Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the public library yet again to print some more important stuff.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up something that was needed for the home.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put what I had bought away and I relaxed while watching a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I must say that the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I struggle with the symptoms of BPD and that struggle is very difficult to deal with.Day in and day out,I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I will down and feeling not so good.At times,it happens on the same day.I sometimes don't know if I am coming or going.Aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier as I am trying and wanting to heal from that condition as well.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medications as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a while instead of having to be on this constant emotional roller ride that I constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals.The first one was a really stiff and throbbing one that really had me fighting to resist the temptation.I had to get up and walk until the erection softened and I went back to sleep.With the second one,which was also stiff and throbbing,I had to really toss around until the erection softened and again,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to work on staying strong and resisting these terrible temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I don't want to act out on them at all as that would be sinful.I also have to keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world around us today is using and abusing it.God had intended for all of us to be Heterosexual and not otherwise as he created man and woman for a reason.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I always choose to stay home and feed nor satisfy that temptation.I also get tempted,on a daily basis,to watch porn,but that is also a form of acting out and it is very hard for me to resist.I am again appealing to those who check my blog out regularly to please share some advice or suggestions as to how I can continually resist these terrible temptations.I am desperate here and I am seeking how I can stay strong and not give into temptations of any kind.Please help me everyone out there.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual and I am eagerly looking forward to that.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though still rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed as I had only a few things on my agenda today.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom.After that,I headed over to the public library to print an e-mail that was sent to me by someone that I have been conversing with.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things there.After paying for those things,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up one last thing.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed a bit while getting ready for my meeting with the pastor of the church.When the time to head there had come,I headed over there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After meeting with him,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a while and watched a little bit of TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues,though the road is still rough and rocky.Then again,when somebody,such as myself,struggles with BPD,it is never an easy thing.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't if I will be up and feeling good or if I will be down and feeling not so good.At times,it all happens on the same day.Aside from BPD,I have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I also have alongside BPD.It really makes my recovery even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.The only things that I can do is continue to attend my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that I will start to feel good and continue feeling good for a while rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am on constantly.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection that was also another throbbing one.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this current temptation as it was a really overwhelming one.After my last falls,I didn't want to fall again.I simply got up and took a short walk and went back to sleep after the erection died down.Though I did escape this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight to resist any temptations when they come.Aside from masturbation,I also get tempted to watch porn on a daily basis and that is another problem area of mine.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but again,I simply choose to stay home rather than go out and give into that particular temptation.The other aforementioned ones are really the most difficult ones for me as I get these temptations every day and it is never easy to resist as the lure to watch pornography is a really strong one and even the craving to masturbate is also as strong as the lure to watch pornography.Again,I get many readers to my blog,but nobody really leaves anything encouraging or helpful.Please,anyone who does visit my blog,leave anything that will encourage or help me to resist these temptations and to stay strong in my fight to resist them.Please leave a little advice and/or any suggestions that could help me.Thanks in advance for doing so.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I first went to my weekly spirituality group and I was looking forward to this.I had high hopes and positive anticipation.I headed over there and again,I was looking forward to it.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for my lunch.After lunch,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I popped a DVD in the DVD player and relaxed while watching the movie.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues onward,it is still a rough and rocky road at that.On a daily basis,I have to put up and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that I am continuously on.I don't if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.It also happens within the same day at times.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that my struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier.I will still continue with my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving and I will be feeling good for a while instead of this constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours when I masturbated an erection away.It really made me feel terrible and it also made me feel like a failure because I really want to overcome SSA and be the whole man that I want to be and the whole man that God wants me to be.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have stated before,I simply choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.I also still get tempted to watch porn day in and day out and that temptation at times can get really overwhelming,in as much the same way that the temptation to act out by masturbation can get really overwhelming.I again appeal to those who stop by my blog to check out my posts and give me some much needed advice and encouragement.People do visit and check out my posts here,but nobody ever leaves anything.Please leave something that can help me,such as advice and/or suggestions on how I can stay strong whenever any temptations to act out,no matter what form of acting out it is,rear their ugly heads when least expected.Please help me.I am really desperate here.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow afternoon,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.As for much of the day before and after,I have nothing else planned.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first headed over to a local laundromat to pick up some laundry for my mom.After paying for it,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a couple of things that were needed.After paying for them,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a few things for myself.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.After watching the DVD,I talked with a Christian counselor for a while about the temptations that have been overwhelming me as of late and sought advice as to how I can stay strong and resist the temptation to act out in many ways,shapes and forms.
After the talk,which went great,I relaxed again for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
As stated,my road to recovery continues to go forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I have BPD and the symptoms that many who have BPD have is a struggle in itself.I have to put up with emotional roller coaster rides on a continuous basis.I don't if I will be up and feeling good or if I will be down and feeling not so good.At times,it all happens on the very same day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier at all.I am going to continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,my road to recovery will take a positive turn and I will start feeling good for a long period of time and not be on this continuous emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened,at two separate intervals,with erections.They both were throbbing erections as well.I really had to fight both of these overwhelming temptations as they were really strong.With the first,I had to get up and walk for a bit and as I did,the erection softened.With the second,I simply tossed and turned and when that didn't work,I started to get up and that is when the erection died down.I went back to sleep after both of these occurrences.While I escaped these two episodes,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.This time,it was to act out by masturbating,but at other times,I do get tempted to watch porn where there are two members of the same gender indulge in sinful sexual activity with each other.I also get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have stated previously,I have chosen to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that particular temptation.The other two,masturbation and porn,are my two main problem areas as they are simply acting out on these unnatural desires without paying the price of doing it with another male partner.Acting out,no matter what form it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.The only identity that I want reinforced is the identity that I am gender wise,which is male.I am a member of the male sex and that is what I am and all I am.God intended for me and other men to be Heterosexual as that is what he supports and approves of.He doesn't approve nor support any sinful sexual activity between two members of the same gender and anything connected with it.I want to remain true to myself as a male and I refuse to accept or even acknowledge the identity that I am not supposed to have,which is Homosexual.I am a man and a male and that is all that I accept about myself,which in itself,is not an easy thing to do.Regarding temptations,I am still seeking advice and/or suggestions as to how I can continually fight and resist these temptations.Please offer anything that you may have and don't be shy.Don't just check my blog out and read what I post,but give me helpful encouragement and advice in the comments section.I yearn for that and I will repeatedly say this until those who read and check this out do share some words of encouragement and advice.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After the group,it will be lunch at a local kitchen.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,despite the road being rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first had to run an errand for my mom.I had to stop at a local supermarket to pick up a few things that my mom needed.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
As the afternoon progressed,I went to get ready for my appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.I had a lot to talk about with her as it has been several weeks since I last spoke with her.I had quite a lot on my mind and I wanted to get it out in the open.
The meeting with her went well as expected and after the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local laundromat to pick up some laundry for my mom.After paying for the laundry,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the laundry away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to move forward,the road is still a very rough and rocky one at that.As someone who suffers from BPD,I have to continually put up with the symptoms of this and also,the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I constantly on.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I will be down and not so good.At times,it all happens within the same day as I could be up one minute and down the next minute.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD,which makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a while rather than this constant and continuous emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was one again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This was also another throbbing erection as well and the temptation to masturbate it away was really overwhelming.I had to really use up all of my strength to really resist this temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but it still wouldn't soften.Suddenly,I felt that I had to use the bathroom and I got up to head for the bathroom and as I was walking there,the erection softened.After using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this particular episode,I have to continually kep in mind that the temptation act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am tempted on a daily basis to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,with the most common temptation being that I get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purposes of indulging in sinful and inappropriate sexual activity with them,but I simply and willfully choose to stay home whenever that particular temptation comes around.The other temptations that I get are to watch porn and also,to masturbate,including the temptation to manipulate my genitals for the purpose of getting them erect or near erect for the purpose of masturbation.Those latter aforementioned temptations are my main problem areas.Again,I have seen that there are people who do read and visit my blog frequently,but usually,nobody leaves a kind word or two to help me.If anyone out there stops by or regularly checks my blog here,please leave an encouraging word or two so I can keep going.Please advise me on how I can stay strong whenever temptation rears it's ugly head at me.Anything in the form of advice and/or suggestions are always appreciated and they are also welcomed.I will try to use them to the best of my strength and ability.Thanks so much in advance.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I first went to a new group called Self Esteem Improvement and I was looking forward to that.I am looking for ways to improve self esteem and I am hoping that this group can help.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I withdrew and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but the road is still rough and rocky for me.Then again,when somebody,such as myself,suffers from BPD,one can never tell how they will feel from one day to the next.I don't if I will be up or if I will be down and at times,it happens all in the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.The only things that I can do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start to improve and I will feel good for a while instead of enduring this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection that was also another throbbing one.After giving into this terrible and unclean habit twice yesterday,I didn't want to give into this again today.I fought like crazy to resist this current temptation to act out on the unnatural desires that I have as this was a very overwhelming one.With a couple of minutes,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what for it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I get tempted to act out on a daily basis,with the most common temptation being that I am tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I always choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that particular temptation.I also get tempted to watch porn and that is one of my main problem areas alongside masturbation.The temptation to watch online porn can be overwhelming and the lure of porn can be very strong.Though I do close off the internet and leave the computer in order to kill off that temptation,it sometimes doesn't and the temptation gets stronger.I really don't want to watch porn,by these unnatural desires that I have want me to do that.I will just have to keep fighting these temptations one day at a time or when they start to happen.Again,if anyone out there is reading what I am posting here,please offer me some help in the form of advice and/or suggestions as to how I can stay strong when these temptations come around.Please help me as I am really desperate here.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the meeting goes well.As for the much and the rest of the day,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for the church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with all of the people,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I quickly got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I had a quick light lunch and after eating,I did my personal PC work.
After my personal PC work was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery does continue onward,but the road still remains rough and rocky at the moment.Then again,when somebody,such as myself,struggles with BPD and the symptoms of this,it is never an easy thing to struggle with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.It also happens on the same day at times.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I still continue to attend my therapy sessions and I still continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a long time rather than this continuous emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I admit that I am feeling really crummy at the moment as I gave into temptation twice by masturbating.The first occurrence was late last night and the next occurrence happened in the wee early morning hours.On both occasions,I really felt miserable and for a while,I felt these feelings.But as the day wore on,I did start feeling better and wasn't sad about both of these falls anymore.The thing is that I did sin in the eyes of God by acting out in the form of masturbation twice and it was very heartbreaking,but again,as the day went on,I didn't feel so bad after that.Fellow men,who read this blog of mine,please share with me any form of advice and/or suggestions as to what has worked for you,why it worked and how it worked.Please share.I want to gain more strength to resist the temptation to act out in other ways aside from going out to seek out other men for teh purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I do get that latter temptation on a day to day basis,but I simply and willfully chose to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that temptation.If anyone out there can help me by giving me any encouragement,advice or suggestions,please do.I see that people are reading and checking out the posts,but usually,nothing is left in the comments section.I am eager and desperate to break free from these practices and I also want to break free from this SSA trap.I know that relief doesn't happen in one night,week,month or year,but I really want to stay free and not be enslaved to anything sinful.If anyone out there reading this can help me.please do so.Thanks in advance for anything provided.
Tomorrow,I have a self esteem improvement group that I need to attend,Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ