Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up in a suit and I headed for church for the morning worship service and the Holy Bible study class before it.I was looking forward to both of these with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
Both the class and the worship service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a few things.After paying for those items,I headed over to another store to pick up something that I forgotten over at the supermarket.After paying for that,I headed straight home as it was about to start storming any minute and I wanted to be home before the storm would hit.
When I got home,I did my personal PC work.After that,I had a light lunch and I popped a DVD in the DVD player while relaxing and taking it easy.Since we were in for a terrible rain storm,I stayed home for the rest of the day.I also managed to get some recommended Holy Bible reading during the day.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church each and every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
My recovery continues to move forward,but I am still encountering some really rough terrain as I try to get through the day.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and I don't what my mood will be as I go through the days each week.It is a really rough road and not a very easy road to be on.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle starts to seem too unbearable for me to handle.It doesn't make it easier,but I do feel more at ease when I do talk to them about it.It also shows me that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel a little bit better.Thanks to both God and Christ for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This urge was a lot more overwhelming than previous urges.I talked to God and told him about the temptation and asked him for strength to fight and resist this temptation.As I prayed,the erection started to soften and I started to get up and use the bathroom and after I was done,I went back to sleep.Thanks to both God and Christ for helping me in escaping this episode as it does indeed work to pray hard when it comes.This also shows me that the next time that this temptation comes around,I can simply turn to them and throw it all on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,the temptation is reduced to nil.It made me feel good that I was stronger thanks to both God and Christ.But I must say that I still get tempted to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and the temptation is never an easy thing to fight and resist.The temptation can take many forms,such as to look at porn,to masturbate to sexual images of men or to do that while watching the porn.I also still get tempted to go out and seek out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.That latter one is simply one that I choose not to do by simply staying home and not feeding nor satisfying that temptation.But the other temptations are my most difficult areas.Still,I continue to rely on God and Christ more whenever these temptations come and after I throw them on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ,the temptation is reduced to nil and I am okay.If it happens again before the day is through,I take it to God in the name of Christ again.It is wonderful that I can rely on God and Christ more when I am being tempted and it makes me feel better knowing that they are there and are helping me by leading me away from temptations and sustaining me.If I do ever give into the temptations,I simply ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me and I feel better as I am forgiven and I can go on with the rest of the day.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for being there and leading me away from the evil unnatural desires of that sinful practice of sexual activity between two members of the same gender.
Tomorrow,I have an improving and building self esteem group that I must attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ