Tonight,my road to recovery continues and I am still hoping that it will start improving soon.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I got up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had breakfast and my a couple cups of coffee.After that,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed for the day as I did have some things planned.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda today.The first was that I had to do some grocery shopping for my mom at a local supermarket.I had a lot of stuff that I needed to get and I did succeed in finding everything that was needed.After paying for the items,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed for a while.
After eating,I got dressed up to attend the Good Friday evening service at the church and as usual,I was looking forward to the service as I have been worshipping at the church since September of last year.I got dressed up and headed for there.
The service was wonderful.After it was over,there was some great fellowship afterwards and and I headed straight home afterwards.
When I got home,I stayed there for the rest of the evening and I got ready to turn in for the night.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
Though I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am taking my medication as directed,I am still in the daily struggle with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.The day to day struggle with this mental condition is never easy as anyone with this has to put up with the roller coaster effect of this.On some days,I feel good and on other days,I don't feel so good.The endurance for anyone struggling with bipolar depression or any mental illness or disorder is always a very rocky road indeed.I will just have to hang in there and just deal with this on a day to day basis,which is all that I can do.
Regarding my struggles with SSA,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection.I was tempted to masturbate the erection away when I was awakened by it.I again repeatedly and aggressively tossed and turned until the erection died down.In the past,whenever I got an erection,that is what I would do.I would simply masturbate to get rid of it.Now,since I am still in the process of healing from Homosexuality,I try to resist the temptation to masturbate because,no matter if it is emotional or otherwise,masturbation will only reinforce the Homosexual identity,which is what I am trying to overcome and disown from me.I want to follow the natural law of God as he created man and woman for a reason.God intended us humans,be we male or female,to be Heterosexual.The Holy Bible condemns the sexual activity between two members of the same gender and also,only recognizes Heterosexuality and anything having to do with Heterosexuality.I have to continually keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I truly need or want,which is gender identity affirmation and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I just have to stay in the fight and continue to fight and resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form other than seeking a male partner to act out sexually with.Again,I am open to any suggestions or advice on how I can continue to fight.Thanks.
As for the start of the weekend tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ