Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and got dressed in casual clothes.I did my personal PC work and after that,I had a piece of cake with my nephew and my sister in the house.After he left,I did a little bit more personal PC work.I then headed out to drop off some free newspapers at a few people's houses.I also bought a few things at the local Super Wal-Mart and got some gas in my tank and headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed for a bit and had a light evening meal.After eating,I did some more personal PC work.I relaxed for a while until it was tome for me to retire for the evening.A pretty good day overall.
Tonight,I'm still not feeling good emotionally.It's from all the hateful and nasty things that I have said under my breath during this week.I don't know how I'm going to feel better.As I've said,I'm not a hateful person,but some of the things that I've said under my breath have been very hateful and also hurtful.I want to stop this terrible habit of saying hateful and nasty things under my breath.I don't know how to stop doing this.I have been asking for advice on how,but nobody has replied.I'm desperate here.I want to stop,but I need helpful advice on how I can.I want to stop before I unintentionally hurt other people's feelings or lose important relationships that I have with my relatives or even worse,before I lose my job at the facility that I work at,which I don't want to have happen.Please anyone out there reading this.I really need some helpful advice.I feel like I'm talking to dead air as nobody leaves anything within the comments section.Please leave me some helpful advice within the comments section.How am I supposed to know what to do if nobody leaves me anything within the comments section?Please do so.I'm serious about wanting to know how to stop this terrible thing that I'm doing.Please leave me some helpful advice within the comments section.Thanks.
I also continue to ask all of you to please continue praying for me.I need prayerful support as much as I need some positive verbal support.Thanks in advance for your prayerful support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is church as usual.I hope that the rest of the day is beneficial to me as well.FJ
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Friday, April 13, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was all over,I headed for the local U-Haul to pay on the storage facility.I then went to the local Super Wal-Mart To pick up a few things.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and relaxed.I later had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work.Later on,I prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue praying for me and please leave me some positive verbal support within the comments section.Thanks for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the start of the weekend.With the exception of church on Sunday,I have nothing planned,but I hope that what I choose to do gives me positive benefits.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was all over,I headed for the local U-Haul to pay on the storage facility.I then went to the local Super Wal-Mart To pick up a few things.I headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I put the stuff that I bought away and relaxed.I later had a light evening meal and I did my personal PC work.Later on,I prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue praying for me and please leave me some positive verbal support within the comments section.Thanks for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the start of the weekend.With the exception of church on Sunday,I have nothing planned,but I hope that what I choose to do gives me positive benefits.FJ
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving onward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was all over,I stopped at a local 7-11 for a small slurpee and headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered quickly and shaved.I then put my clothes back on and headed for a local church for a free dinner,which went well.After it was over,I headed for a gas station to get some gas and drove around for a bit.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I realized that I forgot to do a couple of things,which I did once I got home and after they were done,I headed back home to change into pajamas and did my personal PC work.I also watched a few videos on YouTube and when it was time,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.
Right now,as a result of all the hateful things that I have been saying under my breath to myself,I am actually at the point where I hate myself.I know that I shouldn't say this,but I can't help feeling the way that I feel.There has been so much negative family drama within my life and it's been getting worse.I'm feeling worse and worse by the day.It has been a crushing bind on me that I still don't know whether I'm coming or going.I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of the road.I don't know which way to go or what to do.I am still saying hateful things under my breath and I feel that I don't know how to stop.I do want to stop.I'm very serious about me wanting to stop this.I simply don't know how.All of the things in my life,such as the negative family drama,the clients at my work place always getting on my case and at times,getting very argumentative when it comes to the rules of the facility,feeling angry at a few family members who are a part of this family drama and even the anger that I still feel at my own father for his physical and emotional abuse of me and even the non-acknowledgement of my paternal grandmother.I have so much emotional baggage on my shoulders.It's really bringing me down and negatively overwhelming me.Not only has it been a crushing bind on me,but it has also been a crushing and heavy weight upon me,especially on my mind.I just want this terrible family drams to stop.I also want these hateful and nasty things that have been flooding my mind to go away and stay away.I want to stop saying these things.I want them to simply go away and never come back.
If anyone out there has any advice to offer,please share it within the comments section.I'm open to anything offered.I want to stop this and I also want these hateful and terrible things to stop flooding my mentality.
Please continue praying for me.I really need all the prayerful support that I can get.Please continue praying for me.As stated,I also need some positive verbal support that might/will help me stop saying these terrible things.Thanks for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up real quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was all over,I stopped at a local 7-11 for a small slurpee and headed straight home.
When I got home,I showered quickly and shaved.I then put my clothes back on and headed for a local church for a free dinner,which went well.After it was over,I headed for a gas station to get some gas and drove around for a bit.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I realized that I forgot to do a couple of things,which I did once I got home and after they were done,I headed back home to change into pajamas and did my personal PC work.I also watched a few videos on YouTube and when it was time,I prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.
Right now,as a result of all the hateful things that I have been saying under my breath to myself,I am actually at the point where I hate myself.I know that I shouldn't say this,but I can't help feeling the way that I feel.There has been so much negative family drama within my life and it's been getting worse.I'm feeling worse and worse by the day.It has been a crushing bind on me that I still don't know whether I'm coming or going.I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of the road.I don't know which way to go or what to do.I am still saying hateful things under my breath and I feel that I don't know how to stop.I do want to stop.I'm very serious about me wanting to stop this.I simply don't know how.All of the things in my life,such as the negative family drama,the clients at my work place always getting on my case and at times,getting very argumentative when it comes to the rules of the facility,feeling angry at a few family members who are a part of this family drama and even the anger that I still feel at my own father for his physical and emotional abuse of me and even the non-acknowledgement of my paternal grandmother.I have so much emotional baggage on my shoulders.It's really bringing me down and negatively overwhelming me.Not only has it been a crushing bind on me,but it has also been a crushing and heavy weight upon me,especially on my mind.I just want this terrible family drams to stop.I also want these hateful and nasty things that have been flooding my mind to go away and stay away.I want to stop saying these things.I want them to simply go away and never come back.
If anyone out there has any advice to offer,please share it within the comments section.I'm open to anything offered.I want to stop this and I also want these hateful and terrible things to stop flooding my mentality.
Please continue praying for me.I really need all the prayerful support that I can get.Please continue praying for me.As stated,I also need some positive verbal support that might/will help me stop saying these terrible things.Thanks for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit of work in the house.I even ran an errand by going to a local supermarket to pick up a few needed things for dinner.
When I got home,I relaxed and did 4/5 of my personal PC work.I then had a light evening meal and did some more personal PC work.I then prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue praying for me.Please leave me some encouraging words and spiritual upbuiling in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I did a little bit of work in the house.I even ran an errand by going to a local supermarket to pick up a few needed things for dinner.
When I got home,I relaxed and did 4/5 of my personal PC work.I then had a light evening meal and did some more personal PC work.I then prepared for my evening retirement.A very good day overall.
Please continue praying for me.Please leave me some encouraging words and spiritual upbuiling in the comments section.Thanks to all of you.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I helped my sister with some work of getting rid of drywall.After that was done,I relaxed and waited a while to shower after that.I did my personal PC work work while waiting and showered later on.After showering,I had a light evening meal and I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.
Today,I said a few more hateful nasty things under my breath.Please continue praying for me as I really need to stop doing this.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I helped my sister with some work of getting rid of drywall.After that was done,I relaxed and waited a while to shower after that.I did my personal PC work work while waiting and showered later on.After showering,I had a light evening meal and I did some more personal PC work.I later prepared to retire for the evening.A very good day overall.
Today,I said a few more hateful nasty things under my breath.Please continue praying for me as I really need to stop doing this.I also would appreciate some positive verbal support in the comments section.Thanks for your continued support.Thanks also to both my heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Monday, April 09, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed for the bank to withdraw cash and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed a little bit of clothing and headed out again.I got some gas and took a drive for a while.I then picked up a take-out meal from a local Wendy's and headed straight home.
When I got home,I ate my meal and watched a video on the web while doing so.After that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I showered quickly and did some more personal PC work.I later planned to retire for the evening as I was getting tired.A very good day overall.
I shared yesterday about saying hateful things under my breath in an angry sort of way.Today,I said some of the same hateful things again.It was towards my own relatives.I felt terribly miserable after that.I also felt sad and depressed.I still don't know what's wrong with me.I still don't know whether I'm coming or going.I want to stop saying these things.I'm not a hateful person,but the things have said under my breath make me look like the opposite of myself.It's driving me crazy.It's also making me feel miserable.I do want to stop,but don't know how.
Can somebody out there help me?
I really need some help.I'm open to anything that's useful and has worked for other people.
I also still need all the support that I can get.Please continue praying for me.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding with Holy Bible scripture and Christian styled consultation and encouraging affirming words,within the comments section.Thanks to y'all for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed.I headed for work.
The work day went well.After it was over,I headed for the bank to withdraw cash and after that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I changed a little bit of clothing and headed out again.I got some gas and took a drive for a while.I then picked up a take-out meal from a local Wendy's and headed straight home.
When I got home,I ate my meal and watched a video on the web while doing so.After that,I did my personal PC work.After that was done,I showered quickly and did some more personal PC work.I later planned to retire for the evening as I was getting tired.A very good day overall.
I shared yesterday about saying hateful things under my breath in an angry sort of way.Today,I said some of the same hateful things again.It was towards my own relatives.I felt terribly miserable after that.I also felt sad and depressed.I still don't know what's wrong with me.I still don't know whether I'm coming or going.I want to stop saying these things.I'm not a hateful person,but the things have said under my breath make me look like the opposite of myself.It's driving me crazy.It's also making me feel miserable.I do want to stop,but don't know how.
Can somebody out there help me?
I really need some help.I'm open to anything that's useful and has worked for other people.
I also still need all the support that I can get.Please continue praying for me.I also would still appreciate some positive verbal support,in the forms of spiritual upbuilding with Holy Bible scripture and Christian styled consultation and encouraging affirming words,within the comments section.Thanks to y'all for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is a work day.I hope that all goes well.FJ
Sunday, April 08, 2018
Tonight,my rocky road to recovery continues moving forward.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed in a suit.I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for a local Arby's for a quick lunch and headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and after that,called someone who's been helping out with the remodeling and said he needed a ride,so I picked him up and dropped him off and after that,went to get a can of paint and some sanding screens and headed straight home.
When I got home,I took the paint and the sanding screens to him and went right away to do my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and later,took the guy who's helping us home.
When I returned,I had a light evening meal and I did more personal PC work.I continued online watching a few videos and sending important e-mail's and then,prepared for my evening retirement.A wonderful and eventful day overall.
Tonight,I need to get something off of my mind.I have been in a rut for a while.No,it has nothing to do with my SSA struggles,but it may have little to do with them,I feel at the same time.Lately,I have been saying very hateful things under my breath.Yes,I have.I don't know why I've been doing so,but I have been.These hateful things are directed towards my own relatives and even to some of the clients at the drug/alcohol rehab facility that I work at.Fellow readers,friends and followers,I'm not a totally hateful person.But lately,I have been saying these terrible things under my breath.Again,I don't know why.I have also been saying other mean things connected with my relatives.I have been saying negative things about their annual get together's every year.I have also been saying very judgmental things about certain relatives and every time I do,I feel miserable and also,angry at myself for saying them.I also continue to say angry things to myself aiming these things at people who aren't there.This has been really shaking me up and making me hate myself and also,angry at myself at the same time.I also still get depressed whenever these things happen.It saddens me that things have been flooding my mind and that I've been saying them.I am hoping that I don't get into trouble for these things at work and most importantly,my own relatives as if they hear that I have been saying these terrible hateful things under my breath and that I yell these things to someone else in my family,I am afraid that my own family will disown me and want nothing to do with me.I can't have that happen.I also could lose my job over this and also,I can't have that happen either.Again,I'm really not a hateful person,but these hateful things that I've been saying under my breath are making me sad,miserable and angry at myself for having them.
Could it be that I still have some unresolved anger and trauma issues?
Could it also be that I hate myself for having these unnatural SSA desires that I struggle with daily?
Could it also be that I hate myself for having this terrible SSA struggle in the first place?
Could it also be that I hate myself overall for even having these terrible unnatural desires and struggle with them?
I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
I don't know what I'm going to do to stop this terrible hateful and angry tirade that I have.
The thing is that I'm supposed to be a Christian.I go to church each Sunday morning.I also go to church during the holy days of Christmas and Easter.I worship with very loving,friendly and wonderful people.I also do Holy Bible readings when I can and even share in Holy Communion with my fellow worshipers.I also volunteer by ushering by helping out with collections and Holy Communion.Christians are supposed to be loving people as much as Jesus Christ,the founder of the Christian faith,was/still is loving.Christians are also supposed to be compassionate as Jesus Christ was/still is compassionate.
The problem is that lately,as a result of this terrible tirade that I have and my SSA struggles,I have not been acting like a Christian.No,I haven't.I humbly admit it.I have been acting more like a worldly person who has distanced himself from the Christian faith and chooses to do what they want to do regardless of whether it hurts others or not.I hate that about myself.I really do hate that.
I want to stop,but don't know how.If anyone can help,please do so.I need prayerful support.I need all of you to continue praying for me.I also need all of you to continue believing in me and not give up on me.I do want to change.I do want to be a loving person.I also want to get rid of these hateful things that I have been saying.I also want to stop this angry and hateful tirade that I have.I feel miserable and angry at myself as a result of these things.
I also need some spiritual upbuiliding in the forms of Holy Bible scriptures and spiritual counseling to go with it.I also need a lot of encouraging words to go along with the spiritual upbuilding and counseling.Please leave these things within the comments section on my blog.Thanks to all of you for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the start of the new work week.I hope that all goes well with me tomorrow and onward.FJ
Today,I woke up in the early morning and had my usual coffee.After my coffee,I washed up quickly and got dressed in a suit.I headed for church for both the morning's Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with my fellow worshipers,I headed for a local Arby's for a quick lunch and headed straight home after that.
When I got home,I changed from my suit into casual clothes and after that,called someone who's been helping out with the remodeling and said he needed a ride,so I picked him up and dropped him off and after that,went to get a can of paint and some sanding screens and headed straight home.
When I got home,I took the paint and the sanding screens to him and went right away to do my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and later,took the guy who's helping us home.
When I returned,I had a light evening meal and I did more personal PC work.I continued online watching a few videos and sending important e-mail's and then,prepared for my evening retirement.A wonderful and eventful day overall.
Tonight,I need to get something off of my mind.I have been in a rut for a while.No,it has nothing to do with my SSA struggles,but it may have little to do with them,I feel at the same time.Lately,I have been saying very hateful things under my breath.Yes,I have.I don't know why I've been doing so,but I have been.These hateful things are directed towards my own relatives and even to some of the clients at the drug/alcohol rehab facility that I work at.Fellow readers,friends and followers,I'm not a totally hateful person.But lately,I have been saying these terrible things under my breath.Again,I don't know why.I have also been saying other mean things connected with my relatives.I have been saying negative things about their annual get together's every year.I have also been saying very judgmental things about certain relatives and every time I do,I feel miserable and also,angry at myself for saying them.I also continue to say angry things to myself aiming these things at people who aren't there.This has been really shaking me up and making me hate myself and also,angry at myself at the same time.I also still get depressed whenever these things happen.It saddens me that things have been flooding my mind and that I've been saying them.I am hoping that I don't get into trouble for these things at work and most importantly,my own relatives as if they hear that I have been saying these terrible hateful things under my breath and that I yell these things to someone else in my family,I am afraid that my own family will disown me and want nothing to do with me.I can't have that happen.I also could lose my job over this and also,I can't have that happen either.Again,I'm really not a hateful person,but these hateful things that I've been saying under my breath are making me sad,miserable and angry at myself for having them.
Could it be that I still have some unresolved anger and trauma issues?
Could it also be that I hate myself for having these unnatural SSA desires that I struggle with daily?
Could it also be that I hate myself for having this terrible SSA struggle in the first place?
Could it also be that I hate myself overall for even having these terrible unnatural desires and struggle with them?
I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
I don't know what I'm going to do to stop this terrible hateful and angry tirade that I have.
The thing is that I'm supposed to be a Christian.I go to church each Sunday morning.I also go to church during the holy days of Christmas and Easter.I worship with very loving,friendly and wonderful people.I also do Holy Bible readings when I can and even share in Holy Communion with my fellow worshipers.I also volunteer by ushering by helping out with collections and Holy Communion.Christians are supposed to be loving people as much as Jesus Christ,the founder of the Christian faith,was/still is loving.Christians are also supposed to be compassionate as Jesus Christ was/still is compassionate.
The problem is that lately,as a result of this terrible tirade that I have and my SSA struggles,I have not been acting like a Christian.No,I haven't.I humbly admit it.I have been acting more like a worldly person who has distanced himself from the Christian faith and chooses to do what they want to do regardless of whether it hurts others or not.I hate that about myself.I really do hate that.
I want to stop,but don't know how.If anyone can help,please do so.I need prayerful support.I need all of you to continue praying for me.I also need all of you to continue believing in me and not give up on me.I do want to change.I do want to be a loving person.I also want to get rid of these hateful things that I have been saying.I also want to stop this angry and hateful tirade that I have.I feel miserable and angry at myself as a result of these things.
I also need some spiritual upbuiliding in the forms of Holy Bible scriptures and spiritual counseling to go with it.I also need a lot of encouraging words to go along with the spiritual upbuilding and counseling.Please leave these things within the comments section on my blog.Thanks to all of you for your support.Thanks also to both my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow is the start of the new work week.I hope that all goes well with me tomorrow and onward.FJ
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