Tonight,my road to recovery continues onward,though the road is still a rough one.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and also,I drank a couple more cups of herbal Echinacea tea as I am still battling cold symptoms.I got dressed and proceeded to get on with the rest of my day.
Since I am battling cold symptoms,I chose not to go to my usual Monday afternoon group as I didn't want nobody to catch this.As a result of that,I simply did what I had to do.I first went to pay my car insurance.After that was paid,I went to the bank to withdraw some more money.After that was done,I headed over to the local K-Mart to pick up a few things.After paying for them,I went to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up a few more things.After paying for those items,I headed straight home and stayed there for the rest of the day to take care of my cold.I did make an appointment with the doctor for Wednesday afternoon just in case I would be still feeling ill.
When I got home,I started to brew a couple more cups of Echinacea tea and I relaxed while watching a movie.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My road to recovery continues moving forward,but the road is still a rough one indeed.I am still dealing and struggling with the symptoms of BPD.I am still continuing to put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be feeling down.I also have to put up with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD and that makes it even more difficult.It also doesn't make my SSA struggles any easier at all.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will still continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will start to improve and I will be feeling good for a long while instead of this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into that dreaded temptation to masturbate late last night.I really felt bad after giving into that terrible temptation.I also was tempted to masturbate again in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by an erection that was also another throbbing one.I had to get up and use the bathroom,so I got up and walked to the bathroom and the erection softened and after using it,I went back to sleep.I really need to work on trying to stay strong in the face of temptation whenever the temptation to act out in any way,shape or form rears it's ugly head when least expected.I don't want to masturbate anymore.It only reinforces the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to escape and distance myself from.I also don't want to find other men sexually attractive anymore and I don't want to be a Homosexual anymore.I want to be the man that God intended me to be and to find joy and happiness with my true gender identity,which is male.I want to be free and I want to become what God wants me to be.I still get tempted every day to go out and seek out male partners for the purpose of indulging in sexual activity with them,but as I said before and I will say again,I have willfully chosen not to feed nor satisfy that temptation as acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly need and want.Again,I am going to ask for any suggestions or advice as to how I can gain strength to resist the temptation to act out by masturbation and I also need to know how I can contain that terrible,impure and unclean habit for good.Thanks in advance for any answers.
As for tomorrow,I have made no plans.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my plans for the day ahead.FJ