Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a few small things to do today.I first went to the bank to withdraw some money for my mom and myself and after that,I went to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for those,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I registered all the money that I had withdrawn and after that was done,I headed back out again to go to the post office to mail out a couple of important things.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and I popped a DVD into the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to go forward,I am still continuing my daily battle against the symptoms of BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have.The battle gets even more difficult each and every day.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD and also,hearing sounds and things that nobody else hears.It is a very difficult struggle and at times,it does feel unbearable.I am still continuing my therapy sessions and I am still continuing to take my medication as directed.But I am also still relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more to get me through all of this.The recovery from any sort of mental illness is a difficult one,but with God and Christ leading the way,it does make it more manageable.Whenever this struggle seems to be getting too unbearable to handle,I simply turn to both God and Christ and they simply help me to feel better.Thanks to both of them for that.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation late last night when I masturbated.I have fallen after a few weeks of not doing that and simply fighting the urge,but this time,the urge got to me and I gave in.I have had so much on my plate as of late with my mom not feeling good and also,everything else that has been consuming my life lately,with much of it being personal.At times,sexual images of men cloud up my mind and that also makes me fail at times.After the fall,I felt miserable and also,unworthy.I took a few deep breaths after the fall and before I went to sleep,I asked God to forgive me for my fall in the name of son Jesus Christ as it was a sin that I committed by falling and giving into that terrible unclean and unsanitary habit known as masturbation.I even ask myself at times if there is something that I am doing wrong as to why I am failing.Though I have been forgiven for this fall and I am moving on,I have to continually stay on guard and be watchful as these temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is never an easy thing to fight and resist,as I have learned again last night,but the temptations will keep coming back.I know that I should have relied on God and Christ to strengthen me when the temptation came around,but I wound up giving in and I accept full and total responsibility for that fall.From now on in,I will simply turn to God and Christ in prayer whenever these overwhelming urges are starting to really overtake me.I will have to ask God for strength to resist as I really don't want to act out in any way,shape or form anymore.I am still open to anything that has worked for anyone out there who has had the same problem.I am also asking for prayers by those who read my blog regularly so I can keep going.Thanks in advance for anything offered.Again,the next time temptation starts to really try and overtake me,I will have to turn to God and Christ for strength to help me fight and resist any temptations when they come around.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the weekend ahead.FJ