Tonight,my road to recovery is still pressing on with hardly anything new.I had a pretty good day today.
This morning,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was finished,I got dressed.I had only a couple of things on my agenda today and I wanted to get them done.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few last minute things for the upcoming Easter holiday for my grand nieces and grand nephew.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player and watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Day after day,I am seeing and learning that the recovery from any form of mental disorder is not an easy one.It is always a very difficult road.In my case,I really don't know if I will be up or down emotionally as that is how it is with anyone who struggles with bipolar depression.In my case,having schizophrenic tendencies makes it even more difficult.The only things that I can continue to do is to continue attending my therapy sessions and also,to continue taking my medication as directed.In time,I can only hope that my recovery starts improving soon.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when I was awakened by a morning erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really aggressively toss and turn to resist the temptation to masturbate the erection away.In the past,I simply used to masturbate whenever I got an erection in the morning,but now that my priorities have changed,I can't do that anymore.In my case,masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to overcome and disown from myself.I don't want to be a practicing Homosexual.I want to do what is right in God's eyes as God and his son Jesus Christ condemn the sexual activity between two members of the same gender.The Holy Bible even says that it is sinful to indulge in such sexual activity and contact with another member of one's own gender.I will just have to keep on fighting the desire to act out in other ways other than seeking a male partner to act out with.Again,I am still open to any suggestions or advice.Thanks.
Tomorrow,with it being the Easter holiday,I am planning on attending church and the Easter festivities that are going on before the worship service.I am just going to take it easy tomorrow as I really have nothing else planned.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues and I am still hoping that it will start improving soon.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I got up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast and my a couple cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed for the day as I did have some things planned.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.The first was that I had to do some grocery shopping for my mom at a local supermarket.I had a lot of stuff that I needed to get and I did succeed in finding everything that was needed.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I got dressed up to attend the Good Friday evening service at the church and as usual,I was looking forward to the service as I have been worshipping at the church since September of last year.I got dressed up and headed for there.
The service was wonderful.After it was over,there was some great fellowship afterwards and and I headed straight home afterwards.
When I got home,I stayed there for the rest of the evening and I got ready to turn in for the night.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am taking my medication as directed,I am still in the daily struggle with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.The day to day struggle with this mental condition is never easy as anyone with this has to put up with the roller coaster effect of this.On some days,I feel good and on other days,I don't feel so good.The endurance for anyone struggling with bipolar depression or any mental illness or disorder is always a very rocky road indeed.I will just have to hang in there and just deal with this on a day to day basis,which is all that I can do.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I was tempted to masturbate the erection away when I was awakened by it.I again repeatedly and aggressively tossed and turned until the erection died down.In the past,whenever I got an erection,that is what I would do.I would simply masturbate to get rid of it.Now,since I am still in the process of healing from Homosexuality,I try to resist the temptation to masturbate because,no matter if it is emotional or otherwise,masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and disown from me.I want to follow the natural law of God as he created man and woman for a reason.God intended us humans,be we male or female,to be Heterosexual.The Holy Bible condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender and also,only recognizes Heterosexuality and anything having to do with Heterosexuality.I have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I truly need or want,which is gender identity affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I just have to stay in the fight and continue to fight and resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form other than seeking a male partner to act out sexually with.Again,I am open to any suggestions or advice on how I can continue to fight.Thanks.
As for the start of the weekend tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues uninterrupted.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I attend this group every Thursday as I always look forward to it each and every week.I went to the group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group went great.After it was over,I headed over to a local community kitchen for lunch.After lunch,I headed for home.
On the way hone,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for myself.After that,I headed over to my insurance agent to pay my car insurance for the month.When that was paid,I headed over to a local store to pick up some candy for the upcoming holiday.After paying for the candy,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I simply relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched some of the evening news for a while and I got dressed up as I headed over to the church for a special Thursday night Holy Week service.The sermon was to discuss the importance of the Lord's Supper and it's significance in the Christian church.
The service was wonderful.I got a lot out of this and I learned some new things.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone that was there,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I decided to just take it easy and relax for the rest of the evening.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts improving in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.I was again tempted to masturbate it away,but again,I fought the temptation.It wasn't easy,but I escaped.I had to really work on resisting this current temptation as it was a really strong and overwhelming one.I really fought by twisting and turning until the erection died down.Though I escaped this one,I know that the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continue fighting the urge to masturbate an erection away when it happens.I also have to continue keeping in mind that masturbation will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and distance myself away from.If anyone out there has anything to advise or suggest,I am open to anything.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues uninterrupted.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day.
I had only a few things that I needed to do.After registering some bills at the Where's George site,I headed over to the post office to mail out some important bills that needed to be mailed out.I also had some stuff that I needed to mail out as well.After doing all of that,I headed over to the local Sears to pay my credit card bill for the month.After that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up several things that I needed.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues uninterrupted,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am still hoping that my recovery will start improve in the near and distant future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to act out by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this temptation.I again repeatedly tossed and turned until the erection died down and I fell back asleep.Though I escaped this episode,I know that the temptation to act out in other ways can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continue keeping in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.Acting out,whether it is by masturbating or other ways,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity that I am trying to overcome and flee from and also,to be free from.I just have to keep fighting.Again,if anyone has any ideas or suggestions,feel free to share them.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.As far as the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a lot planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after dropping the money off at home,I headed over to the laundromat to do my laundry.
When I got there,I immediately found a machine that nobody was using and I started my load immediately.After it was done in the washing machine,I tossed it all in a couple of dryers and after they were all dry,I folded and bagged everything.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to drop off a couple of prescriptions and to get my mom some chewable baby aspirin.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I sorted out my laundry and relaxed for a while after doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve very soon.I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride for quite a while and I am hoping to see some progress in this.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.I had to really fight both of these temptations as they were really strong and overwhelming.I had to really toss and turn during the first occurrence as it was another throbbing erection and fell back asleep when it died down.The second time,I had to get up and use the bathroom so it died down as I was heading for the bathroom.Though I escaped these two episodes,I have to continue to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form,other than seeking a male partner to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to work on all my strength and work to try and stay stronger when the temptation rolls around and tries to consume me.I have to continue to keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I really need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that come with that affirmation.I also have to keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will also never get me what I am really in need of and want.Acting out,whether it is by masturbation or any other way,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity that I am trying to overcome and disown,because I don't want to be a Homosexual man.I want to be the man that God intended me to be,which is a healthy and happy Heterosexual.I also have to keep in mind that I have to continually seek God and his son Jesus Christ first and the kingdom of God before all else and everything will fall into place.Again,I am still open to any advice and/or suggestions to anyone out there who has been reading and following every word that I post here.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues uninterrupted.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had a mandatory meeting that I had to attend.It was a meeting with a group over at the local hospital.I had to attend the group to ensure that I would get my prescription for my psychiatric medication when I have to see the nurse practitioner over at the hospital later this month.
Since I had some time to kill before the meeting,I decided to stop at a local pizzeria to have a couple slices of pizza for lunch.After I was done eating,I headed over to the hospital and waited in the waiting room until we were called into the meeting room where the group was going to meet.
The meeting went great.It lasted for a little over an hour.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I made a couple of stops along the way.I first stopped at a couple of friends houses to see how they were both doing.After visiting with them both,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up some things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for those items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I sorted out the groceries and put them in their proper places.After that was done,I relaxed and watched some TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was tempted to act out by masturbating twice in the wee early morning hours.I was awakened at a couple of separate intervals of the wee early morning hours by erections.They both were also throbbing ones.The first happened at 4:35am in the morning and the next one happened a little over an hour later.I really had to fight temptation here as the temptation to masturbate them away was very overwhelming.I had to really aggressively toss and turn repeatedly to resist the temptation to masturbate these away.In the past,masturbation was what I did to get rid of the erections,but now that my priorities have changed,I have to fight to resist.I escaped as both the erections died down and I was able to sleep for a while after both these intervals.Though I escaped,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on my desires can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in a fight to continually resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form other than seeking a male partner to act out with.I have to keep up my strength and continue to fight the desires to act out by masturbating or in any other way other than finding another man to have sexual activity with.I just have to stay strong,hang in there and fight the temptations when they rear their ugly heads at me.Again,I am still open to anything that might have helped those who follow this blog.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow,I am going to get around to doing my laundry.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up immediately to head over to the church for the Holy Bible study class and the morning worship service afterwards.
Both the study class and the morning service were wonderful.I got a lot out of both of these and after some wonderful fellowship after the service,I headed straight.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work.I also had myself a quick lunch and after lunch,I was hoping to get my laundry done today,but the weather was getting worse as it was raining and then it thundered and there was sleet coming down.I postponed my trip to the laundromat until Tuesday.
I went only to the local Big Lots to pick up a couple of things there and after paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while and I watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a one day at a time basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve in the days and months ahead.
Regarding my SSA struggles,no temptation to act out today.For the first time in quite a while,there were no erections to wake me up in the wee early morning hours to tempt me to masturbate away.Though nothing happened today,I still need to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am still open to any more advice or suggestions on how I can continue to resist any type of temptation.Thanks in advance for any helpful advice.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend at the local hospital so I can still get my medication prescriptions filled.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ