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Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After my bath,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.I had only a couple of things planned.
I first went to the post office to mail out a couple of things that had to be mailed.After completing this task,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed until it was time for me to go to my appointment with the pastor of the church for my weekly study lesson with him.
The session went great and after it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I took it easy.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues onward,I am still struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from one day to the next.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still continuing to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more than anything.When the struggle seems too unbearable,I turn to God and ask in his son Jesus Christ's name to help me get through the strain and help to sustain me through it all.It is never easy suffering from a mental illness,but with the divine intervention of both God and Christ,it is wonderful that I am not alone and that they are there to help when asked to help.Thanks to both of them for everything.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This time,the temptation didn't last too long as when I started to get up,the erection started to soften and after about a minute or two,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.Later on,I had to stop myself as I was bathing,I started manipulating my genitals while sexual images of men started to cloud my mind.I stopped myself and after my bath,I asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that as it was wrong for me to do.I have figured out the root cause of this,though.In the past,I used to watch a lot of Homosexual sex themed porn and as a result of that,the sexual images of men from those porn videos cloud my mind up.Not only that,while watching the porn,I at times used to fantasize that I was in the video myself performing the sexual act on the other man.I haven't watched any porn in a long time,but the images still continue to cloud my mind when I least expect them to and that leads me to almost giving into or giving into the temptation to act out by masturbating to these images.Since I have been in the process of healing and that I now know the truth about Homosexuality/SSA and that acting out is a choice as well as living the life of a sexually active Homosexual person is also a choice,I feel that Satan and his minions are trying to lure me back into that sinful sexual lifestyle.They are trying to get me to having sex with other men by simply making my mind rehash all those impure and unclean erotic images of other men having sex with each other and also,bringing up images of men in the nude alongside that.I really want to clear my mind permanently of these disgusting,impure,unclean,immoral and degrading images of this sort of thing.I will keep praying and to and relying on God and Jesus Christ to help me clear my mind of these degrading images and help me to think pure and clean thoughts of my fellow men and to look at them as brothers in a spiritual sense and that the only real manly love that any man can give to other men is brotherly love and there is no substitute for that type of love as it is non-sexual,unselfish and best of all,can make any man feel like a man.I have to continually keep in mind that I am a male and that is the only identity that I am.I refuse to accept no other identity other than the identity of me being a human being and a male.Again,I willfully refuse to accept no other identity.I am a male.I am a human being and those are the only titles that I accept.I am going to continue praying to and relying on both God and Jesus Christ whenever this struggle seems to get too overwhelming and/or unbearable to go through.I am also asking for prayers by those who continue to follow my blog regularly.Please pray for me that I can get my mind cleared of all these disgusting and degrading sexual images of men.Thanks in advance for all the prayers and for all of your support through this difficult time.It is very much appreciated.
As for the weekend,I have no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after I was finished,I mailed out a few important letters for my mom.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still continues,though not much has improved.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster that goes with it.It is a very difficult road to be on and aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.But again,as I said before,I am still relying on God and Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them and after talking with them,I feel better.It seems that they are there to listen whenever the world around me won't listen.It is wonderful that I can talk about these things with God and his son Jesus Christ being there to listen.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation as it was yet another overwhelming one.I took it to God in prayer and as I was praying and asking God to strengthen me to resist this temptation to masturbate,the erection softened and after that,as usual,I went to use the bathroom as I had to use it.After that was done,I went back to sleep.Later on,while bathing,I stopped myself later on when I was manipulating my genitals while sexual images of men were clouding my mind.I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I prayed to ask God to forgive me for that and after that,I also felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can be very overwhelming at times and it very difficult to resist.But again,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever these come around and after throwing the temptation to act out on them,I feel better as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.I am learning on a daily basis that the struggle to do the right thing is never an easy one.It is easier to give into temptation and sin than it is to fight and resist the temptation.I will have to continue asking God for strength to help me continue to fight and resist any temptation that comes around.Without them,I would never have that strength.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my usual one on one study meeting with the pastor.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues moving forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had a few things planned.
After having lunch,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few things that were needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I forgot to pick up yesterday.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the groceries away in their proper places and I relaxed for a while.I also watched a DVD while doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery continues to go forward,I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.At times,it happens all on the same day.It is a very difficult thing to deal with and everything.Also,aside from the symptoms of BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.But still,no matter how difficult it might be,I am still continuing to rely on God more to help get me through all of this.With the help of God and his son Jesus Christ,I am not alone in my mental illness struggles and that is wonderful.I also appreciate the assistance that they provide and that is great.The process of having BPD,with schizophrenic tendencies on the side,is never an easy thing to deal with or even struggle with.But with the help and direction of both God and Christ,it makes it only a tad easier,but still difficult.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another throbbing erection.The urge to masturbate this away was very overwhelming.I had to use all of the strength that I had to resist this overwhelming urge.I did turn to God in prayer for strength to assist me in fighting and resisting this urge and as I talked about it,the erection started to soften and since I sensed that I had to use the bathroom,I simply got up and went to the bathroom and after using it,I simply went back to sleep.I wasn't out of it yet as later on,I was sitting in a chair and I started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded my mind.I did stop myself from this when I realized what was happening and immediately asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for that unclean and impure things.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always in the fight for my life against these evil,unnatural and impure sexual desires that I have,which I refuse to let dictate to me how and who I am as a person.While I may have SSA and I do struggle with these unnatural desires that I have that are relative to the condition,I simply refuse to let these unnatural desires that I have decide for me who I will be or what I will be.I am a male and that is all that I am.The body that I have is meant to be compatible with that of a female's body.I also have to keep in mind that God did not nor did he ever intend for sexuality to be used the way that the world outside the church is using it for.Though those so called "Gay" activists keep saying for many men to simply accept their sexual identity,which is counterfeit in and of itself,they will be okay and in the long run,they'll feel good about themselves.But that is not true at all.When I was active in that sinful sexual lifestyle known as the so called "Gay" lifestyle,I was miserable.I felt used and unwanted.Instead of getting love and acceptance,I was only asked to relieve other guys when they wanted relief.I indulged in a lot of the activity that it offered to please those other guys and while it did make me feel good for a while,the good feelings soon ended and I was back to where I was before I did the sexual act on them.I have found out on my own that true and real male love is extremely rare in that sinful sexual lifestyle as the only main emphasis is sex,sex and more sex.I am glad that I am out of that lifestyle and I never want to go back,though Satan and his minions want me to simply surrender to the unnatural desires that I have and simply indulge in all the sinful sexual pleasures that the so called "Gay" lifestyle offers,and that is my choice and decision.I am not going to let these unnatural desires that I have tell me how I should live my life.I am going to continue and have to rely on God and Jesus Christ more when these temptations try to get the worst of me and want me to sin against God.I have to continue doing that whenever that happens and I know that in the long run,I will feel better.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there and leading the way.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend and after that,lunch at a local kitchen.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some more money for my mom.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to check out if they had any wall phones for sale and how much they were.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,but I am still walking a very rough road at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is a very difficult thing to go through and it is never a pretty thing at all.I never know how my mood will be day after day.I can be up and feeling good one day,but the next day,down and not so good.Sometimes,it happens all on the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am also still going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to be going to the point of feeling unbearable.I simply talk to them in prayer about this and after that,I feel better.I simply turn to them and they help me in ways that nobody on Earth can.It is wonderful that I can rely on them for help and to be sustained through them in my mental health struggles.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation as it was keeping me from sleeping and only strengthened my urge to grab my genitals and masturbate them.I simply turned to God in prayer to help strengthen me to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation to masturbate and I kept talking until the urge and the erection were both dead.After that,I simply went to use the bathroom and after using it,I went back to sleep.Later on,as I was bathing,I started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men started to cloud my mind,but I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I simply asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and afterwards,I felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I am still keeping myself on guard and being watchful as these temptations to act out can rear their ugly heads when least expected.These temptations can be anything from masturbation when I get an erection in the wee early morning hours,to watch porn and at times,to masturbate while watching porn,to being tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or to manipulate my genitals for the purposes of getting them erect or near erect for the purposes of masturbation to sexual images of men and so forth.Regarding that temptation of going out to seek other men,I simply ignore that temptation by staying home and not feeding nor satisfying that particular temptation.The rest of those are a really big problem for me.As I stated before and I will state it again,I simply continue relying on God more to strengthen me when these temptations seem to feel too unbearable.I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help keep me strong when these urges come and after throwing them on God and his son Jesus Christ,I simply feel better and I can move on after that.If I do fall by giving into any temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me for the fall and after that,I can move on from there after being forgiven for the falling.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one,but with God's help through the help of his son Jesus Christ,I can accomplish anything and stay strong with them leading the way and sustaining me.Thanks again to both God and is son Jesus Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my building and improving self esteem group as I usually look forward to this each and every week.I headed over there with a lot of enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After the meeting,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things and after that,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money and after that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money at the Where's George site and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult.I still have my ups and downs and I try to deal with this on a one day at a time basis and all,but it is usually a very difficult thing to deal with.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more to handle this.When the struggle seems a little too unbearable to manage,I simply ask God and his son Jesus Christ to help me through the daily struggle and I do feel a little bit better.The struggle with BPD and schizophrenic tendencies is never an easy struggle,but with the help of God and Christ,it is only a tad easier.Thanks to both God and Christ for helping me and being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by yet another erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use everything that I had to fight and resist this temptation.I did turn to God and asked him for strength to resist this temptation and as I prayed,the erection softened and after that,as usual,I had to get up and use the bathroom as the erection died down as I was heading there.When I was finished,I simply went back to sleep.Though I did escape this episode,the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Like early this morning,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ to get me through any temptation.I simply take it to them in prayer and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil after I put it in their hands.I feel better and I can move along with the rest of the day and if it happens again before the day is through,I simply turn to both God and Christ again and I feel batter after doing so.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there and that I don't have to struggle alone as they are there to help me whenever I ask for it.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the morning worship service and the Holy Bible study class before it.I was looking forward to both of these with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to another store to pick up something that I forgotten over at the supermarket.After paying for that,I headed straight home as it was about to start storming any minute and I wanted to be home before the storm would hit.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work.After that,I had a light lunch and I popped a DVD in the DVD player while relaxing and taking it easy.Since we were in for a terrible rain storm,I stayed home for the rest of the day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading during the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church each and every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
My recovery continues to move forward,but I am still encountering some really rough terrain as I try to get through the day.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and I don't what my mood will be as I go through the days each week.It is a really rough road and not a very easy road to be on.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle starts to seem too unbearable for me to handle.It doesn't make it easier,but I do feel more at ease when I do talk to them about it.It also shows me that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This urge was a lot more overwhelming than previous urges.I talked to God and told him about the temptation and asked him for strength to fight and resist this temptation.As I prayed,the erection started to soften and I started to get up and use the bathroom and after I was done,I went back to sleep.Thanks to both God and Christ for helping me in escaping this episode as it does indeed work to pray hard when it comes.This also shows me that the next time that this temptation comes around,I can simply turn to them and throw it all on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It made me feel good that I was stronger thanks to both God and Christ.But I must say that I still get tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptation is never an easy thing to fight and resist.The temptation can take many forms,such as to look at porn,to masturbate to sexual images of men or to do that while watching the porn.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.That latter one is simply one that I choose not to do by simply staying home and not feeding nor satisfying that temptation.But the other temptations are my most difficult areas.Still,I continue to rely on God and Christ more whenever these temptations come and after I throw them on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,the temptation is reduced to nil and I am okay.If it happens again before the day is through,I take it to God in the name of Christ again.It is wonderful that I can rely on God and Christ more when I am being tempted and it makes me feel better knowing that they are there and are helping me by leading me away from temptations and sustaining me.If I do ever give into the temptations,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better as I am forgiven and I can go on with the rest of the day.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and leading me away from the evil unnatural desires of that sinful practice of sexual activity between two members of the same gender.
Tomorrow,I have an improving and building self esteem group that I must attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ