Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the local Sears store to pick up some new underwear and after paying for those,I dropped the underwear at home and I relaxed for a while and got ready with my meeting with the pastor in the late afternoon.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward and for the last few days,I have been feeling better than ever.I am not feeling so down nor am I having any sort of anxiety.I have been doing quite a bit of praying and quite a bit of leaning on my creator and his son Jesus Christ for the last few days and the feelings have been wonderful.It is great to finally throw everything on God and let him control everything.I haven't had no temptations to act out by either watching porn nor to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful and unnatural sexual activity with them.It has been great and believe me,I now know what to do when it seems pretty unbearable for me to continue that I can always throw everything on God and let him control everything.I have learned that if you to rely more on your own than God,you will come into difficulty and you will be frustrated when you fail or fall.Again,good feeling.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection as well.I really had to fight to resist this overwhelming urge to masturbate.I simply got up and went to use the bathroom and that is when the erection died down.I also realized that I forgot to plug my cell phone in to get recharged and I did that before going back to sleep.I did escape this episode and I am glad.I always get the overwhelming urge to masturbate whenever an erection occurs in the wee early morning hours.I am now in the process of learning to not let my sexuality own me.I am learning to tell my sexuality that I own it and not the other way around.I know that it is never easy to fight the urge and resist any temptation,but I would rather fight and resist than give into any temptation as anything having to do with sexual activity will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need.I am really in desperate need to relate,identify and connect with my fellow man in a healthy and authentic way.I am looking to have close relationships with my fellow men and just be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.I already know that sexual activity will only leave me empty and wanting more sex and that is not what I want.Again,it isn't easy fighting any urges,but fighting and resisting with God as an aid,it does make me feel good that I do have somebody helping me out and that I am not alone.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ