Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in just a dress shirt,tie and dress pants to head over to the church as they were having an outdoor service as they usually do during the Summer months on the last Sunday of each month during the Summer season.
The service was wonderful and we had some fellowship with each other in the fellowship hall and also had some refreshments alongside some wonderful conversation.After I had eaten some stuff and some great talks,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I immediately got out of my dress clothes and into a pair of sweatpants.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in to watch while doing so.I had really nothing else to do for the afternoon except look in on my mom who though feeling much better than before,is still feeling a little under the weather.I kept my eye on her as I feel it is my duty to do that.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church and having some wonderful fellowship afterwards always makes the day eventful.
My road to recovery continues to soldier onward,but I must admit that the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I struggle with BPD and it's symptoms and the struggle is always a difficult one.I am always on an emotional roller coaster ride that never seems to let up.On some days,I can be up and feeling good,while on other days,down and feeling not so good.It also happens within the same day at times.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still continuing my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one day,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when an erection awakened me from a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection at that.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but that only made my genitals harder.I then decided to get up and go to the bathroom since I had to use it anyway.My erection softened while on the way there and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this torturous episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always staying on guard and being watchful when this happens.Aside from the temptation to masturbate erections away,I also get tempted to watch porn,which is another one of my main problem areas.I,on a daily basis,also get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said before and I will say it again,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that particular temptation.But the areas of masturbation and porn are my main problem areas as I get tempted to masturbate whenever an erection occurs or to watch porn and also masturbate while watching porn.I really need some advice and/or suggestions to help me out here.I need to keep fighting to resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I am still open to any ideas on How I can continue to do that.Again,if anyone out there has anything that they feel that I could use or even need,please share and I will try to use it to the best of my ability.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ