Tonight,my road to recovery continues,but still rough and rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the early morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and after that was done,I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
I first went to my Thursday morning spirituality group and I was looking forward to that with a lot of enthusiasm.I headed over there with high hopes.
The meeting went wonderfully well.I got a lot out of it.After it was over,I headed over to a local kitchen to have lunch.After lunch,I headed over to a nearby supermarket to pick up several things that my mom wanted me to get.After paying for the groceries,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I dropped the groceries off and put them in their proper places.After doing that,I headed out the door again to go to an AMVETS thrift store in the next county.I had been meaning to get out there for a long time and thought that I could get out there today.
I did find quite a few things there and after I paid for the stuff that I found,I headed straight home.
When I came home,I put the stuff that I bought away and I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I also did some recommended Holy Bible reading.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I did some more personal PC work.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues marching forward,but the road is still a rough and rocky one.I am still struggling with this emotional roller coaster ride that goes with the territory of having BPD.I don't know how my mood will be from day to day.I don't know if I will be up or if I will be down.I sometimes wish that I didn't have to go through this.Aside from that,I also have schizophrenic tendencies and that makes the struggle with BPD even more difficult and also doesn't make my struggles with SSA any easier at all.I will continue my therapy sessions and I will continue taking my medication as directed.I am hoping that one of these days,my recovery will improve and I will be feeling good for a long time rather than this emotional roller coaster ride that I am constantly on.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to masturbate in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by another erection.It was also another throbbing one.I had to really fight this overwhelming temptation to masturbate as it was really strong.I tried to toss and turn and it didn't work.I simply had to get up and walk and when I did,the erection died down and I went back to sleep.Though I escaped this episode,I still have to stay on guard and be watchful as the temptation to act out,in any way,shape or form,can rear it's ugly head when least expected.I still get tempted to go out and seek other men for the purpose of indulging in sinful sexual activity with them,but I simply ignore that by staying home and not feed nor satisfy that temptation.I still have to keep in mind that acting on these unnatural desires will never give me what I want nor will it solve any problems.Acting out,no matter what form of acting out it is,will only reinforce the Homosexual identity and that is the identity that I trying to escape and totally distance myself from.I also don't want to masturbate anymore and I am so desperately seeking how I can continue to resist the temptations to act out and so far,nobody has said anything.Silence is never the answer.To all those who visit here and read,please leave and encouraging word or two and/or something that can help me out on how I can continue to resist the temptation to act out on these unnatural desires that I have.I would greatly appreciate that.Thanks.
Tomorrow,I have a meeting with the pastor of the church.Aside from that,I have nothing else planned.But whatever I choose to do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ