Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I only had a few things on my agenda today.First,I went to a local hair place to get my hair cut.It really needed it.After getting my hair cut,I went to one of the supermarkets to pick up a couple of small frozen pizzas.After paying for those pizzas,I headed over to a friends house to see how he was doing.After spending a few minutes with him,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had no place else to go nor any thing else to do.
When I got home,I simply popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when trying to sleep.I masturbated to a disgusting and degrading sexual fantasy that was clouding my mind,but there was also an emotional factor involved as I also gave into the craving of manipulating my genitals to get hard or near hard for that purpose.Yes,I gave into the temptation by masturbating until climax.I really felt miserable after that,but I fell asleep and when I woke up this morning,I did feel a little bit better as the temptation to act was minimal if nil at best.I didn't have the temptation to act out all day since late last night.I did feel miserable last night after the masturbation episode and I wished that I didn't go there.But I know that it did and since you can't change what is in the past,the only thing to do is move on and forget about it.Though I did give in,I still have to keep in mind that masturbation won't give me what I want.It only fuels the fantasies and doesn't do anything in regards to reconnecting what is lost even when it was never received.Many men with SSA masturbate to try and reconnect with their lost maleness,as Dr.Joseph Nicolosi said in his book Healing Homosexuality:Case Stories of Reparative Therapy.The problem is that masturbation will never make me reconnect with my lost maleness in any way,shape or form.Masturbation will only continue to refuel sexual fantasies and also,to keep reinstating the Homosexual identity,which is something that I am trying to overcome.The only thing that I want to be affirmed is my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with the gender identity affirmation.The only way that I will even get this affirmation is by positive same sex relationships in the forms of friendships,closeness,male bonding and positive and authentic connections with other members of my own gender.I don't want anything sexual with any man at all.I just want to make more male friends.I want them to affirm me as a man.I also want to relate,identify and positively connect with other men.I don't want anything sexual at all.Sex with men will only reinforce the Homosexual identity as I don't want to be a Homosexual anymore.I want to be the man that not only I want to be,but the man that God wants me to be,which is a healthy,happy and well adjusted Heterosexual.I am still yearning and hoping to reach that.Regarding temptation,if anyone out there can help me with any suggestions or advice,please do so.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I will be attending the morning's church service and I am looking forward to that.For the rest of the day,no plans as of yet,but I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after I was finished with that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.I had some stuff planned and I wanted to get them done as we had a rain storm warning in effect.
I headed out to the Best Buy in the next county to specially order a couple of DVD sets.After that was done,I headed back home
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart again to buy something else.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that I continue feeling better in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,my temptation to act out today was minimal if nil at best.Admittedly,late last night,my temptation to act out on the desires was strong.I had to stop myself from trying to manipulate my genitals to get them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation and it was because of a same sex sexual fantasy that really clouded my mind.I had to stop myself from doing this as I had to remember that acting out in any way,shape or form will never get me what I want.I also have to keep in mind that masturbation,whether it is emotional,sexual or both,is a form of acting out without looking to find a male partner to act out with.I also have to keep in mind that watching Homosexual themed pornography is also a form of acting out without doing it for real with a male partner.Not only that,regarding pornography,I have to keep in mind that pornography is garbage.It is simply mental poison that gives people the wrong idea of sex.Sex is supposed to be a beautiful activity between two people,one man and one woman,and pornography simply makes it look like that sex is a dirty and unclean thing.when in reality,it is a beautiful thing.Plus,I also have to keep in mind that I am a male and I am biologically hard-wired to be sexually compatible with a female.I am only trying to follow the law of God in regards to this,but admittedly,I must say that it isn't an easy thing to do.I also have accepted the fact that I am a male and that I am a male for a reason as God made me a male.Likewise with trying to follow the law of God,accepting my gender identity was also a very difficult thing to do and I have also embraced my gender identity at the same and that is as far as I am going.I will not accept nor embrace anything else,such as the identity of Homosexuality,which in itself,is not the right way for a man to be.Each and every man in the eyes of God is a Heterosexual man as God intended for all of us to be.Not only that,each and every woman is a Heterosexual woman in the eyes of God for that same reason.God also does not condemn the Homosexual condition,but only the sexual activity associated with Homosexuality.I have to keep all of that in mind because I won't go anywhere if I don't.Still,regarding the resistance of temptations to act out in the future,I am still seeking advice and suggestions from my regular readers and followers regarding resisting temptations to act out in the near future.If anyone can help me here,I would really greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I am planning to get my hair cut.As for the rest of the day,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up and bathed early this morning.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.I did my personal PC work and after getting dressed,I proceeded to get on with my day.
I had only a few things planned for today.I had a spirituality group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I went there and was looking forward to a wonderful meeting.
The meeting was wonderful.I got a lot out of this and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen to grab a lunch.After eating lunch,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things that I needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and watched some TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go positively,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of depression.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out in the early morning hours while still in bed.This time,the temptation wasn't as strong as it has been the last few days.I had a near morning erection and it was just a tad stiff,but stiff enough to wake me up.I once again fought the temptation by tossing and turning until my penis started to soften and I drifted back into sleep.I slept for a little over an hour before having to get up.Today,in the early morning,I was fortunate that the temptation to act out by masturbating wasn't as strong as it has been the last few days,but that temptation to act out in that way can be strong tomorrow and the day after that and so on.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one.It is a very difficult struggle.When anyone,like myself,struggles with SSA,the temptation to act out on the desires are stronger than the strength to resist the aforementioned temptation.To put it succinctly,it is easier to act out than it is to resist.But I still need to keep myself together and to continue fighting these unnatural desires and responses.Today,the temptation to act out was minimal if nil at best.But I have to keep on guard and watch myself in the near and distant future.Why?Because the temptation to act can really get stronger tomorrow or any other day and I do need to stay on guard and watch out for any cravings or desires to act out by either watching Homosexual themed porn or by masturbating whenever an early morning erection is really making the temptation strong.Regarding myself when it comes to masturbation,most of the time it's emotional,but there are times when it can be sexual and there are also times when it is both emotional and sexual.Still,masturbation in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want and that is affirmation of my gender identity nor the feelings of authenticity that comes with that gender identity affirmation.Masturbation in any way,shape or form will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and the sexual activity related to it as masturbation,in itself,is a form of acting out no matter if it's emotional,sexual or both.Again,I am still looking for any advice or suggestion on how I can continue the resistance to the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires because the way that I am currently using could fail me.I am always looking for new suggestions or advice.If anyone that reads my blog regularly can help,please share anything that you may have.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I first had to go to the eye doctor's office to get a test proof sheet stamped and signed by him so I could bring this by the Department of Motor Vehicles to get my license renewed next year.After that,I headed for the public library to print some stuff.After I was done with that,I headed straight home as there was really nothing for me to do today as a result of the cold and snowy weather we are having right now.Fortunately,the roads were pretty decent today as there were no troubles driving,but still,I was careful.
After arriving at home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and after running one errand before the evening was through,I did a little bit more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues to go well,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted again early this morning to act out by masturbating when I had another morning erection.But as usual,I tossed and I turned until the temptation died down and after my penis softened,I went back to sleep for another hour.Today,as per the rest of the day,my temptation to act out is minimal if nil at best.I really didn't have the temptation to act out after that brief moment early this morning.I even shared the experience that I had with all of the online support groups that I am a member of and the encouragement and support that I received was very overwhelming.Many replied to my post in the groups and others simply sent me a personal e-mail.Still,the outpouring of support and encouragement was very overwhelming.It did make my day to read the positive words that the members of all of the group had said in response to what I shared with them and all the positive things that they said was overwhelming and it did make me feel a little bit better.I guess that this is why my temptation to act out is minimal if nil at best.I got some very encouraging words and they really made my day.All I can say is Thank God and Thank You his only begotten son the lord Jesus Christ for that.I now know that I can talk about any problem now and I know that I will get some support and encouragement.But still,I could use some advice and suggestion on how I can fight off temptation when it rears it's ugly head in the future.Anything would be appreciated.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group in the late morning.After that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans and hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to be positive.I had a pretty good day today despite some frustration that happened to me in the early afternoon.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I simply relaxed while planning out my day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I only had a few errands to run and that kept me busy.
I was hoping to head out to the Best Buy in the next county with my Best Buy gift card that I got for Christmas,but was frustrated when I got a flat tire.This really changed my plans.I had to call AAA for assistance and had to wait over half an hour for the service person to get to me.When he did get there,he put the spare wheel on the passenger side front and I headed over to the local Goodyear to get it fixed and since I am a AAA member,I got the service for only half off.I waited for over twenty minutes,but it was done and I headed back out.
After leaving Goodyear,I headed for a local supermarket in my hometown to purchase something that was needed for the home.After doing that,I got some gas in my tank and I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day as I had nothing else to do nor any place else to go.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day despite the frustration of having that flat tire that drastically changed my plans for the day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depressions with schizophrenic tendencies continues to go positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,continuing to deal and struggle with the symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was once again tempted in the very early morning hours.I had an erection and my desire to masturbate was very overwhelming.The erection was also pretty stiff and it throbbed.I wanted to masturbate to that,but chose to once again toss and turn until the desire to masturbate died down,which it did.My penis softened and I slept for another hour.Yesterday,I shared the experience that I shared here on this blog with the online support groups that I am a member of that help men overcome Homosexuality and how to beat the temptations that come with it when least expected.They simply told me to keep on doing what I was doing and also to keep in mind to seek God and his son Jesus Christ first and make that my main goal and the rest will fall into place.I have been so desperately trying to become the Heterosexual that God intended me to be that maybe this is why I am being tempted to act out on my desires,even though acting out will never get me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.I so desperately want to receive that gender identity affirmation and I so desperately want those feelings of authenticity that go with that gender identity affirmation.The thing is that I can't let Satan the Devil get what he wants.He wants me to stay in the trap of Homosexuality and to indulge in all the sinful sexual behavior that is connected with it.But I won't let him get what he wants with me.I am going to work on accepting that I will be tempted and there is nothing wrong with that as every human being on Earth get tempted.I will also have to work on being ready when temptation rears it's ugly head on me and try to think of how I can tough it out and lastly,I have to work on continuing to resist the temptation to sin and act out by other means other than seeking male partners out to act out with,such as pornography,masturbating while watching porn or when the temptation to act out in that way with no pornography or when the desire is either emotional,sexual or both.I now realized that I have been trying too hard to be the Heterosexual man that God had intended me to be that I was losing sight of God and his purpose alongside his son Jesus Christ who also shares in that purpose.I now need to stay focused on God and his only begotten son Jesus Christ and seek them out and let everything else fall into place through them.I now understand why that this is the reason why the temptation to act out is really strong at the moment as having that morning erection was concerned.At the moment,my temptation to act out is minimal/nil at best and I really don't feel anything right now as I did early this morning.Again,I am still open to any advice or suggestions from anyone who follows my blog.Thanks in advance for any of them.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues positively.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and bathed.After my bath,I dried up and had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
My original plans were to go to Best Buy,which is in the next county,but changed my mind.I realized that it was the day after Christmas and there was going to be a lot of people out today returning and exchanging things and what not.Also,as a result of that,I knew that the traffic was going to be heavy so I chose to stay close to home today.I had only a few things to do and I got those done.
I went only to a couple of local stores to pick up a few things that were needed for the home and there wasn't too many to pick up.After paying for all of those things,I headed straight home and I stayed there for the rest of the day.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
On the subject of my struggles with SSA,I was tempted early this morning while still in bed.I had a morning erection and the temptation to masturbate was really strong.I just kept tossing and turning in bed to fight off the temptation and though it was really difficult,I actually succeeded and I fell back to sleep again as the erection died down.I did get up an hour and a half later and still really felt nothing as I got up.I don't know what I had in me to resist that temptation,but whatever it was,it worked.My temptation to act out in that way is nil at best for the rest of the day,but I know that temptation will rear it's ugly head at me again and maybe next time,the temptation to give in will be really strong.I have to keep fighting the temptation whenever it comes around and I will need some more positive reinforcement.If anyone out there who reads and follows my blog is reading this,please give me any advice or suggestions that might help me.I would really appreciate that.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Merry Christmas to all the ones who read my blog regularly and to everyone in the world.May this Christmas be the merriest and happiest for all of you and that y'all have many happy memories to cherish forever.
Tonight,my road to recovery continues to be a positive one.I had a very good and eventful day today,despite a setback.
This morning,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.I was getting ready for the morning's church service and I wanted to make sure that I was ready for it.It was the Christmas morning service and I was looking forward to it with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did half of my my usual personal PC work and got dressed up because I wanted to make sure that I got there for the morning's service and I also wanted to make sure that I got there on time.I was looking forward to this after the Christmas Eve service last night because that was a wonderful service.So,I had a smile on my face and a lot to look forward to.
The service was wonderful and I really enjoyed it.There were a lot more people in the church this morning and that even made it even more wonderful.I especially enjoyed the fellowship before and after the service.It is really terrific to be among people who worship the creator in the name of his son Jesus Christ and to just be there as a whole.I am overjoyed that I am now back in church after so long and I keep asking myself why I didn't do this a long time ago after I had abandoned that religious cult that I followed for two years of my life.I had a smile on my face that wouldn't leave me and with that smile,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got some very distressing news.I went into the house and heard my mom sigh very sadly.I asked her what was wrong and she said that she wasn't feeling well.She said that she felt hot and that he head hurt on her left side.She also complained of a backache and that her legs were also hurting.She had me call my niece so she could explain the situation to her.After a few minutes,I hung the phone up and proceeded to get out of my suit and into my casual clothes.My mom laid down and I relaxed for a while until it was time for me to go too my niece's house alone with the sweet potato casserole that my mom made for the occasion.
When I got to my nieces house,we ate dinner and had some pretty good conversations after we ate.They all understood that I couldn't stay too long as my responsibilities were at home to watch over mom and see that she was looked after.I left the house with some food and I headed straight home and that is where I stayed for the rest of the day because it was the holiday and there was nothing else to do.
When I got home,I put the food given me in the fridge and I relaxed and watched a little bit of TV.
I did some more personal PC work as the day went on.Overall,a very good and eventful day despite the negative setback of my mom falling ill and not able to make it to the dinner.Still,it was a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery from bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies continues positively,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing with the symptoms of what I struggle with mentally and emotionally.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping to continue feeling better in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,though I am still feeling pretty down because of that confrontation with a former aquaintance of mine that I had yesterday as to him asking me where I am at as per leaving the "Homosexual/Gay" lifestyle quite a while ago,my temptation is nil at the moment.I have no cravings to act out in any way.I have no cravings to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard for masturbation.I also have no urge to look at pictures of nude men or even at pornography.I guess that the feelings that I am receiving from all the positive fellowship from church is playing a role in that.I have no feelings at all at the moment and I am enjoying that.Still,despite this positive,I need to remain on guard because the temptation can come back when least expected.I need to be watchful and I need to learn to identify any triggers that may happen when least expected.Though it is nil at the moment,it can come back and I need to be watchful.If anyone out there is reading this and has anything in the form of advice or suggestions,feel free to share.I am always open to anything.Please help me fellow men out there who are reading this and who are also struggling like myself.I could use some of that right now.Please help me.Thanks to all who do.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ