Tonight,my road to recovery continues unabated.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had a lot planned.
I first went to the bank to withdraw some money and after dropping the money off at home,I headed over to the laundromat to do my laundry.
When I got there,I immediately found a machine that nobody was using and I started my load immediately.After it was done in the washing machine,I tossed it all in a couple of dryers and after they were all dry,I folded and bagged everything.I headed for home afterwards.
On the way home,I stopped at the drug store to drop off a couple of prescriptions and to get my mom some chewable baby aspirin.After paying for that,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I sorted out my laundry and relaxed for a while after doing so.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
Though my recovery continues unabated,I am still,on a daily basis,dealing and struggling with the symptoms of bipolar depression with schizophrenic tendencies.I am still attending my therapy sessions.I am also taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery starts to improve very soon.I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride for quite a while and I am hoping to see some progress in this.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections at two separate intervals in the wee early morning hours.I had to really fight both of these temptations as they were really strong and overwhelming.I had to really toss and turn during the first occurrence as it was another throbbing erection and fell back asleep when it died down.The second time,I had to get up and use the bathroom so it died down as I was heading for the bathroom.Though I escaped these two episodes,I have to continue to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form,other than seeking a male partner to act out with,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to work on all my strength and work to try and stay stronger when the temptation rolls around and tries to consume me.I have to continue to keep in mind that masturbation will never get me what I really need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that come with that affirmation.I also have to keep in mind that acting out in any way,shape or form will also never get me what I am really in need of and want.Acting out,whether it is by masturbation or any other way,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity that I am trying to overcome and disown,because I don't want to be a Homosexual man.I want to be the man that God intended me to be,which is a healthy and happy Heterosexual.I also have to keep in mind that I have to continually seek God and his son Jesus Christ first and the kingdom of God before all else and everything will fall into place.Again,I am still open to any advice and/or suggestions to anyone out there who has been reading and following every word that I post here.Thanks.
As for tomorrow,I have no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ