Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had some important stuff planned.
The main thing on my agenda was getting my laundry done.I was originally planning to do it tomorrow,but with the high possibility of a terrible rain storm coming,I decided to do my laundry today.I got all of my clothes ready to do it and after putting my laundry bags in the car,I headed over there.
On the way there,I had to make a few stops.I first stopped at a local closeout bargain outlet store to see if they had some laundry detergent.After buying a bottle,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those items,I headed over to the local Sears to pay my monthly credit card bill.After that was paid,I headed for the laundromat to get my laundry done.
When I arrived at the laundromat,I immediately found a washer to use and started my laundry that minute.After it was done in the washer,I dried all of it and folded everything and bagged it all.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,I am still battling the symptoms of BPD on a daily basis and that is a very difficult thing to struggle with.I am still having to contend with the emotional roller coaster rode that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or if I will be feeling down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes it even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am continuing to take my medication as directed.I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggle seems way too difficult to handle.I will simply turn to them and after that,it is in their hands and everything is good.I will have to remember to continue doing that more whenever it seems that I am at the end of my road.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was a really overwhelming urge that I was going through and I was really fighting to resist this urge.After failing late Thursday night,I wanted to try and stay strong for this one.I simply went to God and told him about the urge and as I was talking to God,the erection started to soften and I simply got up to use the bathroom.After finishing in there,I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it might be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually be on my guard and also,to continue to ask God and his son Jesus Christ for strength to resist the urges.I now know that the more that I rely on God and Christ,the more that I can escape any temptation.I simply turn to them,talk about the temptation to them and after that,it is gone and in their hands.I will keep relying on God and Christ more as I will never be able to fight and resist these urges on my own without them.Thanks again to both God and Christ for that.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual.For the rest of the day,since there is high possibility of a terrible rain storm,I am just going to stay home and take it easy and possibly watch a movie that I will pop in the DVD player.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few small things to do today.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself and after that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I had withdrawn and after that was done,I headed back out again to go to the post office to mail out a couple of important things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still continuing my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.The battle gets even more difficult each and every day.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and also,hearing sounds and things that nobody else hears.It is a very difficult struggle and at times,it does feel unbearable.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am still continuing to take my medication as directed.But I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more to get me through all of this.The recovery from any sort of mental illness is a difficult one,but with God and Christ leading the way,it does make it more manageable.Whenever this struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle,I simply turn to both God and Christ and they simply help me to feel better.Thanks to both of them for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.I have fallen after a few weeks of not doing that and simply fighting the urge,but this time,the urge got to me and I gave in.I have had so much on my plate as of late with my mom not feeling good and also,everything else that has been consuming my life lately,with much of it being personal.At times,sexual images of men cloud up my mind and that also makes me fail at times.After the fall,I felt miserable and also,unworthy.I took a few deep breaths after the fall and before I went to sleep,I asked God to forgive me for my fall in the name of son Jesus Christ as it was a sin that I committed by falling and giving into that terrible unclean and unsanitary habit known as masturbation.I even ask myself at times if there is something that I am doing wrong as to why I am failing.Though I have been forgiven for this fall and I am moving on,I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as these temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is never an easy thing to fight and resist,as I have learned again last night,but the temptations will keep coming back.I know that I should have relied on God and Christ to strengthen me when the temptation came around,but I wound up giving in and I accept full and total responsibility for that fall.From now on in,I will simply turn to God and Christ in prayer whenever these overwhelming urges are starting to really overtake me.I will have to ask God for strength to resist as I really don't want to act out in any way,shape or form anymore.I am still open to anything that has worked for anyone out there who has had the same problem.I am also asking for prayers by those who read my blog regularly so I can keep going.Thanks in advance for anything offered.Again,the next time temptation starts to really try and overtake me,I will have to turn to God and Christ for strength to help me fight and resist any temptations when they come around.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to my spirituality group and it was very enlightening.I got a lot out of this and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen for some lunch and after eating,I visited with a friend for a while to see how he was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,but the road can be rocky at times.On a daily basis,I am dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle can be a really difficult one.At times,I am on an emotional roller coaster ride and that really makes it tough.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.While the recovery process can be difficult,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the process seems to be going out of control.I simply talk to them about it all and after that,I feel better.If it happens again,I talk to them about it again.It doesn't make it any easier,but I feel more at ease when I do that.It is simply telling both God and Christ how I am feeling at that present moment and after that,I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.When I started to get up,the erection started to soften and as I sat up for a while,the erection had died and I simply went back to sleep.Later on,I was again tempted when I started to grab my genitals to manipulate them to get erect or near erect,but I stopped myself when I was nearing orgasm.It is just that I have psychological erectile dysfunction where I get erections in the wee early morning hours and I don't get them throughout the day as a result of the rigorous religious teaching,legalism,the sexual abuse that I endured at the hands of those who used and abused me for their own pleasure and by constantly being at war between Heterosexual and Homosexual impulses.It is just a terrible thing to go through with the SSA that I struggle with being the worst of it.I did pray to God through his son Jesus Christ to ask for forgiveness and after that,I felt better.Though I did escape these episodes,I am still in a continuous battle with the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and sometimes,the battle gets even more difficult by the day.I am always tempted to act out in many ways,but it is very difficult to resist those temptations and at times,it can feel pretty unbearable.But again,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when I am tempted rather than rely on my own strength.If I rely more on my own,I will get nowhere and I will be giving into temptations each and every time.I rely on God and Christ and they help sustain me.I fell better and when I do throw the temptation on God and ask God to help me get through the temptations in the name of Jesus Christ,I feel better after praying.It is wonderful to see that I am not alone in my fight and that makes me feel,as stated,wonderful.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
As for tomorrow,since I won't be meeting with the pastor this week,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
Today,I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I first went to the drug store to pick up my mom's prescription.After paying for that,I dropped it off at home and decided to get ready for my late afternoon appointment with the doctor to see what the verdict was regarding the blood work that was done a few weeks ago.
The results were very favorable as they said that everything was okay.After that visit with the doctor,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and watched a little TV.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues,I am still having to deal and struggle with the symptoms of BPD and it is never an easy one.I still have to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory.Sometimes,I wish that I didn't have too be on this emotional roller coaster ride nor even struggle with BPD.I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the recovery even more difficult.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.While struggling with mental illness is difficult,I still rely on God whenever the struggle seems unbearable and seems impossible to handle.With God's help and his son Jesus Christ helping along,I have nothing to worry about nor fear.I simply talk to them whenever the struggle might be getting worse and after that,I feel better.With them,everything is possible and though it doesn't make it easier,it makes it more manageable.The more I rely on God and Christ,the better that I feel.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.It was yet another overwhelming urge at that.I simply got up and when I did,the erection softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Later on,I also started to manipulate my genitals while sexual images of men clouded out my mind,but I stopped myself before it went too far.Though I escaped these episodes,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful.I did ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for what I did later on and I felt better.I also still have to remember to rely on God and Christ more whenever these temptations seem overwhelming and almost out of control.Whenever temptation comes throughout the day,I simply throw it on God and Christ and talk about it and after that,I feel better.With God and Christ,all things are possible.I simply have to keep relying on them and everything will go well.Thanks again to both God and Christ for all of their help.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I must attend.After that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though a little rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I really didn't have too much to do today.I simply went out to the public library to print an article that I wanted to read during my spare time and after that,I visited a friend to see how they were doing and after a few minutes with them.I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues,it was a rocky road today.My struggle with BPD wasn't the way it could have gone.I was feeling up and good for a while,but later,I was feeling down and not so good.I am hanging in there and staying with the flow of things.I am still also putting up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and though it does contribute to the difficulty of putting up with the symptoms of BPD,I try not to make it worse by simply trying to stay occupied and busy.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am also continuing taking my medication as directed.I am also still relying on God whenever the struggle seems to get too unbearable.I ask God in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,I have nothing to worry about as they sustain me whenever I talk about this with them.I do feel better and when I finish talking with them,it is more manageable and I feel more at ease.I am going to continue relying on God and Christ more often because if I don't,I am lost as I can't function without them.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge and I really had to use everything that I had to fight and resist this.I simply got up and when I did,the erection softened and when I did die down,I went back to sleep.But I wasn't out of the woods yet as I was tempted twice more and I had to stop myself when that happened.I twice gave into the temptation to manipulate my genitals twice during the morning for the purpose of getting them hard or near hard for the purpose of masturbation and also,sexual images of men were clouding my mind at the same time.I had to stop myself on both of these accounts and asked God in the name of his son Jesus Christ to forgive me for doing both of those unclean and impure things that I did.Though I did escape these episodes and believe that I am forgiven,I am still dealing with the temptations to act out in many different ways without doing the ultimate of seeking out other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them.I don't want to do that as that will never give me the fulfillment that I truly and desperately need,which is the affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also need to be around my fellow men a lot more and establish close friendships with them that can lead to bonding and healthy and authentic connecting with them,which is the best way to help me feel like a man and feel the way that a man is supposed to feel.I will keep relying on God and Christ more when I get tempted in the near future and I want to have my mind be totally free of lustful and sexual thoughts of men and keep a pure and clean mind.I want to think of pure,wholesome and clean thoughts about my fellow men and view them the way that a man is supposed to view them,which is as brothers in a spiritual sense as all of men are brothers to each other.I keep asking God and Christ to continue leading the way for me and to help get me out of situations that can lead to any traps along the way.Thanks again to God and Christ.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment to meet with my general doctor about the results of my recent blood work.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I had to go to an improving and building self esteem group that I usually attend every Monday.I went there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very difficult road that I am on as a result of me struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.It is never an easy thing for me to deal with and at times,it seems to get worse instead of better.Aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still also going to continue to rely on God more than anything.When I do rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more,it only makes it a tad easier,but it is still difficult.Whenever the struggle seems unbearable,I simply throw it all on God more and rely on him and his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.It isn't easy struggling with mental illness,but relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more makes it more manageable and also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours twice when I was awakened by erections out of a deep sleep at two separate intervals.I really had to fight both of these temptations as they were both really overwhelming and also,they were also throbbing erections at the same time.I had to really get up and walk until the erections died down at those separate intervals.I simply went back to sleep on both of these occasions.Though I escaped this double whammy,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always stay on guard and be watchful as I never know when those nasty temptations will emerge.It is never an easy thing to resist,but I have to try and stay strong as it is sinful to act out on these unnatural desires as God never intended sexuality to be like that.Still,I am relying on God more when this struggle also seems to be unbearable.When I rely on God and his son Jesus Christ,it makes me feel better because as with my mental illness struggles,I know that I am not alone with them leading the way and guiding me.Whenever temptation comes around,I simply take it to God and his son Jesus Christ by talking about it and after that,the temptation is only a memory and forgotten.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all that they provide.Without them,I wouldn't be where I am at today.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do.I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ

Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and headed for the church for the morning worship service,which was held outdoors today.
The service was terrific.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church each and every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still having to daily deal and struggle with BPD and the symptoms that go with it,including the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle even more difficult.At times,it may seem to feel unbearable.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggles may seem unbearable.It doesn't make the struggle easier,but it does lighten the load a little.It isn't easy struggling with any mental illness,but with God and Christ's help and them leading the way,I have really nothing to worry about and I simply turn to them in prayer whenever it does seem to be out of control as God and Christ makes me feel more at ease.It is great that I don't have to struggle alone or fear anything negative.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of deep sleep.This was a really very overwhelming urge and it felt almost impossible to resist as it was the strongest temptation to masturbate that I had in a long time.But again,I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and I simply got up to walk around and the erection was soon dead and I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what type it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I only refer to them as "these unnatural desires that I have" because my desires don't define me as a man,a male nor as a human being.I am a member of the male sex and my body is biologically hard wired to be compatible with that of a female's body.God never intended for men to have unnatural sexual activity with other men as God made man and also made woman.It isn't the way that God intended sexuality to be.Whenever the temptations seem too impossible to resist,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more because without them,the healing process is incomplete and impossible.With God and his son Jesus Christ alongside him,all things are possible.Anyone,such as myself,can heal from unwanted sexual desires associated with Homosexuality if they really want to heal as it is possible for anyone,male or female,to not only heal,but to also change from Homosexual to Heterosexual or to simply become the man or the woman that God intended them to be and wants them to be.It is a difficult struggle,but it can be accomplished.I know that I will always be in the healing process and I know that I do have the choice whether to act out or not,but I am assured that God and Jesus Christ are there to guide me along and to help me heal and also,to strengthen me,when I ask to be strengthened,in my resistance to temptation.Thanks again to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have an improving and building self esteem group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ