Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it is still rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only one thing on my agenda today.I had a group to go to today.The group was an improving self esteem group and I had to attend today.I headed over to the group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm because this is an area where I really need to improve.
The group was wonderful.I got quite a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues,it is still a rough and rocky one at that.I suffer and struggle with BPD and it is always a difficult struggle to deal with.I have to put up with the constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good one day or if I will be down and feeling not so good the next.It also happens within the same day sometimes.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will start feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.Both of these erections were really stiff and throbbing ones at that.With the first erection,I tried to toss and turn,but it only got stiffer.I had to get up and when I started to get up,the erection softened and after being up for a few minutes,I went back to sleep.Regarding the second erection,I had to get up and use the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped these two double whammy's,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can come in any form,such as the temptation to masturbate,which is one of my problem areas,and the temptation to watch porn,which is another one of my problem areas.I have to learn to really stay strong and fight and resist these temptations when they occur.I also still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation occurs.I am still in desperate need for advice and/or suggestions on how I can stay strong to continue to fight and resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.If any one of you out there who regularly checks out this blog of mine have anything that you think could benefit me,then please share and please don't be shy.I am open to anything that could work for me.Please share.I would really appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to meet with somebody with the church and I am hoping that the meeting will go well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ