Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some more money for my mom.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to check out if they had any wall phones for sale and how much they were.After doing that,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at my insurance agent's office to pay my car insurance.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,but I am still walking a very rough road at that.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is a very difficult thing to go through and it is never a pretty thing at all.I never know how my mood will be day after day.I can be up and feeling good one day,but the next day,down and not so good.Sometimes,it happens all on the same day.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.I am also still going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever this struggle seems to be going to the point of feeling unbearable.I simply talk to them in prayer about this and after that,I feel better.I simply turn to them and they help me in ways that nobody on Earth can.It is wonderful that I can rely on them for help and to be sustained through them in my mental health struggles.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when yet another throbbing erection awakened me out of a deep sleep.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation as it was keeping me from sleeping and only strengthened my urge to grab my genitals and masturbate them.I simply turned to God in prayer to help strengthen me to fight and resist this overwhelming temptation to masturbate and I kept talking until the urge and the erection were both dead.After that,I simply went to use the bathroom and after using it,I went back to sleep.Later on,as I was bathing,I started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men started to cloud my mind,but I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I simply asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for sinning and afterwards,I felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I am still keeping myself on guard and being watchful as these temptations to act out can rear their ugly heads when least expected.These temptations can be anything from masturbation when I get an erection in the wee early morning hours,to watch porn and at times,to masturbate while watching porn,to being tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them or to manipulate my genitals for the purposes of getting them erect or near erect for the purposes of masturbation to sexual images of men and so forth.Regarding that temptation of going out to seek other men,I simply ignore that temptation by staying home and not feeding nor satisfying that particular temptation.The rest of those are a really big problem for me.As I stated before and I will state it again,I simply continue relying on God more to strengthen me when these temptations seem to feel too unbearable.I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to help keep me strong when these urges come and after throwing them on God and his son Jesus Christ,I simply feel better and I can move on after that.If I do fall by giving into any temptation,I simply ask God to forgive me for the fall and after that,I can move on from there after being forgiven for the falling.The struggle with SSA is never an easy one,but with God's help through the help of his son Jesus Christ,I can accomplish anything and stay strong with them leading the way and sustaining me.Thanks again to both God and is son Jesus Christ for that.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ