Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.I first went to a new group called Self Esteem Improvement and I was looking forward to that.I am looking for ways to improve self esteem and I am hoping that this group can help.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I withdrew and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues onward,but the road is still rough and rocky for me.Then again,when somebody,such as myself,suffers from BPD,one can never tell how they will feel from one day to the next.I don't if I will be up or if I will be down and at times,it happens all in the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier.The only things that I can do is to continue my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start to improve and I will feel good for a while instead of enduring this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection that was also another throbbing one.After giving into this terrible and unclean habit twice yesterday,I didn't want to give into this again today.I fought like crazy to resist this current temptation to act out on the unnatural desires that I have as this was a very overwhelming one.With a couple of minutes,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what for it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I get tempted to act out on a daily basis,with the most common temptation being that I am tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I always choose to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that particular temptation.I also get tempted to watch porn and that is one of my main problem areas alongside masturbation.The temptation to watch online porn can be overwhelming and the lure of porn can be very strong.Though I do close off the internet and leave the computer in order to kill off that temptation,it sometimes doesn't and the temptation gets stronger.I really don't want to watch porn,by these unnatural desires that I have want me to do that.I will just have to keep fighting these temptations one day at a time or when they start to happen.Again,if anyone out there is reading what I am posting here,please offer me some help in the form of advice and/or suggestions as to how I can stay strong when these temptations come around.Please help me as I am really desperate here.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor and I am hoping that the meeting goes well.As for the much and the rest of the day,I haven't made any plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ