Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to a local supermarket to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed over to a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something else that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD in the DVD player for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues marching forward and that is good.I have been feeling a little bit better as a result of having that conversation with the Christian counselor on Monday night.I have been really talking to God through his son Jesus Christ and everything has been pretty much okay.I have been feeling better and I am hoping that these good feelings last a while longer.I guess that I have just have to keep leaning on God through his son Jesus Christ a lot more and the good feelings will continue.But still,I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue to take my medication as directed.As stated,I am hoping that these good feelings last a long time and I will try to stay in contact with God through his son Jesus Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was again awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one at that.This was a very overwhelming urge and I always get the urge to masturbate whenever I get an erection as that is when the urge is strongest.I simply got up and walked to the bathroom as I had to use it anyway and on the way there,the erection softened and after I used the bathroom,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to stay on guard and be watchful as the urge to masturbate can come in any way,shape or form.Escaping like this is easy,but throughout the day,the urge can creep up on me and then,I am faced with the dilemma of either giving into the temptation or asking God through his son Jesus Christ to help strengthen me and get me through the temptation.I see that no mere human being can tough it out like they try to do as I have learned the hard way that toughing it out relying on my own strength never really works at all.I will simply have to stay in touch with God and his son Jesus Christ whenever I have the urges.I now realize that they are the only ones that can help get me through any difficult trials with temptation.I may also have to talk with the Christian counselor again whenever possible.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual,including the Holy Bible study class that is held before the worship service.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the local Sears store to pick up some new underwear and after paying for those,I dropped the underwear at home and I relaxed for a while and got ready with my meeting with the pastor in the late afternoon.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a gas station to get some gas.After that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward and for the last few days,I have been feeling better than ever.I am not feeling so down nor am I having any sort of anxiety.I have been doing quite a bit of praying and quite a bit of leaning on my creator and his son Jesus Christ for the last few days and the feelings have been wonderful.It is great to finally throw everything on God and let him control everything.I haven't had no temptations to act out by either watching porn nor to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful and unnatural sexual activity with them.It has been great and believe me,I now know what to do when it seems pretty unbearable for me to continue that I can always throw everything on God and let him control everything.I have learned that if you to rely more on your own than God,you will come into difficulty and you will be frustrated when you fail or fall.Again,good feeling.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection as well.I really had to fight to resist this overwhelming urge to masturbate.I simply got up and went to use the bathroom and that is when the erection died down.I also realized that I forgot to plug my cell phone in to get recharged and I did that before going back to sleep.I did escape this episode and I am glad.I always get the overwhelming urge to masturbate whenever an erection occurs in the wee early morning hours.I am now in the process of learning to not let my sexuality own me.I am learning to tell my sexuality that I own it and not the other way around.I know that it is never easy to fight the urge and resist any temptation,but I would rather fight and resist than give into any temptation as anything having to do with sexual activity will never give me the fulfillment that I so desperately need.I am really in desperate need to relate,identify and connect with my fellow man in a healthy and authentic way.I am looking to have close relationships with my fellow men and just be one of the guys as I am a guy myself.I already know that sexual activity will only leave me empty and wanting more sex and that is not what I want.Again,it isn't easy fighting any urges,but fighting and resisting with God as an aid,it does make me feel good that I do have somebody helping me out and that I am not alone.
As for tomorrow,I haven't made any plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery moves forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
I first had a spirituality group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there hoping to get a lot out of the group.
The group meeting was wonderful as I did get a lot out of it.After the meeting was over,I headed over to a local kitchen for lunch and after eating,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up something for dinner.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to go forward and since I started praying a little each day,I am feeling better.The talk that I had with the Christian counselor really did some good.I even prayed yesterday when I was feeling temptation trying to get the better of me and I felt better after that.I just relaxed after that and I took it easy and watched something that I popped in the DVD player.Despite these good things,I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that these good feelings last quite a while.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another morning erection and it was another throbbing one.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation as it was really strong.I simply got up to go to the bathroom and the erection softened.After using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.I did get a semi-erection later on when it was almost daylight,but that soon died after I got up to sit up for a bit and went back to sleep afterwards.I must say that temptation can try to get the better of anyone whenever it hits.Though I felt the overwhelming desire to masturbate the erection away,I felt pretty good that I didn't give into the temptation.I am hoping that I can still get this strength and use it to the best of my ability in the near and distant future.Also,for the first time in quite a while,I didn't have the temptation to watch porn nor the temptation to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.This has been giving me a pretty good feeling and I am hoping that these good feelings continue for a long time.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned,but whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

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Tonight,I am feeling a little bit better after I had a talk with a counselor last night.I had a very good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I had a meeting with someone from the church in the early afternoon and I rushed to get ready for it.I was looking forward to this with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there when the time came to go there.
The meeting was wonderful.After the meeting was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local Dollar Tree store to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for those things,I headed straight home.In between all of that,I managed to withdraw some money for my mom from the bank.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good day.
My recovery continues and today,for the first time in quite a while,I was feeling a little bit better.After having a talk with a Christian counselor over the phone last night and I discussed with her about what I was going through.We talked for a while and we prayed together and after it was over,I felt better.I slept pretty good during the night and I didn't have any sexual images of men cloud my mind.I slept wonderfully and I got up in the mid morning feeling like a 1,000,000 ton weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.Last night's talk with her made me realize that I need to rely on God more than my own personal strength.I am weak,but God can make me strong with his power.I guess that throwing everything of yours on the Lord really makes a difference.I am not feeling sad nor anything negative.It was great and I am looking forward to talking with her again in the near future.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when an erection awakened me.I simply got up to use the bathroom as I had to use it.After using it,I simply went back to sleep and slept well until I did get up.For the first time in a long time,I had no temptation to act out in any way,shape of form.I also didn't have any cravings for anything sexual with other men nor to watch any porn.It was great.I went through the day without any anxieties nor any fears or temptations.I am just hoping that I can get through the near and distant future without having any of these temptations.I know that I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as those temptations can rear their ugly heads when least expected.I now know that I can pray and give these things to God through Jesus Christ now.I feel relieved and wonderful.Thank God and his son Jesus Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though it is still rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only one thing on my agenda today.I had a group to go to today.The group was an improving self esteem group and I had to attend today.I headed over to the group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm because this is an area where I really need to improve.
The group was wonderful.I got quite a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player and I watched it.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues,it is still a rough and rocky one at that.I suffer and struggle with BPD and it is always a difficult struggle to deal with.I have to put up with the constant emotional roller coaster ride that I am usually on.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good one day or if I will be down and feeling not so good the next.It also happens within the same day sometimes.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will start feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.Both of these erections were really stiff and throbbing ones at that.With the first erection,I tried to toss and turn,but it only got stiffer.I had to get up and when I started to get up,the erection softened and after being up for a few minutes,I went back to sleep.Regarding the second erection,I had to get up and use the bathroom and as I walked there,the erection softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped these two double whammy's,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can come in any form,such as the temptation to masturbate,which is one of my problem areas,and the temptation to watch porn,which is another one of my problem areas.I have to learn to really stay strong and fight and resist these temptations when they occur.I also still get tempted,on a daily basis,to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but when that temptation happens,I simply and willfully choose to stay home when that particular temptation occurs.I am still in desperate need for advice and/or suggestions on how I can stay strong to continue to fight and resist the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form.If any one of you out there who regularly checks out this blog of mine have anything that you think could benefit me,then please share and please don't be shy.I am open to anything that could work for me.Please share.I would really appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to meet with somebody with the church and I am hoping that the meeting will go well.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in just a dress shirt,tie and dress pants to head over to the church as they were having an outdoor service as they usually do during the Summer months on the last Sunday of each month during the Summer season.
The service was wonderful and we had some fellowship with each other in the fellowship hall and also had some refreshments alongside some wonderful conversation.After I had eaten some stuff and some great talks,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I immediately got out of my dress clothes and into a pair of sweatpants.I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in to watch while doing so.I had really nothing else to do for the afternoon except look in on my mom who though feeling much better than before,is still feeling a little under the weather.I kept my eye on her as I feel it is my duty to do that.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good and eventful day.For me,going to church and having some wonderful fellowship afterwards always makes the day eventful.
My road to recovery continues to soldier onward,but I must admit that the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I struggle with BPD and it's symptoms and the struggle is always a difficult one.I am always on an emotional roller coaster ride that never seems to let up.On some days,I can be up and feeling good,while on other days,down and feeling not so good.It also happens within the same day at times.Aside from that,I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes the BPD struggle even more difficult.It also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I am still continuing my therapy sessions.I am also continuing to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one day,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this constant emotional roller coaster ride.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when an erection awakened me from a deep sleep.It was also another throbbing erection at that.I had to really use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but that only made my genitals harder.I then decided to get up and go to the bathroom since I had to use it anyway.My erection softened while on the way there and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this torturous episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always staying on guard and being watchful when this happens.Aside from the temptation to masturbate erections away,I also get tempted to watch porn,which is another one of my main problem areas.I,on a daily basis,also get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but as I have said before and I will say it again,I simply and willfully choose to stay home rather than give into that particular temptation.But the areas of masturbation and porn are my main problem areas as I get tempted to masturbate whenever an erection occurs or to watch porn and also masturbate while watching porn.I really need some advice and/or suggestions to help me out here.I need to keep fighting to resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I am still open to any ideas on How I can continue to do that.Again,if anyone out there has anything that they feel that I could use or even need,please share and I will try to use it to the best of my ability.Thanks in advance for anything offered.
Tomorrow,I have a group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ