Tonight,my road to recovery continues,though the road is still a rough and rocky one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After that,I got dressed and I headed over to my Men's Network meeting and I was having high hopes for this and was looking forward to the meeting with a lot of positive anticipation and enthusiasm.
The meeting was wonderful.I got an awful lot out of this meeting and I headed straight home after the meeting was over.We won't be meeting again until September.
When I got home,I changed into a pair of sweatpants and settled into doing my personal PC work.After that was done,I decided to do some much needed homework for my Holy Bible study class tomorrow before the morning's worship service.
It only took me a few minutes,but I got my homework done.After it was done,I relaxed and popped a DVD in the DVD player.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading afterwards.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery moves onward,but the road is still a very rough and rocky one.Then again,it is how it is when one,such as myself,is struggling with BPD.Day after day,I am on a constant emotional roller coaster ride.I don't know if my mood will be up or if my mood will be down.It also at times occurs on the same day where I can be up one minute and down the next minute.It is a really constant struggle emotions wise as I am going from day to day.Aside from BPD,I also put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have and that makes my BPD struggle even tougher.It also makes my struggles with SSA even more difficult.Though the vast majority of the mental health professionals still hold onto their opinions about Homosexuality/SSA,I am still going to attend my therapy sessions and continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will feel good for a long time to come.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by yet another erection that was also another throbbing one.It was also a very overwhelming urge that really enveloped my entire body.I had to really fight this temptation.I tried to toss and turn,but it didn't work.I was also breathing very heavily as it was a painful feeling that I was feeling and I didn't want to give into the temptation to masturbate.I simply got up and walked to the bathroom and when I was heading for there,the erection died down and after I used the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this current episode,I am still staying on guard and being watchful as the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I have to constantly stay on guard and be watchful as that temptation can come and then,I have to try and use all of my strength to resist the temptation.I still get tempted every day to go out and seek out men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I always decide to stay home and not feed nor satisfy that sort of temptation.I have to constantly keep in mind that acting out on these unnatural desires that I have,no matter what form of acting out it is,will never give me the positive fulfillment that I so desperately need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with that affirmation.I also have to constantly keep in mind that God never intended for sexuality to be used and abused the way that world today is using it.God never intended for any of us to be Homosexual as he created man and woman for a reason.God's creation of man and woman firmly shows that God only approved of healthy and happy Heterosexuality and that is what God intended for sexuality to be.No questions asked.No if's,and's or but's.No substitutions.Fellow readers and followers,I am always seeking guidance and advice on how I can continually resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have and I am always in desperate need for it.If anyone who follows or reads drops by,please offer some suggestions and/or some words of encouragement to keep me going.Please do that as I would really appreciate that.Thanks in advance for doing so.
Tomorrow,it will be church as usual and also,the morning's Holy Bible study class an hour and a half before the worship service.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ