Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of my day as I had only a few things planned.
I had an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor later in the day and I was looking forward to this session with her.I had an assignment done and I was going to bring it with me for us to discuss.Firstly,I went to a local supermarket to get my mom something that she wanted.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put what I had to buy away in the fridge and I got ready for my appointment.
The session went well.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local K-Mart to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and did a little bit more on my computer.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to go forward,but it is still a very difficult road.Then again,it is never easy dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.It is never an easy thing to put up with and it gets tougher by the day.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I am still in therapy and I still take my medication as directed,but it still really doesn't make it any easier.When the struggle seems to be unbearable,I rely on God and his son Jesus Christ when it seems that way.I just talk about it with God and his son Jesus Christ and they help me in my struggles.It doesn't make it easier,but it makes it more manageable and also,it isn't really as difficult if I were to go it alone.I am also glad that I really don't have to go it alone and that is good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate three times in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened out of a deep sleep by erections at three separate intervals,with the third one being the worst.With the first two,I had to get up and use the bathroom on both of these occurrences and I simply went back to sleep as the erections died down as I was doing these things.The third one was worse than the other two as it was accompanied by sexual images of men clouding my mind, and I also started having flashbacks of my past acting outs with other men indulging in that sinful sexual activity.I really had to fight this as I almost gave into that temptation by grabbing my genitals,but managed to let go before I even started to masturbate it away.I really had to fight this terrible urge and use all the strength that I could muster to fight and resist this urge.After a few minutes,the erection softened and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this triple whammy,I have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.It is never easy to fight the urge to give into this temptation and it gets even more difficult each time the more that I keep fighting and resisting the temptation.It is much easier to give into the temptation and indulge in sin,than it is to fight and resist the temptation.I simply have to keep relying on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the urge seems way too strong for me to handle.I just throw it on them and they take the lead.When I do,I feel much better and it it forgotten after that and if it happens again,I simply throw it on God through his son Jesus Christ's name again and I again feel better.It is never easy to fight and resist these urges,but with God and his son Jesus Christ leading the way,it shows that I don't have to act out nor give into any temptations.I simply rely on them and it is all over and done with when I do.Thanks again to God and his son Jesus Christ for all they do/
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ