Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to my usual Thursday morning Spirituality group.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group meeting went well.After it was over,I had lunch at a local kitchen and after I was finished,I mailed out a few important letters for my mom.After that was done,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a few more things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put all the groceries away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still continues,though not much has improved.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster that goes with it.It is a very difficult road to be on and aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.But again,as I said before,I am still relying on God and Christ whenever this struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle.I simply turn to them and after talking with them,I feel better.It seems that they are there to listen whenever the world around me won't listen.It is wonderful that I can talk about these things with God and his son Jesus Christ being there to listen.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.I had to really use all of my strength to resist this temptation as it was yet another overwhelming one.I took it to God in prayer and as I was praying and asking God to strengthen me to resist this temptation to masturbate,the erection softened and after that,as usual,I went to use the bathroom as I had to use it.After that was done,I went back to sleep.Later on,while bathing,I stopped myself later on when I was manipulating my genitals while sexual images of men were clouding my mind.I stopped myself and after I was finished bathing,I prayed to ask God to forgive me for that and after that,I also felt better.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It can be very overwhelming at times and it very difficult to resist.But again,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever these come around and after throwing the temptation to act out on them,I feel better as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.I am learning on a daily basis that the struggle to do the right thing is never an easy one.It is easier to give into temptation and sin than it is to fight and resist the temptation.I will have to continue asking God for strength to help me continue to fight and resist any temptation that comes around.Without them,I would never have that strength.Thanks to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have my usual one on one study meeting with the pastor.Aside from that,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ