Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the late morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the public library yet again to print some more important stuff.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up something that was needed for the home.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put what I had bought away and I relaxed while watching a DVD.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I must say that the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I struggle with the symptoms of BPD and that struggle is very difficult to deal with.Day in and day out,I have to put up with the continuous emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I will down and feeling not so good.At times,it happens on the same day.I sometimes don't know if I am coming or going.Aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes my struggles with BPD even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier as I am trying and wanting to heal from that condition as well.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medications as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving and I will feel good for a while instead of having to be on this constant emotional roller ride that I constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by morning erections at two separate intervals.The first one was a really stiff and throbbing one that really had me fighting to resist the temptation.I had to get up and walk until the erection softened and I went back to sleep.With the second one,which was also stiff and throbbing,I had to really toss around until the erection softened and again,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this double whammy,I still have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to work on staying strong and resisting these terrible temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I don't want to act out on them at all as that would be sinful.I also have to keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that the world around us today is using and abusing it.God had intended for all of us to be Heterosexual and not otherwise as he created man and woman for a reason.I still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I always choose to stay home and feed nor satisfy that temptation.I also get tempted,on a daily basis,to watch porn,but that is also a form of acting out and it is very hard for me to resist.I am again appealing to those who check my blog out regularly to please share some advice or suggestions as to how I can continually resist these terrible temptations.I am desperate here and I am seeking how I can stay strong and not give into temptations of any kind.Please help me everyone out there.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual and I am eagerly looking forward to that.As for the rest of the day,I have made no other plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ