Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did 3/4 of my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had an improving self esteem group that I needed to attend.I was looking forward to this group with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.I headed over there.On the way,I stopped at the bank to withdraw some money for my mom.
The group meeting was wonderful.After it was over and some talk with the leader,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a couple 1/2 gallons of orange juice.After paying for them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I put the orange juice away and I finished my personal PC work.After that,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player to watch while relaxing.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues unabated,I am still having to deal with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never an easy thing to struggle with and I am always in a continuous loop the loop when it comes to that.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.Though it is a difficult thing to deal with,I still have God and his son Jesus Christ to rely on whenever it seems to become unbearable.It is never easy having any mental illness,but the struggle is a little lighter when God and Christ take control.I have to keep relying on them whenever it seems to difficult to handle or when it seems to go out of control.The more I keep doing that,the much better that I feel.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate twice during the wee early morning hours when I was awakened at two separate intervals in the wee early morning.These were both very overwhelming urges that I was having and I really had to fight to resist the temptation to give into both of these urges.With the first one,I simply got up and walked and as I did this,the erection softened and after I used the bathroom,which was the main reason why I got up in the first place,I simply laid back down and went back to sleep.With the second one,I simply tossed and turned hoping that it would soften as I didn't want to sin.It died down and I went back to sleep.Though I did escape these episodes,I still have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,which can take any form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to keep in mind that the temptation to sin can come whenever it is least expected to come.But again,when it happens,I relay on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever this happens.I simply ask them to help strengthen me when it comes and I feel better.If I were to give into the urge,I simply ask God to forgive me in the name of his son Jesus Christ and after that,it is forgotten and I can move on.Thanks to God and his son Jesus Christ for taking the lead and for getting me through all of that.It is wonderful that I am not alone in my fight.
Tomorrow,I have an appointment with my sexual abuse support counselor.As for the rest of the day,I have no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ