Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up and headed for the church for the morning worship service,which was held outdoors today.
The service was terrific.After some wonderful fellowship,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my dress clothes and did my personal PC work.After that was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD into the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.For me,going to church each and every Sunday always makes the day eventful.
While my recovery continues to move forward,I am still having to daily deal and struggle with BPD and the symptoms that go with it,including the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I also have schizophrenic tendencies,which makes the struggle even more difficult.At times,it may seem to feel unbearable.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and continue to take my medication as directed.I am also going to continue relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more whenever the struggles may seem unbearable.It doesn't make the struggle easier,but it does lighten the load a little.It isn't easy struggling with any mental illness,but with God and Christ's help and them leading the way,I have really nothing to worry about and I simply turn to them in prayer whenever it does seem to be out of control as God and Christ makes me feel more at ease.It is great that I don't have to struggle alone or fear anything negative.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when another throbbing erection woke me up out of deep sleep.This was a really very overwhelming urge and it felt almost impossible to resist as it was the strongest temptation to masturbate that I had in a long time.But again,I simply started to get up and when I did,the erection started to soften and I simply got up to walk around and the erection was soon dead and I simply went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what type it can be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I only refer to them as "these unnatural desires that I have" because my desires don't define me as a man,a male nor as a human being.I am a member of the male sex and my body is biologically hard wired to be compatible with that of a female's body.God never intended for men to have unnatural sexual activity with other men as God made man and also made woman.It isn't the way that God intended sexuality to be.Whenever the temptations seem too impossible to resist,I simply rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more because without them,the healing process is incomplete and impossible.With God and his son Jesus Christ alongside him,all things are possible.Anyone,such as myself,can heal from unwanted sexual desires associated with Homosexuality if they really want to heal as it is possible for anyone,male or female,to not only heal,but to also change from Homosexual to Heterosexual or to simply become the man or the woman that God intended them to be and wants them to be.It is a difficult struggle,but it can be accomplished.I know that I will always be in the healing process and I know that I do have the choice whether to act out or not,but I am assured that God and Jesus Christ are there to guide me along and to help me heal and also,to strengthen me,when I ask to be strengthened,in my resistance to temptation.Thanks again to both God and Christ for everything.
Tomorrow,I have an improving and building self esteem group that I need to attend.As for the rest of the day,I have made no plans.But I am hoping that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ