Tonight,my road to recovery still continues,though still rocky.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in the mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I hurriedly did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I proceeded to get on with the the rest of the day as I had some stuff planned.
I first headed over to the bank to withdraw some money.After that,I headed over to the local Super Wal-Mart to pick up something that my mom had a coupon for.After that,I headed over to the drug store to pick up a couple of prescriptions that my mom really needed.After paying the co-pay on these,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.I had a meeting with the pastor planned and I wanted to be ready for it.When the time was nearly there,I headed over to the church to meet with the pastor as I had a lot of things that I needed to talk about.
The meeting with him was wonderful.I did get a lot out of that.After the meeting,I eagerly awaited the charity spaghetti dinner that the church was having.I was looking forward to this all week.
The dinner was also wonderful.I had some wonderful fellowship with the people who were also at the dinner.After it was over,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed as I was there to stay for the rest of the night.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery still continues,though it is still rocky,but I am still having to deal with the symptoms of bipolar depression as I never know what to expect next.I can be up and feeling good one day,while the next day,I could be down and feeling not so good.Again,I can never anticipate nor predict how my mood will be as it is an emotional roller coaster ride that is unpredictable.Today,I am right in the middle as one side of me feels good but the other feels bad.I wish that I could feel good most of the time rather than feel good one day and bad the next day.Aside from that,I am also dealing with the schizophrenic tendencies alongside the bipolar depression.I am still having to contend with hearing things that nobody else hears,such as footsteps,voices calling my name and there is nobody around as well as hearing other sounds that I can't even decipher.The only thing that I can continue to do is to continue taking my medication as directed and continue with my therapy sessions.I just hope and will continue to hope that my recovery will start improving very soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I gave into temptation in the wee early morning hours by masturbating an erection away.I really felt miserable after it happened as I am trying to resist the temptation to act out in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with.I don't want to act out anymore as acting out will never give me what I want,which is affirmation of my gender identity and the feelings of authenticity that go with it.This is the second consecutive time that I have given into this terrible,disgusting,dirty and unclean habit.I don't want to masturbate or act out in other ways anymore as I want to be A MAN and be a whole man.I don't want to reinforce the Homosexual identity anymore as masturbation will only do that.I also no longer want to find men sexually attractive as men are supposed to find women sexually attractive.I want to be a whole man and I want to be a masculine man as sexual relations with other men will never get me the affirmation of my gender identity that I am truly seeking and not reinforcement of the Homosexual identity,which is the identity that I am trying to disown and overcome as God never intended for men to have sexual relations or activity with each other.God made man and woman for a reason.Though I did get a suggestion from a fellow follower,I am still open to any more ideas or suggestions.Thanks in advance for sharing them.
As for the weekend,I have made no plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes and plans for the day ahead.FJ