Tonight,my road to recovery continues to move forward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed to proceed with the rest of the day.
I had only a couple of things on my agenda.I had to go to an improving and building self esteem group that I usually attend every Monday.I went there with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The group was wonderful.After it was over,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that I needed.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
While my recovery continues to move forward,it is still a very difficult road that I am on as a result of me struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.It is never an easy thing for me to deal with and at times,it seems to get worse instead of better.Aside from BPD,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle even more difficult.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am still also going to continue to rely on God more than anything.When I do rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more,it only makes it a tad easier,but it is still difficult.Whenever the struggle seems unbearable,I simply throw it all on God more and rely on him and his son Jesus Christ and they help sustain me.It isn't easy struggling with mental illness,but relying on God and his son Jesus Christ more makes it more manageable and also shows that I am not alone in my struggle and that makes me feel good.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours twice when I was awakened by erections out of a deep sleep at two separate intervals.I really had to fight both of these temptations as they were both really overwhelming and also,they were also throbbing erections at the same time.I had to really get up and walk until the erections died down at those separate intervals.I simply went back to sleep on both of these occasions.Though I escaped this double whammy,I have to continually keep in mind that the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires,no matter what form it may be,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to always stay on guard and be watchful as I never know when those nasty temptations will emerge.It is never an easy thing to resist,but I have to try and stay strong as it is sinful to act out on these unnatural desires as God never intended sexuality to be like that.Still,I am relying on God more when this struggle also seems to be unbearable.When I rely on God and his son Jesus Christ,it makes me feel better because as with my mental illness struggles,I know that I am not alone with them leading the way and guiding me.Whenever temptation comes around,I simply take it to God and his son Jesus Christ by talking about it and after that,the temptation is only a memory and forgotten.Thanks again to both God and his son Jesus Christ for all that they provide.Without them,I wouldn't be where I am at today.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do.I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ