I had some really wonderful fellowship with all of the people after the worship service and I left for home with a smile on my face and some really good optimism for the rest of the day.I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local video store to see if they had a particular movie in stock,which they didn't.I headed straight home afterwards.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a sweatsuit.I did my personal PC work after changing clothes and after that,I decided to go out for a while and run a couple of errands that needed to be run.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After that,I headed over to another local video store to see if they had the particular movie that I was looking for in stock,which they also didn't have.I headed straight home afterwards and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a movie that I popped into my DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very wonderful and eventful day.Then again,going to church always makes the day eventful in itself and also makes the day worthwhile in more ways than one.
Though my recovery is a little bit better than it has been the last few days,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.I am hoping that my recovery continues to improve.
Regarding my SSA struggles,as of now,my temptation to act out on the desires is minimal if nil at best.I really don't have the temptation to act out at the moment and I am greatful that somebody who has been watching my blog has given me some helpful advice and I will give it a try.I guess that I really need to take this to God's attention as I,as a result of depression,have been trying in vain to do it by myself and have been failing miserably.Again,I will give it a try.Still,I need to keep on guard as the temptation to act out will come back when least expected and I must prepare for when that happens.It is a really difficult journey out of Homosexuality,but if I keep going in it,I will be successful.I just have to keep focusing on God and turn this weakness over to him and ask him to help me in controlling the emotional stuff that makes me want to masturbate or manipulate my genitals to hardness or near hardness for that purpose.Thanks to that friend and blog watcher for that wonderful advice.
Tomorrow,I have a group meeting at the local hospital that I must attend.I also have a group after that and I will be attending that as well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ