Tonight,my road to recovery continues to go forward,though the road is still a rough and rocky one at that.I had a very good and eventful day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed quickly.After the bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I got dressed up quickly and I headed over to the church for both the Holy Bible study class and the worship service afterwards.
Both the class and the service were wonderful.After some wonderful fellowship with everyone afterwards,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a store to pick up something.After paying for it,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I got out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants.I also heated up a cup of Echinacea tea and drank it during a break from the PC work.I started to brew another cup of tea after that and drank it after I was done with my personal PC work.
After my personal work was done,I got all of my dirty clothes together so I could take them to the laundromat to get them cleaned up.After putting everything in the car,I headed for the place.
On the way there,I made a couple of stops.I stopped at a local convenience store to pick up something to drink.After that,I headed over to a local Chinese restaurant to pick up a hot bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup and a couple of egg rols.After paying for them,I headed straight to the laundromat.
When I got to the laundromat,I put all of my dirty clothes in a washer and relaxed while waiting for them to get clean.I had my lunch while waiting for them to get clean
After about 45 minutes,my clothes were ready to be put inside a couple of dryers to get dried.After a little over 1/2 an hour,I pulled them out and folded them up and bagged them.After bagging them,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I unbagged the laundry and put it all in it's proper place.After that,I made another cup of Echinacea tea and relaxed while drinking it.I also made another one before eating.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a very good and eventful day.
My recovery still continues to move forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.Then again,when somebody,like myself,struggles with BPD,the road is usually a rough and rocky one indeed.I have to continually put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.It is never easy dealing and struggling with this.Aside from BPD,I also have struggles with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the BPD.It also doesn't make my struggles with Homosexuality and easier at all.I will continue my therapy sessions.I will also continue taking my medication as directed.I am still holding onto the hope that one of these days,I will start feeling good one day and will continue to do so for a little while longer rather than put up with the emotional roller coaster ride that I am on constantly.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating in the wee early morning hours when an erection woke me up out of a deep sleep.It wasn't just the erection that woke me up,it was also because my right eye was watery.I simply walked to the medicine chest and took tow Echinacea and Goldenseal capsules with water followed by two ibuprofen liquid gels.Within a couple minutes,my eye stopped watering and after using the bathroom,I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I have to constantly keep in mind that the temptation to act out,no matter what type it is,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.Nobody,like myself,can guess when the temptation to act out will come around.I have to work on staying strong and keeping up a good fight against temptation.I still get tempted to go out and seek male partners out for the purpose of acting out with them as sexual thoughts about men continue to preoccupy my mind constantly,but I willfully choose not to do that and I stay home whenever that temptation rolls around.I also have to keep in mind that acting out,no matter what form it is,will never give me what I truly need and want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that goes with that affirmation.I also want to relate,identify and connect with my fellow men in a healthy and authentic way in the forms of real friendships and bonding with my fellow men,which is all I need and ask for.Again,I am glad that there are those who read everything and I am glad for some encouraging comments that have been left behind by those who regularly read and follow my blog.But I still need some friendly advice on how I can resist the temptation to masturbate and how to stay strong in the face of that temptation.Anything is welcomed.Thanks in advance.
Tomorrow,I have a spirituality group that I need to attend.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ