Tonight,my road to recovery pushes forward amidst a rocky road.I had a pretty good day today.
Today,I woke up in mid morning and I bathed.After my bath,I had my usual quick breakfast and my usual 2 cups of coffee.After breakfast,I did my personal PC work and I got dressed.I had only a couple of things planned and I wanted to get them accomplished.
I first went to the Best Buy in the next county to return a DVD that was sent to me that I didn't order.Well,it was a particular one,but it was the wrong edition.After working out some stuff with the people over at the store,where hopefully,I will get the edition that I really want,I headed for home.
On the way home,I stopped at a local supermarket to pick up something that was needed for the home.After paying for that item,I headed straight home.
When I got home,I relaxed and took it easy for a while.
After eating,I watched the evening news for a while and I also did some more personal PC work and watched a DVD as well.Overall,a pretty good day.
My recovery continues to move forward,though it is still a very rocky road,as I am still having to put up with the symptoms of bipolar depression.As I stated previously,I never know when my mood will be up or when my mood will be down.It is a continuous emotional roller coaster ride.I just wish that my mood could be up daily rather than down much of the time.I really hate that I am struggling with this and also,I have to struggle with the schizophrenic tendencies that I have alongside the bipolar depression.It is really a struggle putting up with all of this stuff.I will still continue my therapy sessions and I will also continue to take my medication as directed.I am hoping that my recovery will start improving soon.
Regarding my SSA struggles,I was again tempted to act out by masturbating three times in the wee early morning hours when I was awakened by erections.This is the first time in quite a long time that I had more than two erections in the wee early morning hours.I really had to fight these temptations really hard.An erection really makes it tough to resist the temptation to masturbate,especially when it was my old way of getting rid of the erection in the first place.I am trying to show my body that I own it and not it owning me.I simply had to toss and turn on all three occasions to resist the temptations to masturbate and all three times,I was successful,though it wasn't easy.Though I escaped these episodes,I know that the temptation to act out by masturbation or in other ways,other than seeking a male partner out to act out with,will rear it's ugly head when least expected.It's bad enough that I am putting up with the emotional roller coaster of bipolar depression and with the struggles that I have regarding SSA,it really makes it difficult for me to resist any temptation to act out in other ways aside from searching for male partners to act out sexually with.I will just have to work on staying strong and work on staying strong when the temptation hits again.It won't be easy,but I know that I can do it.Again,advice or suggestions are welcomed.
Tomorrow morning,it will be church as usual.After that,I have made no other plans.But whatever I do,I hope that it gives me positive benefits.
That was my day today and my hopes for the day ahead.FJ