Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had quite a bit planned.
I had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.The group is a study on scriptures of the Holy Bible.We study the scriptures and we discuss what we are studying.It is a wonderful group that we have.I really enjoy it and I do get a lot out of it.
The group was wonderful as always.As stated,I did get a lot out of this and the atmosphere was very positive.After leaving the group,I headed over to a community kitchen in the area to have my lunch.After having lunch,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was actually tempted early this morning upon awakening.I really felt the urge to manipulate my genitals to get them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation.It was both emotional and sexual.Fortunately,I stopped myself and though I still felt a little miserable,I was happy that it didn't go into a full scale masturbatory thing,which is where it could have gone to if I didn't have the strength to stop myself.After that,I simply went on with the rest of the morning.Though I haven't gone out to look for any male partners for the purpose of acting out since I started the healing process,I still get the temptation and the craving to do that at times.The thing is that I don't do that because acting out in any way will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need.Still,there are times when it does come to mind and when it happens,I still have to keep in mind that acting out is a choice and not an inevitability.I also still have to keep in mind that all men are brothers in a spiritual and Christian sense and not possible would be sexual partners as God never intended for men to have those types of relations or activity with each other at all.I have to keep telling myself that I am a male and that I am a member of the male sex.I also have to keep telling myself that since I am a male and a member of the male sex,that is all that I am and that is the only thing about me that I accept,though it wasn't and still isn't a very easy thing for me to do.I was also born and made a male for a reason.Not only that,I have to keep reminding myself that my body is biologically hard-wired to be compatible with a female.It is never easy to keep reminding myself of these things,but I do it all the time and I also still keep reminding myself about all of these things.Again,it is never easy to to do that,but if you do keep it up,the cravings and temptations to act out will go away,but they will still come back when they are least expected to come back.This means that I still have to be on guard and fight whenever they do.I will still fight and now knowing the truth,I would rather fight than compromise,even though it isn't an easy thing to do.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ