Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day.
I first went to the local K-Mart to pick up something that I really needed.After paying for those items,I headed over to the drug store to pick up my prescription for my medication that I take nightly.After paying the co-pay on that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put everything away and I relaxed while watching a DVD that I popped in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my road to recovery moves forward,I am still,on a day to day basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle is never an easy one.I am usually on an emotional roller coaster ride and that ride can always be a constant stress for me.The struggle is even more difficult with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and I wish that I didn't have them at all.I am still attending my therapy sessions and I am still taking my medication as directed.While the struggle with BPD and schizophrenic tendencies is never an easy one,I am still relying on God more than myself.Whenever the struggle with BPD and the schizophrenic tendencies that I have gets seemingly unbearable,I simply talk to God and his son Jesus Christ about it and I feel much better.It also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that really reassures me that I never have to suffer alone.It isn't easy coping with mental illness,but God and Christ both make it bearable and when it seems to be going worse,I simply throw it on them and I feel better.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted in the wee early morning hours to masturbate when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.This urge was a really overwhelming one indeed and I really had to use all the strength that I had to fight and resist this temptation.I started to get up and when I sat up,the erection started to soften and when I got up to walk,the erection fully softened and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I am always having to stay on guard and be watchful,as I never know when those temptations will come around.Still,while the fight to resist the unnatural desires associated with Homosexuality/SSA is never an easy one,but relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more eases the struggle a little.Whenever the temptation seems to be too overwhelming for me,I simply throw it on God in the name of his son Jesus Christ by talking about the temptation and I feel better after doing so.Likewise with my mental illness struggles,I simply rely on God and Christ more than my own strength and I feel better.Once I talk about the temptation with them and really let it all out,I feel better and it isn't very overwhelming anymore as it now forgotten once God and Christ take the lead.Thanks again to both God and Christ for being there in my struggles with Homosexuality/SSA.
Tomorrow morning,it is church as usual.As for the rest of the day,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ