Tonight,I am feeling okay.I had a pretty not too exciting day today.After I was awakened by the thump of a heavy box onto my foot this morning,I had to get up and straighten out soem of the boxes that had some of my 45 r.p.m. records in them.Nothing broke and that was good plus I did not get too hurt when the box hit my foot.But I felt that I had to do something to prevent this from happening again.I had to get rid of an old compact stereo that I had and donated it to the local Salvation Army thrift shop.
After dropping that off,I went over to a friends house to check up on him but he wasn't home.I left to do some grocery shopping for my mom.Before that,I stopped at a Wendy's near the supermarket and ordered a JR.Bacon Cheeseburger with extra pickles but I got a JR Cheeseburger Deluxe with fries that I did not order.They did give me a few bacon slices by request to compensate for this.I only wanted a sandwich to tie me over until dinner but I got more than I bargained for as well as my money's worth.Fortunately,it did not fill me up enough so I couldn't eat dinner when I got home.After dinner,I finished my personal PC work and went upstairs to look through my 45 r.p.m. singles to see if I had a certain song,which I did not.But I will see if I can still obtain it somehow.
I am looking forward to entertaining the crowd tonight.I always look forward to doing that each and every week.I always enjoy singing up a storm.As always,I hope that things go well for me tonight.Though I rarely,if ever,have an off night,I always still hope for things to go well.You never know what might happen.Again,I hope that the night goes well for me.
Tomorrow is Sunday.I have not made up my mind as to what I am going to do but whatever it is,I am hoping that it is something that will benefit me in a positive way.
That was my day today,including my hopes for tonight and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.The work shift went by smoothly and I picked up plenty of laundry.The Monday crew is going to have a lot to do.Thew day also was sunny and bright but not humid.I also had a very good drive home today.After cashing my check,I stopped at a thrift shop and picked up a few more record albums and singles.I even managed to find a video starring the Olsen Twins.After that,I went home.
The only disappointing thing was that I relapsed again.I masturbated with those stupid images coming back to mind.This is my third consecutive relapse this week and it did bring me down initially.After asking the creator to forgive me,I felt better and it also motivated me to forgive myself.Again,I do feel pretty good despite that relapse.I know that I will beat this habit.I just have to keep hanging in there.
After I ate dinner,I went to a supermarket to turn in some bottles that were in the trunk of my car.I wanted to do that before the storm that we were getting started.Right now,it is raining but it is not storming.The rain is coming down but it is not too big.It is a medium downpour.But I am at home relaxing and I am getting ready for the weekend.I just want to save my energy for tomorrow night.
I am glad that the weekend is finally here.I am looking forward to singing up a storm tomorrow night.I always look forward to singing tomorrow night for my friends.It is something that I live for.I am hoping that the night goes well for me.I do not know what I am going to sing but I know that it will be something good.
I am looking forward to attending the group on Monday night.I am hoping that the group goes over well and I am also hoping that it is worth going to and continuing to go to.I feel that I do need some help in learning new ways to control my anger and resort to more positive ways of expressing how I feel rather than negative ways.I have resorted to negative ways too many times and it has gotten me into trouble.Again,I am hoping to gain some more insight and learn more positive ways of expressing my anger than negative so I can avoid trouble later on.I also want to advance on and hope for the best.
Last night,I watched a video on YouTube on how vinyl records are made.It was great.I am a collector of rare vinyl and this was a great eductaional experience.A lot of hard work goes into the making of vinyl recoord albums and singles.By comparison,it's easier to make vinyl records than it is to make CD's.I now better appreciate what I do as a hobby and why I do it.
Again,I am hoping that my night of entertaining goes well tomorrow night.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a pretty good day today.The work shift went by smoothly and the lunch period was also great.After lunch,I simply bagged the laundry that was done and I dropped it off.I went home soon afterwards because I needed to drop some stuff at home and I needed to get ready for my afternoon appointment.I simply did a little bit of my personal computer work and went to my appointment.I made it just in time.
My meeting with my sexual abuse support counselor went well.We simply read a chapter from a book on anger management and how depression is a from of anger turned inward.This was a new thing that I learned today.I never realized that depression is a form of anger.I am now starting to learn new things and hope to learn a few more.I am also looking forward to attending a new sexual abuse support group within the place that I have sessions with my sexual abuse support counselor.I am hoping that this group works out well.I am also looking forward to meeting new men and hoping to start some new friendships.Again,when this group starts,I am hoping that it works out well and that it helps me out a lot.I can use all the support that I can get.
I am still looking forward to attending that first meeting of that anger management/conflict resolution group Monday evening.I can hardly wait to meet new men and start having new friendships and healthy relationships.I am looking forward to that Monday evening group and I am hoping that it helps me out a lot and that I also learn a lot more about how I can effectively manage my anger and control it rather than it controlling me.
Tomorrow is another work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling better than I have been.I had a pretty good day today.The pick-up went by pretty well.There was no mess to clean and that was great.I dropped it off at the worksite and afetr sorting it out,I went home.I tried to take a nap today,but couldn't.I wound up relapsing again.I masturbated to images of naked men and having sexual fun with them.Plus,there were other disgusting degrading things that crept up in my mind but I am not going to talk about that.Why?Because I do not want to gross anyone out.That is how bad they are.But again,I am no longer feeling bad about it.I am simply going to forget about it and move on.I am going to work on not letting these images of nude men demanding favors from me torture me.I am going to try and work on these things and not let it bring me down.I relapsed and that is all.I am not going to let it bring me down.
My support group meeting at the church went great.It was wonderful to relieve myself of some of the emotional baggage that I have been carrying this past week.I shared what has been going on in my life and my work and it was great to share these things with the men and being heard.It was also wonderful that they also listened to me as well.I also learned that I had something in common with one of the men in the group,which was wonderful.It is great to learn that I had something in common with one of the men.I went home feeling great.It was a long drive home but I had a feeling of satisfaction that has not left me.I hope that it lasts very long.
I also had a talk with that friend of mine in North Carolina who authored a great book that I contributed to.It was a great conversation.He gave me some pretty good advice on what I should do in a month's time.He wanted me to put into my mind who I really am.I have told him repeatedly about all the turmoil that went on in my life and what my father did to me in the name of his "Born-Again Christianity" and all the physical,emotional and spiritual abuse that I endured at his hand.He simply told me that I should concentrate on working to be a happy man who strives to learn new things.He advised me to try it for a month and see what happens.I said that I would try it and apply what I am learning in my daily life and also talk about it here on my blog. He also advised me to work on not letting the torture and turmoil that my father placed on me bring me down and angry and forget all the emasculations that he gave.I am going to also work on appreciating compliments better.I still have a hard time accepting and appreciating compliments all because of all I went through.But as he advised,I am going to strive to learn new things and work on becoming the happy balanced man that I want to be.
Earlier today,I went to my auto mechanic to have my brakes checked out.The brakes on my car need to be replaced.My mechanic did make some minor adjustments that will help for now but he said that the work still needs to be done soon.I know that it needs to be done and I will get it done when I can,which will be soon.
Tomorrow is a work day.I am hoping that the shift goes by smoothly.I also have an appointment with the substitute sexual abuse support counselor.I am hoping that the meeting with her goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow as well as what I have to work on in the months ahead.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling okay.My work day went by smoothly.But I was tired for much of the day.I was yawning and trying to stay awake.I even drank a couple of cups of coffee but that did not work.Fortunately,I did not fall asleep on the job but it was still frustrating trying to stay awake and do my job.When the time that I could go home arrived,I simply bagged the laundry and I dropped it off at the rehab center.Afterwards,I went home to relax but my day was not over yet.
I also went to a local shopping mall in my area because there was something going on there.I had the opportunity of winning a few autographed photos of sports heroes.I manged to win a few of mostly wrestlers though I am not into wrestling.One of them was a male wrestler and the other two were female wrestlers.But still,the pics will be collectable later on and I am glad that I won something.I also won some vintage sports memoriabilia.It was great to have won that but I had to wait in a long line for over two hours.Still,what I got was better than nothing and it was a great evening.After this,I simply got in my car and drove home.
On the way home,there was a storm coming.I saw lightning over the peninsula in one of teh cities in the next county and I wanted to get home right away so I would not get caught in it.Fortunately,when I got home,it was only a reasonably brife electrical storm but I wanted to get home fast just in case it would get really ugly.You never know.
Tomorrow is simply a pick up day.I am hoping that the pick up goes well.Tomorrow night,I am going to my support group meeting at the church.I am hoping that it goes well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I had a very good day today.I finally went to see the medication manager at the local hospital today and the session went well.I told her an awful lot over what has happened in the last several weeks and she was glad to hear it.I told her everything.I did not leave anything out.I also showed her the book that I had recently received and I also informed her that I was one of the contributors.She seemed very enthusiastic over this.The session went for a little over an hour but it was terrific.I have another appointment with her in November.Again,the session today with her went well.
After I left the hospital,I ran a personal errand for my mom and I also walked through another shopping mall in my area.I went into a certain store and I looked at some of the electronics that they had for sale.It was simply a few stereo players with turntables,CD and cassette players.But they were nice.I had a pretty good time simply window shopping.I did not buy anything but still,it was good to window shop.The day was also sunny and cheerful.We are supposed to get rain in a couple of days.The rain will do some good.Though the days have been a roller coaster ride regarding the weather,the rain will still do some good.We did have some rain on Friday night and a little bit on Sunday,but a little bit more will do good.
When I was having the session with the medication manager,she gave me a phone number to get in touch with another group in the area.It is an anger management/conflict resolution group that I think will do me some good.I have been having some problems lately because I have been in an emotional funk ever since the sudden death of that support group at the church member.I have been saying angry things to myself pretending that there are people present.I feel that I do need some help in keeping this under control.Though I have been doing a good job of keeping my temper under control according to some of the people that I know,I still feel that I need some extra help.I would like to STOP saying angry things and statements to myself because I do not want to get myself into trouble like hurting myself or others.I could hurt myself where somebody could be scared of approaching me due to this or it could be a lot of other things that could happen.I am only going to pursue this because it is better to be safe than sorry.
Tomorrow is simply a work day.I am hoping that the day goes by well.
That was my day today and my hoped for day tomorrow.FJ

Tonight,I am feeling pretty good.I did not have too exciting of a day today.I simply ran an errand for my mom and I had a quick lunch over at a local shopping mall.When I got there,I was waiting on a parking spot because there was a Canadian man going into his truck and it looked like that he was going to leave but a few seconds later,another Canadian man in the truck next to his came out and it looked like that he might be asking directions.But all they both did was light up cigarette and started puffing.That really frosted me.I felt that this was a very inconsiderate thing to do.I was waiting on a parking spot and they just stood there smoking a "cancer stick" and talking.I even let them have it with how I felt about this little inconsideration.But they just gave me a dirty look,which roughly translated was "Who The Hell Is This Nutcase?"After that,I simply drove off and found another spot.Not where I wanted but better than nothing.The worst part of it was that the guy drove by me and gave me the finger.That really angered me because again,this guy was very inconsiderate in leading me to wait for a parking space and then smoke a cigarette with someone else while leaving others waiting.The 2nd worst part of it was that there was no mall security around to tell these guys how wrong they were.I don't mind Canadians coming here to shop because it helps keep our economy flowing.But to pull a stunt like this is not only inconsiderate but it is also 100% WRONG.Nobody should keep others waiting for parking spaces when they are needed.But I guess that it is a part of life.But sometimes,I wish that I did not have to put up with inconsiderate people.
Last night,my night of entertaining the crowd went over well.Not only that,a friend of mine,who I did not expect to see,popped in.We sat together at the same table and we bot went home together with me dropping him off.I had a nice quiet drive home afterwards.
Also,I had a talk with that other friend of mine who I have been trying to get together with for a while.When I did not get him earlier today,I thought that he was out with his new girlfriend.But he told me that he just started a new job and it was at a hotel.He also said that it was a 7 day a week job and it is going to take him about 2-3 weeks to get settled in with it.Again,we're still hoping to get together in teh near future.I do not know when but when it happens,I know that it will be a great thing.
For the rest of the night,I do not know what I am going to do.I might go out and have a quiet drink with a few of the people over at the place where I entertain.After that,when I get home,I might watch a movie before turning in for the night.
Tomorrow I have a appointment with the medication manager over at the local hospital.I am hoping that the session goes well.
That was my day today,my night last night and my hopes for the day tomorrow.FJ