Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I quickly got dressed up in a suit and I headed for the church for the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with all of the people,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I quickly got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I had a quick light lunch and after eating,I did my personal PC work.
After my personal PC work was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery does continue onward,but the road still remains rough and rocky at the moment.Then again,when somebody,such as myself,struggles with BPD and the symptoms of this,it is never an easy thing to struggle with.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.It also happens on the same day at times.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.I still continue to attend my therapy sessions and I still continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a long time rather than this continuous emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I admit that I am feeling really crummy at the moment as I gave into temptation twice by masturbating.The first occurrence was late last night and the next occurrence happened in the wee early morning hours.On both occasions,I really felt miserable and for a while,I felt these feelings.But as the day wore on,I did start feeling better and wasn't sad about both of these falls anymore.The thing is that I did sin in the eyes of God by acting out in the form of masturbation twice and it was very heartbreaking,but again,as the day went on,I didn't feel so bad after that.Fellow men,who read this blog of mine,please share with me any form of advice and/or suggestions as to what has worked for you,why it worked and how it worked.Please share.I want to gain more strength to resist the temptation to act out in other ways aside from going out to seek out other men for teh purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I do get that latter temptation on a day to day basis,but I simply and willfully chose to stay home rather than feed or satisfy that temptation.If anyone out there can help me by giving me any encouragement,advice or suggestions,please do.I see that people are reading and checking out the posts,but usually,nothing is left in the comments section.I am eager and desperate to break free from these practices and I also want to break free from this SSA trap.I know that relief doesn't happen in one night,week,month or year,but I really want to stay free and not be enslaved to anything sinful.If anyone out there reading this can help me.please do so.Thanks in advance for anything provided.
Tomorrow,I have a self esteem improvement group that I need to attend,Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ