Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had only a few things planned.
I first went to my spirituality group and it was very enlightening.I got a lot out of this and after it was over,I headed over to a community kitchen for some lunch and after eating,I visited with a friend for a while to see how he was doing.After a few minutes with him,I headed over to a local supermarket to pick up a couple of things.After paying for them,I headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that was done,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues to move forward,but the road can be rocky at times.On a daily basis,I am dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD and the struggle can be a really difficult one.At times,I am on an emotional roller coaster ride and that really makes it tough.I don't know if I will be up and feeling good or down and not so good.I also have schizophrenic tendencies alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.I am still going to continue my therapy sessions and I am going to continue taking my medication as directed.While the recovery process can be difficult,I am still going to continue to rely on God and his son Jesus Christ whenever the process seems to be going out of control.I simply talk to them about it all and after that,I feel better.If it happens again,I talk to them about it again.It doesn't make it any easier,but I feel more at ease when I do that.It is simply telling both God and Christ how I am feeling at that present moment and after that,I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.Thanks to both God and Christ for being there.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was once again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another throbbing erection.This was yet another overwhelming urge.I really had to use all of my strength to fight and resist this temptation.When I started to get up,the erection started to soften and as I sat up for a while,the erection had died and I simply went back to sleep.Later on,I was again tempted when I started to grab my genitals to manipulate them to get erect or near erect,but I stopped myself when I was nearing orgasm.It is just that I have psychological erectile dysfunction where I get erections in the wee early morning hours and I don't get them throughout the day as a result of the rigorous religious teaching,legalism,the sexual abuse that I endured at the hands of those who used and abused me for their own pleasure and by constantly being at war between Heterosexual and Homosexual impulses.It is just a terrible thing to go through with the SSA that I struggle with being the worst of it.I did pray to God through his son Jesus Christ to ask for forgiveness and after that,I felt better.Though I did escape these episodes,I am still in a continuous battle with the temptations to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and sometimes,the battle gets even more difficult by the day.I am always tempted to act out in many ways,but it is very difficult to resist those temptations and at times,it can feel pretty unbearable.But again,I still rely on God and his son Jesus Christ more when I am tempted rather than rely on my own strength.If I rely more on my own,I will get nowhere and I will be giving into temptations each and every time.I rely on God and Christ and they help sustain me.I fell better and when I do throw the temptation on God and ask God to help me get through the temptations in the name of Jesus Christ,I feel better after praying.It is wonderful to see that I am not alone in my fight and that makes me feel,as stated,wonderful.Thanks again to both God and Christ.
As for tomorrow,since I won't be meeting with the pastor this week,I have no plans.But I hope that whatever I choose to do gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ